Not all HPV strains are life long only some of them., HPV16 is a wart virus and can clear.
Glad you are clean, lesson learned move on. I have no issue with prostitution itself, it has its place, but for sexual release not for self esteem. (Sex trafficking etc is not ok with me at all)
Can you get a new M with W. Yes eventually it is possible.
But only if you work on you. That is very essential.
Your goals and aims are very well constructed indeed. It's an excellent start.
I think you need to address your values in this area. And define for yourself your own boundaries and why you want those values.
This is a spiritual matter and decisions to meet your own goals means addressing this. I am not saying religious dogma but that which is deep and meaningful. I think you require spiritual counselling.
O has important things to say, your life lacks strong male role models. So being involved with older male role models in your life is quite key to derive strong values.
You faced the worst, now work towards the best.
V
You've been extremely helpful in my journey. I can't thank you enough, and I won't stop thanking you (or anyone else here) for the needed support.
Working on me has been a very hard climb, but I'm inching my way upward. I have plans Wednesday-Saturday. First time I booked four nights in a row for events/social gatherings.
Also, had a conversation with W last night. She opened up to me about finally having crying fits now that my crying is "done" (though you all know that I've been hiding it and seem to be hiding well) she can express it. So her emotional walls are at least coming down...not sure if it's for me but..whatever right?
Still seeing tiny acts of love from her (decorating my bedroom with new sheets, chair, etc. to make my bedroom more welcoming and I expressed that sentiment to her), and I'm reciprocating. No expectations. This situation is day to day. Some are going to be good days, some are going to be bad. So I'll take the small victories where I can.
I'm working on our house and getting our finances tightened up. Still working on the 3 day on/3 day off schedule, but I am seeing hints that she doesn't like that and wants me home. However, I'm not ready and I'm going to have her decide when I can come back.
I've been going back to my spiritual religious roots (Islam), albeit very slowly. My mother has been preaching and asking me to "go back", which I am deciding to begin the journey back but to what extent, I do not know yet. What I do know is that the times that I incorporate some of the elements and acts of the faith, I am doing so with more of my heart and I am at least comforted for that time being.
I'm seeing MC, and a IC for my NGS. You mentioned a spiritual counselor. What exactly should I be seeking?
Your spiritual counselor should be the "priest" at your Mosque. Excuse me saying "priest", I don't know any Muslims besides you and I'm not sure what the correct term is.
This is what I did anyways. I'm Catholic.
Those small acts from your W are great, but don't overanalyze. And don't "over-respond" by getting super excited or affectionate. It's going to take time and baby steps, so don't pursue and rush it.
What's the story on her crying fits?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Your spiritual counselor should be the "priest" at your Mosque. Excuse me saying "priest", I don't know any Muslims besides you and I'm not sure what the correct term is.
This is what I did anyways. I'm Catholic.
Those small acts from your W are great, but don't overanalyze. And don't "over-respond" by getting super excited or affectionate. It's going to take time and baby steps, so don't pursue and rush it.
What's the story on her crying fits?
It's an Imam . I plan on going Friday to have a grounded discussion with him (no female Imams yet, even in the Northwest). About all of this, my spiritual "growth", decay, and possible rebirth into something hybrid. And I'm not nervous about it about being judged.
I'm not overanalyzing anymore. I'm taking them as brief moments of happiness and tucking them away. I return those moments in ways I know how without being overbearing (cleaning her car, printing pictures of her friends, making her soup, etc.). Little acts. No more pursuit, no more "I get it as to why you're doing these things." None. She is going to come to me.
The crying fits because of the loss of our M. Sadness. I don't think she is getting what she wants from the Transitional R. And frankly, I will let her come to that realization on her own.
Also to add, she had her work review yesterday and she got trucked. Performance was below expectations and she is really good at her job. Her boss knows the reason why, but it's starting to adversely affect her performance. So it seems like she has a journey of own to embark on.
When does the hurt of the OM/Transitional R go away? I wince in pain at the thought of what she has done so far with him and what is next.
it gets easier, but I don't know if the pain of the OM goes away. I was just getting better and not worrying about it about a month ago and my WW pulled me back in. She could prolly tell I was getting more distant, the evil woman.
Now I know it is called an Imam too, cool.
When she has the crying fits, it sounds like you're doing well. Just validate and support if she asks for it.
I don't know that I'd do husband things like cleaning her car or bringing her food. Your attentiveness when she tells you something is return the favor well IMO.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Just had a conversation with the W that I think handled pretty well. There was some friction on her end, but I did not "fire back" as I have done before. The potential argument came when she requested me to clean the house before the weekend is over (Thursday - Saturday are my days at the house). I communicated that my entire weekend is packed (GAL!!!). She recommended that I get the house done Thursday. I told her that due to having a babysitter coming tomorrow (her mom) I made plans Thursday in which I felt I communicated to W that I was proceeding on taking. She told me that I did not communicate that and sent me the calendar with her plans for that date. She had that one. She then told me that it's not fair to assume that just because her mom will be watching D4 that I can make plans on the fly, especially without telling her. I told her that I wasn't thrilled about cancelling plans Thursday but I also understand that I need to better communicate with W and W's mom about my plans if I decide to make them on the fly. I ended the conversation with me saying that I understood where she was coming from and adjust my plans following communication with W's Mother.
I feel like I was mature about handling this and communicated and fixed misunderstandings (which was an issue long before split). Do you agree?
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When she has the crying fits, it sounds like you're doing well. Just validate and support if she asks for it.
I don't know that I'd do husband things like cleaning her car or bringing her food. Your attentiveness when she tells you something is return the favor well IMO.
The car cleaning was done not directly for her. I just don't like disgusting looking cars. And since I'm part owner of her vehicle, I am responsible for it. I'm not cleaning her damn bedroom . I haven't seen her cry directly in my presence yet. But I will validate and support...how do I validate and support?
Day is done. I put up a strong face today in front of W. Didn’t blink. She’s asking me to spend Wednesday night next week so that we can “prepare for my camping trip with D4.” She never asked me to stay directly, even when I told her to ask me directly if she wanted me to stay and not beat around the bush. Defenses went slightly up and got a response of “this is not a game”. I just looked into her eyes and nodded. Made plans for the day tomorrow. I may or may not accompany her to pick up MIL. I’m leaning towards no.
She texted me thanks for understand and that she is going through a stressful situation. I simply said “you’re welcome”.
And then I went to my friends place and she went home. She’s trying to put up a brave front...but she is showing signs of cracking...and I’m starting to get stronger. Fearful and worried deep inside, but on the outside...calm, cool, and collected.
Good day, exhausted ending. God I hope there is a plan and God I hope there is an end to this soon.
pain, be careful with your pleas for it to end soon. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Do not start getting obsessed with time or you will start to regress. It will take the time that it will take.Not a second less. So be patient,.
You said she shows signs of cracking. However, she is on a roller-coaster just like you are. She will have ups and downs to. Do not read much into any one day. I've told people, this is like watching the stock market. The day-to-day ups and downs do not matter. It is the trend over time. So try to avoid the temptation to judge each day.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
when you asked her to directly to tell you if she wants you to stay, it got "pursuit-y". You asked her to ask you to stay.
That's probably pushing harder than you need to, and she let you know. Just don't make that mistake again. By sitting silently and listening, letting the awkward moment pass without you filling it, she will say more than if you do it the way you tried - by being direct.
Those are good signs though, so keep it up.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
. I plan on going Friday to have a grounded discussion with him (no female Imams yet, even in the Northwest). About all of this, my spiritual "growth", decay, and possible rebirth into something hybrid. And I'm not nervous about it about being judged.