It is a long process and that mostly and unfortunately is because it takes that long for the LBS to wake the F up!
That is the paradox...the LBS has al the control and doesn't even know it.
Look Im telling you this based on my on mistakes and lessons learned the hard way! I wish someone could've gotten through to me sooner and I would've saved a lot of heart ache for me, my kids, and my ex .
Me: 39 W: 38 S: 15 D: 12 D: 6 BD 8/15 NEED SPACE S 2/16 Divorced 4/17 and loving it, waw came back 12/17.....I declined
This is why it's so critical. Since the S, there have been...I guess you can call them flare-ups, with the W when it came to talking about our situation. It was always emotionally charged and there was always a trigger. After it's been said and done, the clock to rebuild (DB) resets.
I want to make it past day 25. I want to make it to the end of August. I want to continue to DB. I want to continue to feel better about myself daily.
I have never said this all year since this whole thing started...but I'm feeling the best I have been...not just about me dealing with this S, but about how my life is beginning to turn around. It's the happiest I have been in a long time.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
that is amazing progress. The biggest thing for you and me to remember is to keep our cool. Straight up have zero emotions when the WW is spewing BS and trying to argue.
"I have no time for that, sugar. But I see how you feel that way". That kind of response and not the one where we rationalize and argue and explain. Keep your guard up and don't get drawn into the R talk our argument. If you've made it this long you're doing great.
I'm rooting for you.
BTW, are you just weightlifting or are you doing some cardio stuff too?
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
that is amazing progress. The biggest thing for you and me to remember is to keep our cool. Straight up have zero emotions when the WW is spewing BS and trying to argue.
"I have no time for that, sugar. But I see how you feel that way". That kind of response and not the one where we rationalize and argue and explain. Keep your guard up and don't get drawn into the R talk our argument. If you've made it this long you're doing great.
I'm rooting for you.
BTW, are you just weightlifting or are you doing some cardio stuff too?
Originally Posted by Davide
Good to hear. Build on the positive progress!
Thanks for the support guys. Even I'm amazed at how well I'm doing. I keep thinking I'm going to stumble and I'll be back to square one, but having a support system like this reduces my chances of it happening. The thought of "What would DB members do?" (kind of like WWJD) is something that I've been trying to make second nature. At the same time, I'm making some tweaks to my process that may or may not work, but...I know my sitch best.
And three days weight training. Four days of low-impact cardio (lots of walking, playing with D4, hiking). I'm feeling lighter and my clothes are starting to fit looser as well.
Something interesting you mention and I'm curious on how to approach...
You talk about getting drawn into the "R talk". How can I test to see if she is serious or temp checking me? I mean, at this early stage, I'm highly skeptical of what she wants, but I know that after seeing some consistent behaviors from her, I'll need to do...something.
Had MC (solo). Was told to surrender and let W come to me when she's ready. Likened the situation as someone who is trying to approach an angry dog. Slowly the dog will begin to build trust and open up.
W called during my session. Told her where I was (Therapy) and she asked if it was a good session. I said "yes. Out of the years I've been going to therapy, it's the first time I have actually used a notebook." She asked if I should continue to see NGS counselor. I said "Yes. Some issues need to be addressed separately." Met W for 30 seconds, she dropped off D4 and D4 and I went shopping for W's coat (trade for a different color). W asked me if I was planning on going to store tomorrow and I said "Yes!" No further communication from me for the rest of the day. Traded for new coat and drove back home. I got two more texts: "When?" (No response from me). "She go down ok? (No response from me)". Next morning (today) I got a text saying that her alarm didn't go off and she was on her way back (No response from me). I woke up and got ready for my workday. W came home 10 minutes early and I immediately got into my car and got ready to go. She asked me what's the rush. I said I needed to go in early (which I kind of did. I'm...still mad at her but not showing it). She said that was weird and asked me what was wrong. I said, happily, "Nothing! I just need to go in early to get some work done." She basically whatevered into the house and I took off.
Exchanged texts about her coat (she's happy), plans for her to go to yoga Monday so I'll need to babysit D4 (told her that's fine but I lift Monday so I have a time set), and she told me she made me and D4 dinner. (No response)
I'm feeling...really sad today. Maybe it's the clouds, maybe it's exhaustion. Maybe it's the loss of hope and feeling that I will never get an opportunity at love again. Hope it stops soon.
Goal is to continue to DB and not topple progress over to end of August.
Something interesting you mention and I'm curious on how to approach...
You talk about getting drawn into the "R talk". How can I test to see if she is serious or temp checking me? I mean, at this early stage, I'm highly skeptical of what she wants, but I know that after seeing some consistent behaviors from her, I'll need to do...something.
How/what should I do?
Getting antsy for a response folks. This thread was on page 5 already before I decided to post an update and shameless bump.
