My WAS - looking help and thanks in advance PART 4

[Gordie]

Do what works

Right now being dark is helping you heal

You do not want to be in a three way r

Your actions are speaking louder than your words

But I would not involve another woman now

Too soon

[ovrrnbw]

Maybe some detachment progress for me this last week:

1. Other women's attention helped me feel like this won't be the end.
2. Not feeling the need to answer/respond to WW's calls and texts. Especially since there's not much important, she just wants to chat about small stuff and string me along.
3. Was out with friend last night, talking to a couple people I know. They bring up WW and OM and start going on about how crappy they are. I get sucked in for a minute, but then said "Hey, let's talk about something else. I didn't come up to complain" and so we did.
4. Closed all the DB forum threads on my phone so I wouldn't be thinking about negative stuff.
5. I got a hunting dog Friday night, little black lab puppy 10 weeks old. Morning and evening training starts immediately and she'll get her first bird in a week or so. Her name is Gigi. Now that I won't be hunting with m FIL anymore I am planning the season without him. (Birds start in September and go into March depending on how excited you get about it).

Not fully detached, but working on it today!

[ovrrnbw]

Oh and I didn't check the car app (GPS) all last week to see where she was and what she was doing either. That's a first for me.

[arsh18]

Good for you Ovr, may be you can set up goals for detachment for yourself like no snooping ones and it will help you more.

[ovrrnbw]

Here I am, the Monday thru Friday husband. WW calls twice and texts now that she is at work. I didn't answer. Text says someone wants to look at the house (it's for sale on Facebook). And she wants to talk about Spectrum (cable/wifi) plan changes. I think maybe a detached response is via text:

"Show the house whenever. Spectrum is ok as is".

I don't need to be making changes to this bill that she wants, she can take out service in her name.

I also hate that she wants me to be there for her Mon - Fri 9-5 but can't be there for me at all.

Neffer, you say to "let her go" I should go dark. What do you mean by that? Just NC unless she's standing right in front of me? I hate even communicating with her anymore, I just feel very betrayed and manipulated after last month's episode and it's always on the schedule that fits her other relationship.

It's not an affair according to her, so we are done, so leave me alone.

[SteveLW]

NC = no response unless one is required, IE she asks a direct question. Face to face you answer questions, but listen and validate otherwise.

Whenever, you do answer questions, use as few words as possbile. Yes and no preferably.

[SteveLW]

Detached response, "I am not available right now, but should have time to discuss after work."

[WillD78]

Dude, nice work on this one. I know the urge to "gather intelligence" can be almost overwhelming. Good to celebrate your self control.

Oh and I didn't check the car app (GPS) all last week to see where she was and what she was doing either. That's a first for me.

[neffer]

That´s right Ovr! What you and Steve say!

[Gordie]

Over good job

You are rightfully angry because your w is with OM

You are using that anger to fuel your detachment

Well done

Because when you are detached

You do not care what the g p s says so no need to look

And you cannot let yourself be bothered by picking up her calls when inconvenient

Reply or call back when it fits your schedule

And if she attacks you for it

That will not bother you either

You can just say

I saw you called and texted

I have been really busy

What is up

Just like you would any other annoying not so close person in your life