O - Keep your conversations and interactions with her to minimum until you are strong enough to handle. The fall back is "yes", "no", "Thank you" or no response at all.
I have only seen my XW for about a total of an hour in the last month. Kid exchange is literally 5 minutes tops and I am in and out. For no reason other than I don't have anything to say.
She hasnt contacted me about anything so the communication issue is pretty good right now.
Thankfully i dont need to see her at kid exchanges due to her charming TRO. SIL or my grandparents are usually the ones to hand S3 off to her.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
Sooooo, how did you come to know she unblocked you?
I explained that in my post last night. I was scrolling through my on Instagram feed, saw my friends Gaming Charity group under "Suggested to Follow" and it lists the the "followed by". I saw her name on the "followed by" listing, which struck me as odd because she has had me blocked since Jan. and if you are blocked the other persons name doesnt come up under such things like that, they are completely blocked out from you seeing anything. Earlier in the day her little chat bubble had reappeared in my list of "Active Contacts" on Facebook messenger too, showing she had unblocked me there also.
Short answer: I wasnt snooping. I was minding my own business on my own social media, and her name is now popping up again as a suggested friend. The only thing i did that i shouldn't have was click on her page for a hot moment, saw one photo, felt the emotional response, and noped the hell off her page.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
The only way for her not to possess al the power in this dynamic is by you not giving it to her. That's not on anyone else but you.
I agree, the thing i struggle with is not being able to choose when she enters headspace, and not being able to push her out of headspace once she gets there, and the "being stuck in a cubicle" factor doesnt help."
Originally Posted by Ginger1
trust me, I know enough about this stuff. My cousin is a psychiatrist. My mother was diagnosed with mental disorders I had to come to understand because dealing with her and understanding how to handle her and how she affected me so deeply , I had no choice. So I learned how to protect myself. From my own mother.
thats awful. I am sorry you had to deal with that. I wish EX had grown through her trauma like you had, rather than being crushed and defined by it.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
IN the end, we take the knowledge of these diseases and take control. You cannot continue to play the emotional predator card. If you are educated, it is in your hands now how much she controls you. Not hers. All these scars she has left are in your hands to take care of now. Which should really be treated by a psychiatrist if you have been so deeply affected.
Working on it with IC. its a long road of recovery, as you know. Just because i logically understand it, and know what i need to do, does not unfortuneatley mean i am free of the ability to be emotionally effected by it. the scars are healing, but still a bit deep and raw. ive got em salved and bandadged, and can function on a daily basis, but the wounds still hurt the the dressings come off. Know what i mean?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
The drill sergeant here is saying you need to man up now and take your knowledge and make it power.
And you dig on me for being passive aggressive. I earned that Ginger, not offended at all Ma'am Yes Ma'am. Ten-Hut!
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I have been raising my daughter, divorced with a narcissist for 11 years now, since she was a baby. 6 months old. I know I had to learn how to raise her for the rest of our life together. it takes a lot of mental fortitude and learning. But the biggest thing was not letting him control me or blaming anything on him anymore. I am in control now.
I have thought a lot about how to go about this. I have a feeling it will get easier with time, it already has with the "amicability" messages last week. I just got stupid and allowed that convo to let me drop my guard.
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
O - It will take a bit for her to get out of your headspace......I would just encourage you to not do anything to put her in your headspace. The hardest part about DBing is being patient and resisting your urges. You must have self-control and that comes easier to some than others.
O - It will take a bit for her to get out of your headspace......I would just encourage you to not do anything to put her in your headspace. The hardest part about DBing is being patient and resisting your urges. You must have self-control and that comes easier to some than others.
I avoid deliberate things that will have her in my headspace, its when she just pops in there uninvited is where i run into trouble. Then i cant get her out of my headspace. I loved this woman so hard, i was so dedicated to my family, our marriage, our son and our goals. Oct 14th will be a YEAR since i found out about OM, and its been over a year already shes been seeing him. i just imagined i would have purged her from my system by now. To still be so attached is not only dumbfounding, but also infinitely frustrating. I wish i could just go have a hypnotist remove her from my mind. forever.
Even any time i am trying to GAL, she is there in the back of my mind. How the hell do you all completely push them out??
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
It just takes time...once your D is final that will help as well. Even though it is a piece of paper it still has an impact. Then when you start dating again that will help also. Eventually you get to a point of acceptance but there is not one magic trick that makes you push them out it is just a combination of things.
Truthfully being separated is the best thing, it's like being D'd without the paperwork. At least that is how I perceived it.
I just cannot fathom getting satisfaction out of negative emotional responses from the father of your child and the man you married. to think of the duality of how i view marriage and commitment vs. how she did is mind-reeling
M: 35, EX-W: 3, S:4 All Divorce Proceedings Complete - Oct 18 ----------------------------------------------------- 2nd EX - Was Engaged - Diagnosed BPD 2 Major breakups. 2 Rebounds
