Just posted in this in another poster's thread. I really think this is what turned my sitch around. And I think it can turn most LBHs' sitched around.
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You need to get awesome! She will either take notice or she won't. But who cares. Part of being awesome is that you are awesome no matter what she does.
Looking back on my sitch, I can see where getting awesome opened my WW's eyes.
First, I finally started letting her go. At one point I was even pushing her out the door. She had made a comment in MC about "when I think about staying it doesn't seem as bad, and when I think about leaving it doesn't seem as good". She said this in context of me being upbeat, pleasant, pleased with life. I no longer focused on her and the MR. I told her afterward: "if you are still framing staying in terms of level of bad, and leaving in terms of level of good, then I think that is your answer!" She immediately back pedaled from that. And then SHE said: "You have been being so awesome lately."
So first, I let go and moved on. Second, I became a present, upbeat, pleased happy guy. I also had some fortunate timing at work where I was named top achiever for 2017, which came with a huge bonus. I got a promotion which that along with top achiever came with huge raise (and we were already doing extremely well). I was GAL, working out, eating right, I started grooming better (at BD I had a full 4 month unkempt beard for hunting). I started dressing better. I started doing more around the house (for ME, not her). In short, I became awesome.
The first time after I became awesome when she opened up to me sexually, I was awesome there too! While i was concerned with her needs, I put my needs first (thanks to the book No More Mr. Nice Guy).I do not mean to brag but I think she saw a side of me there she hadn't seen in 21 years!
Be awesome. Not sure if anyone has suggested the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, but I highly encourage it along with the rest of the reading cadet suggests.
So go out and be AWESOME for yourself!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks for the post Steve- I guess i need to be awesome. Gotta ways to go yet but doing it one step at a time. Glad to hear you are doing well. Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
I read that in the other thread and thought it was awesome. Steve, I just gotta say, it's great having you here. The support and caring you put out for other people is amazing. I wish you only the best in life.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
LW, yw. And you ARE awesome! Now go out there and show the world how awesome you are. Look at Awesum dog for inspiration!
overnbw, thanks again for the encouragement. I know in the hours and days following BD I felt worse than at any other point in my life. Even when I caught her EA in 2005 she immediately said she wanted to work on the MR and was wiling to end the EA. This time was different in she immediately dropped the D word. I really feel for the new posters here that are going through that. In fact, it hurts me when they miss how much I care because I am being frank with them. I found that in my post-BD days that frankness was the only thing that sobered me up and made me listen. Sometimes it might come off as a bit harsh but it is like slapping someone that is in hysterics, sometimes it is the jolt to bring them out of it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I agree with Ovr, you are a great source of support to so many of us here Steve, thanks for everything that you do. How is your D doing ? Hope things are getting better with her too
TY arsh. It's so sad how hard it is to see through the LBS for in our own sitches. I recently re-read all of my old threads. Amazing perspectives from so many posters. This place is an amazing support system!
D is doing better. But man are the teen years tough! Girls are easier than boys until agree 13, then the script flips.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Great advice Steve! I made myself awesome and my M still ended, but you know what, it's OK because I'm STILL AWESOME You make yourself awesome enough then you won't care whether your M makes it or not, because you are making your own damned awesomeness
Great advice Steve! I made myself awesome and my M still ended, but you know what, it's OK because I'm STILL AWESOME You make yourself awesome enough then you won't care whether your M makes it or not, because you are making your own damned awesomeness
Bingo bango!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You make yourself awesome enough then you won't care whether your M makes it or not, because you are making your own damned awesomeness 