I just had a thought concerning the S once it happens. I was thinking about what I'm going to do financially, and also how this is going to affect our S.
I am wondering if it makes more sense for me to stay in the house we're in now, get a roommate or two (it's a 4 bedroom house), which covers the financial side of things. Also, I'm wondering if I should suggest our S stays with me, let my W move that far out, and she can come visit him/take him on weekends. I think it makes a lot of sense since she always has to work late, has business dinners frequently, and already has to travel some for work, with more frequent trips in the future once their new plant comes online in another state (she'll be the regional customer service manager then).
I also meant to add that it would mean less drastic change for our S, since he wouldn't have to switch schools, houses, rooms, routines (for the most part) etc.
I picked up or S last night. Came home, did homework, made dinner, etc.
About 5:30 W sends a text that she's going to be working late, doesn't know exactly when she'll be done, and to do dinner without her if it gets too late. I don't respond since it wasn't a question that needed answering.
8:00 rolls around, and she sends another text saying she's still there. Again, I don't respond.
12:38 a.m., I get the following two texts from her:
Originally Posted by ]I'm ok, probably staying out tonight. But I'm ok.[/quote
[Quote=]Broke down, crying too much to realize that last message didn't send. I'm ok, just freaked out and needed time away. I'll be there tomorrow, I'm calling out
I called her immediately after (I know, pursuit). She answered, and all I did was just ask if she was okay. She said yes, why? I said I just want to be sure you're okay since you said you were freaked out and crying. She said she was, and asked if we could discuss it today. I said that was fine and ended the call. I know I pursued her there, but it's hard to shut off the husband caring about his wife's well-being mentality when she says she's freaked out and crying.
This is extremely out of character for her, especially not coming home to see our S at least this morning. Even further is her calling out of work today, since she takes her job so seriously as a manager, and is clinging to this job as a lifeline in the event we D (her words, not mine).
At this point, I'm expecting anything from her coming home and saying she wants to R, to wants to D, to she had an A last night.
I just had a thought concerning the S once it happens. I was thinking about what I'm going to do financially, and also how this is going to affect our S.
I am wondering if it makes more sense for me to stay in the house we're in now, get a roommate or two (it's a 4 bedroom house), which covers the financial side of things. Also, I'm wondering if I should suggest our S stays with me, let my W move that far out, and she can come visit him/take him on weekends. I think it makes a lot of sense since she always has to work late, has business dinners frequently, and already has to travel some for work, with more frequent trips in the future once their new plant comes online in another state (she'll be the regional customer service manager then).
Any thoughts?
I think having strangers in the house, unless you meant roommates you know but even then, is just as drastic as any other option.
Anyway there is plenty of time to work out the details, but I like that your focus on on your S.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I picked up or S last night. Came home, did homework, made dinner, etc.
About 5:30 W sends a text that she's going to be working late, doesn't know exactly when she'll be done, and to do dinner without her if it gets too late. I don't respond since it wasn't a question that needed answering.
8:00 rolls around, and she sends another text saying she's still there. Again, I don't respond.
12:38 a.m., I get the following two texts from her:
[Quote=]I'm ok, probably staying out tonight. But I'm ok.
Originally Posted by ]Broke down, crying too much to realize that last message didn't send. I'm ok, just freaked out and needed time away. I'll be there tomorrow, I'm calling out[/quote
I called her immediately after (I know, pursuit). She answered, and all I did was just ask if she was okay. She said yes, why? I said I just want to be sure you're okay since you said you were freaked out and crying. She said she was, and asked if we could discuss it today. I said that was fine and ended the call. I know I pursued her there, but it's hard to shut off the husband caring about his wife's well-being mentality when she says she's freaked out and crying.
This is extremely out of character for her, especially not coming home to see our S at least this morning. Even further is her calling out of work today, since she takes her job so seriously as a manager, and is clinging to this job as a lifeline in the event we D (her words, not mine).
At this point, I'm expecting anything from her coming home and saying she wants to R, to wants to D, to she had an A last night.
Yep, I agree. Keep us up-to-date.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks, Steve. This is just the hardest thing I've ever been through. On top of possibly losing the love of my life, I'm also staring at a financial mess and possibly my business going under to boot. Stress, on top of stress, on top of stress.
So, let me ask for some advice... since I'm usually the one at home in the evenings with our S during the week and can't go out, in terms of detaching and GAL, do I:
- Make enough dinner for her on nights when she's working late? - Make myself scarce when she gets home or spend it together as "a family" with our S (who is aware of what's happening, unfortunately)? - ????????? (is there anything else I can do?)
I know this week when I've made myself scarce, she's taken it as me just being mopey/sulky/angry and then feels like I'm neglecting our S (completely disregarding the fact I've been hanging out with him for a couple of hours already). I know I have to do what's best for me, obviously, but I would still like to maximize my chances with her.
I might be a little different than most here, but when it comes to dinner I advocate not changing much there. Make the same amount you normally would. The 180 there would be to put the leftovers away, then if she gets home and is hungry let her help herself. (Assuming you tried to wait on her when she got home and serve her the dinner.)
Yes make yourself scarce, but be upbeat, present, and positive when you do interact. (See my previous post on smiling!) More than likely you have been mopey, sulky and angry. Drop that as much as you possibly can. Kill her with kindness, but let her come to you!
The other thing you can do is to be busy when you are scarce. Do you have hobbies? You mentioned your business is there paperwork or other work that can be done in the evenings related to your business? Maybe working a few hours in the evening can save your business? Don't be scarce, but then just sit alone and stew. Keep that mind busy and active. Remember Proverbs 16:27 "Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece."
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I feel like if you want to do some GAL-type things, you can. Youre only limited by your imagination.
1) What can you do with your son? Can you make dinner together? How about baking cookies or other treats afterwards? Or work out a schedule to try new foods or new recipes? How about a "movie night" tradition where you make popcorn bowls or ice cream or roast marshmallows on the stove? Are there other things you can do after work but before bed?
2) What is your weekend activity like now? Are there places you can go with your son? Are there times where you can go out and do things without your son while your wife watches him?
3) How about after your son goes to sleep? If your W is home at 830/9, can you plan to go out to listen to music or go to some other gathering? Are there nights W comes home early where you can get out? Is this feasible one night a week?
I think youre limited only by your imagination. In my separation, I have my kids every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. Yep - every single weekend night, I have them. So that means I go to game night on Monday and trivia on Tuesday. And when I have the kids, we do fun things on the weekends to make it special for them. There is stuff out there - you just have to make it happen!
Yes but I think that when you are faced with only seeing your kids half the time you usually would, when you do have them it is sacred time and I’d rather not palm them off! Maybe I’m just too raw and new to this at the moment.
