Well WAW hasn't gone cold though. "Cold" to me implies she stops contact, goes distant, doesn't answer texts, doesn't answer calls etc. We'll my WAW can't go cold on me because I haven't given her the means to. She can't not reply to my texts because I never send her any. She can't let my calls go to voicemail because I never call her. She can't refuse my initiation for meetups because I never initiate them...and most of all she can't refuse me sex because I haven't tried to get it. So really, from where I'm standing, the only one with the ability to go cold would be me. There's simply nothing for her to cold with as far as me.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Hey guys, Well WAW just texted me about the passing of Aretha Franklin and said that my Mom, whom you guys may remember passed away a couple years back, "is getting all the greats up there with her." I'm not sure why she is messaging me about Aretha, there was no major connection with any of us to Aretha as none of us were overt fans other than the basic respect for her. Very puzzling to me and I'm not sure how to reply to this. I think I'm ignoring it. I still intend on going dark here so I don't think a reply is a good idea. Thoughts?
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Nope she didn't ask me a question at all. Just mentioned that. What a weird text and why would she think of my Mom regarding it? I'm just not replying. I've had enough of her BS. If she follows up with something else I'll be back to let you know.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Nope she didn't ask me a question at all. Just mentioned that. What a weird text and why would she think of my Mom regarding it? I'm just not replying. I've had enough of her BS. If she follows up with something else I'll be back to let you know.
I don't think she's BS'ing you, she's just content to keep things as friends for now and maybe for good. We've said this before but you've got two choices- 1) continue being friends and see if eventually it becomes something more or 2) put your foot down and say being friends is not acceptable to you and tell her you either need to date for real or you're done with her. I think when we brought this up before you were OK with 1). But if that's no longer the case then it may be time for the ultimatum in 2). I wouldn't just go dark on her though, you really have nothing to lose by talking to her about it. You're not dealing with a WAS anymore.
Well I am fine with #1 but Artista suggested I pull way back. As I've said before how exactly do I do that when I don't initiate anything. So if she sends me a text I only have two options...reply or not reply. So if I want to pull back what options do I have here? As I said, I never text her first, call her first, or anything like that. So pulling back from what exactly is my ultimate question here.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I agree with AnotherStander, she's not BS'ing you. I think she is trying to figure out who she is and what she wants in life, and she's very comfortable with you and values your presence/opinion. That doesn't mean she wants a relationship with you. Maybe in the future, but I just think she sounds confused about her life in general. It sounds like her bringing up sexual history is very confusing for you. My STBXW and I are friends and if we didn't make it a boundary we won't cross, she could easily talk to me about sexual stuff the way you two seem to be doing. It's happened before with us, but we decided that was definitely a boundary we can't cross. If you want to be her friend, stick around and see what happens with no expectations. If you don't want a friend, but you would want a relationship let her know. But in my opinion, she doesn't know what she wants.
Married: 9, Together: 16 Me:33, W:34, D:6, S:3 BD: 1/1/18 EA confirmed: 2/7/18 I moved out 6/1/18
I guess that's how I'll approach it Steve. If she asks a question I'll answer her. But if she tries to initiate hanging out I'm not doing it. Or maybe if she tries to initiate hanging out I will propose an obvious date situation like dinner and a band or something. If she refuses then so be it. I'm just going to treat her like I do other women I date. I don't go hang out with them, we go out. If she's that dead set against romance with me then eventually she'll stop asking to hang out anyway. So I guess I can let the trash take itself out here.As I always say, I want her...but I most definitely don't need her to maintain my happiness.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
