Well not much communication today. Struggling a bit since it's our anniversary.
I hear you, Terapin. Ours was July, and my h did nothing. I "fell off the wagon" and tried an R discussion, which didn't go very well. But, anyway, anniversaries are tough.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story
Well not much communication today. Struggling a bit since it's our anniversary.
I hear you, Terapin. Ours was July, and my h did nothing. I "fell off the wagon" and tried an R discussion, which didn't go very well. But, anyway, anniversaries are tough.
She did text and say something like she isn't ignoring the fact that it's our anniversary, but it's hard to know how to feel about it. She works late today, so I won't see her for long when she gets home.
I did get her a card, but I won't give it to her unless she has one for me, which I doubt
Last edited by Terapin; 08/09/1809:53 PM.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
My anniversary was two days ago. I felt sad and angry that day. I'm learning the practical reality of only being able to control myself now. Your W's lack of love towards you in no way means you are not good enough. Be proud of your changes and keep them up, for you!
Me:30 W:31 S:4 M:7 T:12 PA: 5/6/18 - ? W moved out 7/18
Well not much communication today. Struggling a bit since it's our anniversary.
I hear you, Terapin. Ours was July, and my h did nothing. I "fell off the wagon" and tried an R discussion, which didn't go very well. But, anyway, anniversaries are tough.
She did text and say something like she isn't ignoring the fact that it's our anniversary, but it's hard to know how to feel about it. She works late today, so I won't see her for long when she gets home.
I did get her a card, but I won't give it to her unless she has one for me, which I doubt
I got mine a card and made him breakfast (he's still in the home), but he groaned (almost inaudible) when he saw it. In the past, he's run out and gotten something for the times I give him things, but not this time. I'm rethinking doing anything for his autumn birthday.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story
I swear I've read thousands of posts/threads on 4 or 5 different message boards in the last 2 weeks. The reason I chose this one to join/post is because the people here seem the most reasonable and level headed (not just: she's cheating, divorce her! Get a lawyer! Kiss her a.. to make things right!") So again, the replies I receive are appreciated more than you all know. But, and I don't want to insult anyone here, but I'm not much of a computer/message board guy. So I don't know how much or how little to post, what the etiquette is, etc. lol. I don't want to fill up the board with useless nonsense, so I will try to just post relevant info.
Davide: Ya, I definitely agree with you. The struggle I have with 'going out' is that one of her main problems with me is that I'm not 'supportive', 'emotionally engaged', 'I don't communicate', etc. Doing my 'own thing' may be counter-intuitive? I guess that's the dilemma for a lot of guys though?
UK: Thanks man. Sorry your stuff is so nasty. Yeah, odd how they all of the sudden know all kinds of divorced people. Actually, I swear, her and I literally know 5 couples right now going through or contemplating a divorce. Is this [censored] contagious?
That's the same reason I came here too! You should post as much as you want to! If you have a thought or a question, let er rip.
Don't worry about her too much or the crowd she is walking to. Nothing you can do about it so you energy is better used in other ways.
Have you read and reread Cadet's stuff?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I swear I've read thousands of posts/threads on 4 or 5 different message boards in the last 2 weeks. The reason I chose this one to join/post is because the people here seem the most reasonable and level headed (not just: she's cheating, divorce her! Get a lawyer! Kiss her a.. to make things right!") So again, the replies I receive are appreciated more than you all know. But, and I don't want to insult anyone here, but I'm not much of a computer/message board guy. So I don't know how much or how little to post, what the etiquette is, etc. lol. I don't want to fill up the board with useless nonsense, so I will try to just post relevant info.
Davide: Ya, I definitely agree with you. The struggle I have with 'going out' is that one of her main problems with me is that I'm not 'supportive', 'emotionally engaged', 'I don't communicate', etc. Doing my 'own thing' may be counter-intuitive? I guess that's the dilemma for a lot of guys though?
UK: Thanks man. Sorry your stuff is so nasty. Yeah, odd how they all of the sudden know all kinds of divorced people. Actually, I swear, her and I literally know 5 couples right now going through or contemplating a divorce. Is this [censored] contagious?
