Ovrrnbw, I'm not sure about any legal considerations but if you're both owners of the nice car then I don't see why you couldn't take it and drive it yourself. Does it have to happen secretly or so soon though? It seems eventually your wife will come home and you could claim the car in your own driveway. Or you could text your wife and ask her to bring the car back so you can drive it and if she says no, you could either tell her to start paying for it herself or you'll sell it. If it's leased that might be a different story. I know your wife is acting crazy but the first option seems to be to get the car in a collaborative manner. If that doesn't work then you could take more extreme measures. I'm not sure how others will look at it but I agree it's time to take steps towards stopping her from taking advantage of you.
I don't know enough to comment about the car wash issue. It sounds like you pay most of the bills. Some states don't allow for legal separations but if yours does you could try to file for a legal separation to get everything in order. Or you can just stop allowing her to take from your salary by removing her from your accounts or checkbook. That probably won't go over very well. I imagine she'll lie and do things to stop you. That's why a legal separation would carry more weight but unfortunately it's not an option everywhere.
I hope you do something. That is really unfair for your wife to be running around with another man and yet living from you financially. Perhaps she'll be forced to make better decisions if there's financial pressure, or she'll just ask the OM to help out. I have no idea because I don't know enough details except that it sounds like you're doing the right thing.
I'm not real happy right now. Just had another convo with WW where I get blamed for everything. I should have skipped softball for her when we were "trying". I shouldn't have treated her so bad leading up to BD and that's why we're here. It's not an affair and other details that probably aren't significant.
I know I need to detach. She is right that we are here b/c of me treating her like crap though. If I was a decent, better person this relationship would have been stronger. Not that I can change anything in the past.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
he is right that we are here b/c of me treating her like crap though. If I was a decent, better person this relationship would have been stronger. Not that I can change anything in the past.
You don't know this for sure. You might have been a perfect H and still ended up here. Also, there is usually a ying for yang. Was your treating her like crap a symptom of something else wrong in the relationship? Something she had some control over?
It is like my sitch. Yes I had shut down, and turned into a critical, verbally abusive, curmudgeon. But why? I didn't just wake up one day and say "I think I'm going to start treating W like crap!"
There were other issues in the MR that got me to that point. SSM. The resentment and anger that it resulted in. The trying to discuss it with her over the years and her making excuses, or blaming me, or trying to justify it as normal. On and on. That finally led, over time, to where we ended up.
WASs, and especially WAWs/WWs will always justify their actions by playing the innocent victim card. Rarely is that true. It might not be completely false either, but rarely is it the whole truth. And it takes two to tango, so even if some of what she says is true, likely she has a lot of culpability in it too.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ovr, all of us want to do this, blame ourselves, take the guilt and think of the woulda shoulda scenarios. What you need now if self care and time away from her. Why are you giving her chances of taking any more digs at you? Steve is right, she is playing the victim card right now. Can you not validate where it is valid and cut the poison convos out? Next she will say you drove her straight into OMs arms, what then?
So the poison convos, how do I avoid them? (Thinking out loud)
Arsh, how do you suggest not giving her the chance to dig at me? Just avoiding convos or not state my opinion?
She is deeply entrenched in her lies. Says her parents, sister, and 2 friends all say it's not an affair. I asked for clarification and she only says I was mean and emotionally abusive to her. I guess marriage to her just means you snap your fingers and it's over - in which case I don't think I care if I'm not married to you. And, according to her family's messed up thoughts, she must have cheated on her BF with her husband (totally not screwed up). She loves the we need to sell the house first excuse, but I haven't heard that one in a while.
I am always thinking about blowing this up, telling the OM everything, his parents her parents, the whole world and just saying screw it. It's amazing WW can treat me this way and still say she loves me.
Last Friday we got a $1,000 check from the mortgage company we just refi'd with. WW forged my signature on it and deposited in the joint account (I have a separate account). I asked her about the forgery yesterday and if that's really a good idea given the situation.
Her response was that it "wasn't for that reason". That's the I'm telling myself lies to feel better response (IMO).
It would be great if I didn't give a you-know-what.
Thurs night to Friday morning completely just ruined my mood. I would have been better off saying nothing. I was pulling out of the garage and she shuts the door several times to prevent me from leaving. Wants me to come inside to talk. Well the talk was all the same old same old. Throughout our talk I asked her why she would tell me she loves me, ask about putting our rings back on, go to counseling, call/text all the time, pretend we were "normal" just to throw me away without saying a peep of her intentions. She said she still "has love for me". I got emotional a couple of times. It's dumb that I did anything more than robot listen and validate, and gave her the satisfaction of realizing I still care. She brought up the fact that I moved my money out of the account.
I need to go back to my "do what works" list and stick to that.
I keep wanting to log all of these details of "how she is wrong". Maybe I need to worry about myself.
GAL this weekend: - coffee out back. There's been fawn deer running around a lot and I have a ton fresh coffees. - shooting - building a grill table for a new grill - some volunteer work? - couple of walmart deals from brickseek.com (dunno if anyone here watches that)
Anyways, you guys are a great group, I don't know where I'd be without the support here.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Went out solo last night. Had 4 women approach me and talked with them. Two of them were babes. One knew my brother's gf and mistook me for him. After proving her wrong [ my favorite thing to do of course ] she took a picture of us together and texted it to herself. Had some physical contact in the bar and ooohh ooh that was nice to see a normal, warm human (not kissing or groping). Made a new guy friend while I was out. Pretty awesome night all in all.
I feel kinda excited to be talking to these women, and it makes me feel better about my situation.
WW called this afternoon and I didn't answer or call back. What's the point? She needs to come home, stay home, and work on the MR before I need to talk to her about anything and everything.
I did look at the car app and knew it was dumb before doing it. Just causes pain when I need to be finding my own happiness. Tomorrow I will make the right choice.
And holy cow Steve had this post in someone's thread about always doing the right thing. That was a powerful thing to read.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Holy cow WW is stressing me out. I did answer or return her call yesterday. DIdn't answer or return 3 calls this morning. WW texts that she "needs" to talk really quick. Yea I didn't respond. Then she texts that I "need to answer" and that I "have 5 min". Then she didn't call. Still didn't respond. But jesus I am feeling super "stressed" for lack of a better word.
My sister says to tell her not to talk to me that way and that she can talk to me at home and my mom says just to put your own needs before hers. What do y'all think?
And she tried logging into my Instagram again (happens about once per week usually).
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
] she took a picture of us together and texted it to herself. Had some physical contact in the bar and ooohh ooh that was nice to see a normal, warm human (not kissing or groping). Made a new guy friend while I was out. Pretty awesome night all in all.