But the one thing I can't get past is her constantly mentioning sex with you and your endowment. Women that aren't interested do not make comments like that. They just don't. I honestly believe that those comments are hints trying to spur you to action, and she is too afraid of rejection to be more direct. But I could be wrong.
in general, women may not make those types of comments... however, an ex-W or a Wayward Wife will make those types of comments to pacify the guy... it's a place holder... she is kind of flattering him to keep him around... tell me, in your opinion (Steve85) why didn't she stay the night? why does she continue to say she isn't interested in a relationship? if she wanted to take things further, why doesn't she change her mind about the two of them going to Vegas together? that one would be easy...
her calling back and asking if he were mad at her for not staying says a lot... it says that she believes she is calling the shots in their pow-wow relationship, and she wants to make sure they are on the same page...
Very well could be. At a minimum I think she is sending mixed messages. In my opinion there are two reasons people do that. 1) they are playing games. 2) they are themselves conflicted.
In that case I would say it is more 2 than 1. But again, I could be wrong. I know in the case of me and Kayla (that isn't her real name by the way!), she was definitely #1. She said it purposely to keep me on me attached. I don't see IH's ex doing that, or what she has to gain by doing that. But again, I could be misreading it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well I may not necessarily agree with Artista on that particular item. The reason being is WAW well knows that many other women are at my disposal when it comes to sex. She also knows they are good looking ladies. So I don't think she keeps mentioning that as a way to appease me because that would make no sense when she knows all I have to do is drop a text to Sue let's say, and I will be having sex that night. So I don't see WAW thinking I care that much about what she happens to think of my penis. Now if I was with no other options than WAW and WAW knew that, then perhaps WAW appeasing me would be a consideration. But as it is now, WAW knows I can have sex whenever I want...I think this is why she mentioned before the bonfire that it wasn't a romantic meeting and asked if I still wanted to take her. Because she knows I could take someone else where I knew the night would end with sex. So I don't think she had that self confidence as far as thinking I want to sleep with her and only her. I think she brings up my penis because she herself misses it. It's always in the same conversation where she is complaining about the ways other guys let her down. That's when that comes up.
For example, something I forgot to post that she said Saturday night... She said something like "guys just don't know how to hit the spot! It's frustrating!" After she said that I looked at her in the eyes and said..."Ummm excuse me? I know how to hit the spot...so please spare me." At that point she immediately starting laughing and said "Yeah, yeah you do."
Now I agree with some who say that I am not getting enough agressiveness from her. This is the main reason I haven't tried anything yet with her. She really hasn't earned it in my head. She needs to flirt more and be a bit more suggestive before I do anything like that. In that respect I agree with Artista....she has had plenty of opportunities to initiate sex, or at the very least opportunity to create a situation where sex could happen, and she hasn't. I just think this is because WAW is telling the truth here...she's not ready for sex with me...or anyone. She has this need for self sufficiency and independence right now. The same reason she left for Florida 4 years ago...to be independent. Trouble is she lived with her best friend down there and thusly never achieved that. So she's doing it here alone now. She has mentioned a few times that she went from living with her parents to moving in with me for 18 years, to moving in with her friend in FL. That she has never been on her own. So that's where I think she's at. I believe her when she says she's not seriously dating. So her relationship hesitation is less about me in particular and more about men in general. That's what my instincts tell me.
But in any case, I agree with Maika in that she's the one who walked, so she needs to chase...and chase hard. Sure she's been pretty relentless in terms of wanting to see me pretty much once a week or so and has always initiated said meetings. That was great early on...but now it's getting old. I need to see more aggressiveness from her, more intense pursuit out of fear of losing me from her. So until I see that there won't be any more meetings.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I simply don't understand why so many women want to be "friends" with their LBH who didn't want to end things. It just doesn't compute for me. If my W takes this through to D, I will have to remain cordial with her because of our kids. But I will never, ever want only friendship after having been together for 20 years in a manner way beyond friendship. How is this sort of thing even rationalized? How could someone ever think that it is in any way reasonable? My W has said BS like that to me since BD, "I want us to be close friends" and similar. It's like a sick joke. A seriously deep twisting of the knife.