That's the same reason I came here too! You should post as much as you want to! If you have a thought or a question, let er rip.
Don't worry about her too much or the crowd she is walking to. Nothing you can do about it so you energy is better used in other ways.
Have you read and reread Cadet's stuff?
Thanks.
I've read a ton of stuff. That's what makes it hard to detach, GAL, etc, because I've already been doing a lot of that stuff the last 10 years. lol
Anyway, just a brief conversation last night about the kid and dogs. No mention of anniversary or anything.
One thing she said last week that I just remembered, was something about how she 'has the confidence now to make a go of it alone'. Something like that. When she was younger she had some self esteem issues.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I've read a ton of stuff. That's what makes it hard to detach, GAL, etc, because I've already been doing a lot of that stuff the last 10 years. lol
Anyway, just a brief conversation last night about the kid and dogs. No mention of anniversary or anything.
One thing she said last week that I just remembered, was something about how she 'has the confidence now to make a go of it alone'. Something like that. When she was younger she had some self esteem issues.
Eh, talk is cheap. It is easier said than done.No doubt she feels that way, but when rubber meets the road and she is facing the actuality of having to be on her own, she may start to waffle. It is called REALITY. WASs and WWs especially sometimes need that reality to wake up.
Keep DBing Terapin, It is never too late to start.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I've read a ton of stuff. That's what makes it hard to detach, GAL, etc, because I've already been doing a lot of that stuff the last 10 years. lol
Anyway, just a brief conversation last night about the kid and dogs. No mention of anniversary or anything.
One thing she said last week that I just remembered, was something about how she 'has the confidence now to make a go of it alone'. Something like that. When she was younger she had some self esteem issues.
Eh, talk is cheap. It is easier said than done.No doubt she feels that way, but when rubber meets the road and she is facing the actuality of having to be on her own, she may start to waffle. It is called REALITY. WASs and WWs especially sometimes need that reality to wake up.
Keep DBing Terapin, It is never too late to start.
Thanks Steve. The hardest part I think is just not being able to 'shake her' and say like 'wtf, let's get this fixed!'.
Honestly, her not wanting to be married to me anymore doesn't bother me that much. Her not being in love with me doesn't bother me that much. I think those feelings and emotions come and go, rise and fall, etc. I don't think 'love' disappears. I think it just gets buried under piles of negative emotions, pain, anger, etc.
The thing that hurts the most is an unwillingness to work on things. I think motivation is the main factor in love. You have to be motivated to fall in love or stay in love. And without having the motivation to try to get past and/or deal with all the negative stuff suppressing the 'love', it's just impossible to find it again.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Well not much communication today. Struggling a bit since it's our anniversary.
I hear you, Terapin. Ours was July, and my h did nothing. I "fell off the wagon" and tried an R discussion, which didn't go very well. But, anyway, anniversaries are tough.
She did text and say something like she isn't ignoring the fact that it's our anniversary, but it's hard to know how to feel about it. She works late today, so I won't see her for long when she gets home.
I did get her a card, but I won't give it to her unless she has one for me, which I doubt
I got mine a card and made him breakfast (he's still in the home), but he groaned (almost inaudible) when he saw it. In the past, he's run out and gotten something for the times I give him things, but not this time. I'm rethinking doing anything for his autumn birthday.
That [censored]. Sorry to hear that
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
So I'm trying to give my wife the space she says she needs to 'process' things. In the last week I haven't initiated any conversations except for pertinent child or household stuff, and even that was only once or twice. I've also gone 'out' twice in that time. Both times I said she's welcome to come, but she declined.
Here's the question. Her #1 complaint about our relationship seems to be that we 'drifted apart'. We don't communicate well, we live as roommates, etc. So wouldn't detaching literally be doing exactly the same thing that was the problem in the first place? I mean, her stated reason for all of this is because we were both detached from each other!
I do realize that whatever I do should be for me, and not her/us. And that was evidenced by the very first weekend when I was super nice, upbeat, etc, and she said it was making her very mad cause it wasn't the 'real me'. Should I be trying to at least sprinkle in some type of legit personal conversations, affection, etc?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
