I've had this strange feeling like I'm being an adult while she's being a child, and she's slowly starting to realize that and wants to start being an adult again. Like she is maybe coming out of the fog a bit.
You want this to be true. Be careful to not let yourself believe it. Actions will prove this, whichever way it goes.
Did you ever find out if she's having/had an affair?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Yeah, I definitely want it to be true. That, however, doesn't mean I have a rational basis to believe it's true, though. It's just a gut feeling, and it's going to take more than that for me to believe she's ready for R.
As for an affair, no, nothing concrete. That said, I'm 80/20% split on not having one/having one. I can certainly see where it's possible, but my gut says she's telling the truth. I'm not completely dismissing the possibility, though. I feel like she would have thrown it in my face by now, considering sooner if the other hurtful things she's said while angry (confessed to buying a dildo and using it rather than sleeping with be more often, as an example).
Today was pretty good. W, S and I hung out and just watched movies all day while relaxing. She got home around 11:30 this morning, and brought us some donuts from a fancy bakery. At one point, S wanted a friend to come over and play Minecraft. W and I were watching a movie on the Xbox, but she was willing to go into the Master Bedroom and finish watching it alone with me while the boys played. Not a huge step, but more than she's been willing to do with me for a week. Also, all day during the movies, we'd laugh at something in the movie, and both of us kept looking at the other while laughing. Not something we normally do while watching movies together, or not in a long time, anyway.
She was distant, but pleasant all day. However, the later it got, the more distant she became.
My attitude all day was still pretty relaxed. I feel like I hit a bit of a detachment breakthrough yesterday when I told her to just leave if that's what she wanted. I hope she won't, but I can't keep doing the same song and dance I have been.
All good news crouton. Just don't pressure her when she becomes distant or as you know she will keep distancing herself. Sounds like some positive things, so make a note of what works.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Holy s***, I actually got an unsolicited hug this morning (not that I've been soliciting them anyway)! I was about to take S out to put him in the bus for school, and W gave him a hug and kiss, turned to me while we were telling each other to have a good day, and even though her hands were full (she hates hugging while her hands are full), she leaned in and gave me a pretty decent hug (10 seconds or so).
I'm not planning a vow renewal over this, obviously, but dang it felt good to embrace my W!!
I understand that's only a drop in the bucket (which may or may not have a hole in it), but I'll celebrate the small successes!
Take the time to celebrate the small wins but don't read anything into it. Have no future expectations- remember believe in nothing they say and only half of what they do. Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
So you say that you have no time to GAL about you can spend the day watching movies together while S is home....? She stayed out all night without any warning doing who knows what and she is “rewarded” for that kind of behavior with you spending the day together as “buddies”.
Do you see that you called the day “good” simply because she was willing to spend some of her time with you?
I hear what you're saying, Amoafwl,about GAL. I meant more during the week than on the weekends as far as not having time. This weekend, I actually did GAL Saturday, and was also doing things around here yesterday apart from watching movies (laundry, cleaning, etc.). The main thing was hanging out with my S, who was picking the movies. In fact, we had just started the first one when W got home, so it was more of a "her joining us" thing than anything else... we were going to do it regardless. When S started the third movie, about 45 minutes in, he got bored and wanted to hang with a friend across the street. She asked me if I wanted to finish the movie in the Master Bedroom, not the other way around.
Also, I wasn't rewarding her for what happened Thursday. I told her pretty plainly that she could leave Saturday morning, something I've not ever done in the past, and is out of character for me. Her response to that the rest of the day and yesterday is why I was willing to hang out as "buddies".
The day was good only because there was no tension and anxiety on my end... I was in a good place mentally and emotionally. That's what I meant.
As far as GAL and being independent, it's something I know I have to do and stick with, regardless of what happens with my sitch. One thing she's expressed in all of this is that she wants me to have that so she doesn't feel responsible for my identity. And, further, she's right... she shouldn't, nor should I be for hers. Interdependence, not co-dependence is what's healthy in a relationship. But, even if she walks away, I still have to have that for my own health.
Apparently, the real estate agent we'd been working with sent a text to us both. The house we were going to put an offer in on a couple of weeks ago had gone under contract the day we went a looked at it. It's now back on the market.
I didn't see the text, but it came in around 12:30 this afternoon. at 1:45, W sends me a text that says "I think we should do it."
Having no clue what she meant, I asked her "do what?"
She replies with "I think we should buy the house in ************, sell ours, I wanna go back to school and finish my degree, I wanna have chickens and a shop and a garden, and I think we should do it together."
After all that, I just called her. I asked her what house she was referring to, since I still hadn't seen the message from the realtor. When she told about it, and that the house was back on the market, she went on to say that the last few days, she's been thinking about what she wants, and how she wants her life to be, and said that she wants for us to do it. I asked her if that means she also wants to do "us", to which she said that if she was asking, then obviously she was sure. She was at work and said we'd talk more later, but asked if I would call the realtor and have her submit the offer.
So you should read my threads. I was in a very similar position as you. THough at the time my W wanted us to buy the new house we were much further along in our R. Still much of the things to think about from other posters were good. I will find it and provide a link.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