I'm sorry for the rant, but it just fills me with so much anger and hurt given my current sitch.
M: 40 W: 37 T: 20 MR: 13 S13, S9, S4 BD: 1/29/18 Sep: 4/23/18 (I moved out) 8/24/18 I come home, she moves out
If you want to get out of the hole, drop the shovel.
Remaining close friends helps to ease their guilt, they believe it is a way to let the LBS down easy. You can still be a good co-parent without being close friends.
I made it very clear to my XW that I am not her maintenance man, shoulder to cry on, first person she calls for advice, and I have no desire to know anything about people she is dating unless it involves our girls. She has respected my wishes..we are cordial and friendly but that is where it stops.
I simply don't understand why so many women want to be "friends" with their LBH who didn't want to end things. It just doesn't compute for me. If my W takes this through to D, I will have to remain cordial with her because of our kids. But I will never, ever want only friendship after having been together for 20 years in a manner way beyond friendship. How is this sort of thing even rationalized? How could someone ever think that it is in any way reasonable? My W has said BS like that to me since BD, "I want us to be close friends" and similar. It's like a sick joke. A seriously deep twisting of the knife.
I'm sorry for the rant, but it just fills me with so much anger and hurt given my current sitch.
It eases their guilt. Conflict avoid. Wants only the parts of you they want. It's cruel, but there is nothing really baffling about the psychology around it.
And is your STBX actually acting and thinking reasonably right now? Nahhhhhh.
Well in my case it's been 4 years since she left. So unless WAW's intelligence level has dropped to that of your average salad vegetable; I'm sure she is well aware I don't need to be let down easy anymore LOL! I doubt that's my WAW's reason for wanting to see me. I think she wants to see what will happen down the road. There's no way she suddenly appears as soon as my long time relationship with Mary ended to let me down easy LOL! She knew she has long been an old newspaper already to me.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I can tell you that my XW runs very hot and cold. Some weeks she is very chatty, reaching out to me for various things, sending me text messages about the kids, etc. and other weeks she seems angry, upset, withdrawn and reaches out barely at all. She definitely seems to cycle in her moods.
Before she moved out she said all the right things to help ease me down but once she moved and got her own place she initially became very cold and distant. You could tell she was flexing on her new found freedom. GGW until she found her current boyfriend now she doesn't goo to the gym any more, isn't eating healthy, stopped the fake tanning and eyelashes so she seems to have stopped peacocking since she has a man. I say that but she did get fake boobs
When your in it I can say it was very hard to see however now with space and distance is has all become very clear.
Well I may not necessarily agree with Artista on that particular item. The reason being is WAW well knows that many other women are at my disposal when it comes to sex. She also knows they are good looking ladies. So I don't think she keeps mentioning that as a way to appease me because that would make no sense when she knows all I have to do is drop a text to Sue let's say, and I will be having sex that night. So I don't see WAW thinking I care that much about what she happens to think of my penis.
your take is not at all what i mean... her "appeasement" has nothing to do with sex... it has nothing to do with your sex life... she does not care if you are having sex with other women or not... she is flattering you to keep you thinking she just might be interested--just enough... she does this to keep you around... she assumes you are interested... she has let you know that she is not interested by telling you she is not wanting any relationship with any man right now, and that includes you... but she can't just leave it at that, because that might lead you to completely walk away from her... however, if she makes these flattering comments about your penis, you might stick around and hang out with her... as i have said before, it's all a balancing act...
the balancing act goes like this: WW or WAW or ExW is nice, warm, kind, easy to get along with until she thinks she may have gone too far... and she thinks she has gone to far by LBS responses to her... if she gets the sense that he is getting the wrong idea--which is her wanting to relationship--then she pulls back... she is cold, angry, easily upset, or she is simply not as available... when she pulls back just enough to make LBS realize that she is not interested in a relationship, she warms up again... is more available again... she does not want to give him the wrong idea, while she wants to keep him around for friendship, or plan b... or as a provider when the marriage is in limbo or when they are semi-separated...
