Well i dont know that for certain, I have my assumptions. The original OW lives 4 hours away. But with how much he is out, its hard not to assume that he has met someone else. Or is still constantly talking to her. I should say, inDecember when I saw her texts, he said it was not a physical affair, which was a lie. It was physical, emotional, everything. And from then on he ended it and started it and ended it and started it, repeatedly. I do not know if they still talk, he has of course told me they do not and he says he doesnt care about her blah blah blah blah. I havent asked about her in 3 weeks, again, part of the 180 I really am sticking to. Everyone has said in these forums to not focus so much on OW, if it wasnt her it would be someone else. I of course fear he loves her and they will always continue to talk, but as of right now I do not know anything for certain. And he is out after work m-f until like 8pm or later sometimes, and then on weekends he stays out even later, like 2am before texting me to tell me he is coming home and asking if thats okay and i always say yes. Maybe I should say to just stay somewhere else for the night, as it is late and if he wants to see us the next day he can let me know or something....I dont know. But yes, I assume he speaks to other women because that is what he did before.
I am hoping to keep hope that this sitch can turn around, and i dont want to do things wrong. But that brings me back around to fear, and Steve nailed the fear thing. This is so hard. Hope is all that keeps me going and sticking to this. Its so hard too because I try to GAL, but he isnt home enough to even NOTICE Im not there!
You are competing with the OW. So kick her A$$. Not physically, but in the battle for your H. No, it shouldn't be a competition, but guess what, it is. That is how I handle my sitch.
One of your boundaries is no sex until OW is out of picture and H has been tested for STD's.
That doesn't mean you can't be the sexy you. Be sexy for YOU. I am sure you can do this. Make him see what he will be missing. What he desires now that he can't have it......
Stay strong
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I agree with the competing, Im not but I am, and I would like some suggestions as to how to win that competition? How can I become more exciting than someone that he has no responsibilities with, can just have fun, WANTS to be with. He doesnt seem to WANT to have fun with me anymore. He doesnt ask me to do anything with him anymore. With her he was doing fun things that he was never even asking me to do. It makes no sense. How do I compete with that when he isnt giving me the opportunity? What do I do??
I know he finds me attractive, he tells me. When he gets home at night I wear cute little bed time outfits and he notices because he has mentioned it a few times. But he clearly isnt choosing to try to spend time with me still. I want to be like the girl he fell in love with, who he wanted to spend so much time with, but its like now he just sees me as being a mom all the time and he doesnt ever say "hey, lets leave the baby with your mom and go grab a drink", instead he goes and grabs drinks every single day with his work buddies and is most likely speaking to the girl bartenders, etc. (The OW was a bartender which is how he met her). I dont know how to compete with her. I feel like I am better than this OW in every single way, but my downside is that im his WIFE, with me its reality and bills and actual life and with her its none of that. I cant win, right? suggestions welcome........
And as far as that statement goes, I would say "H, I am not willing to live in an open marriage, when you are seeing other woman I feel..... *I deserve better *disgusted with you *less than what I know I am worth *disrespected *unvalued *I can find happiness elsewhere and need to allow myself that opportunity *sad as hell *completely heart broken *completely broken as a person and right now I need to be an amazing mom, and when I feel broken I am not at my best for OUR little girl that I 100% care for as you figure out your life.
I also have a question for everyone. When he goes out (every night) but on nights he is coming home later than normal (usually 10pm or later) he will text me and say "I am on my way home, is that ok?". Tonight, if he does that, should I change my normal response of "ya" to somethihng different? As in saying "Its really late, feel free to come see the baby in the morning" or just say "its late, probably should stay somewhere else"....or should I just stick to saying yes and not make it a bigger deal than it is? I dont care that he comes home late bc right now I think hes just super confused in his life. But I would love to hear what everyone thinks
And as far as that statement goes, I would say "H, I am not willing to live in an open marriage, when you are seeing other woman I feel..... *I deserve better *disgusted with you *less than what I know I am worth *disrespected *unvalued *I can find happiness elsewhere and need to allow myself that opportunity *sad as hell *completely heart broken *completely broken as a person and right now I need to be an amazing mom, and when I feel broken I am not at my best for OUR little girl that I 100% care for as you figure out your life.
Those are great. I had: *disrespected *we shouldn't live in the same house. *it is best if we do not act (pretend,behave...) like we are married (friends).
What about completing this one:
Quote
H, I am not willing to live in an open marriage, when you are seeing other woman I feel disrespected and believe it is best if we do not behave like we are happily married. I would prefer to work on the marriage, but your current behaviour is not what I desire in a H. I want a H that ......
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
H, I am not willing to live in an open marriage, when you are seeing other woman I feel disrespected and believe it is best if we do not behave like we are happily married. I would prefer to work on the marriage, but your current behaviour is not what I desire in a H. I want a H that ......
[/quote]
"I want a H that wants to spend time with his family and experience fun things together. A H that wants to take care of his family A H that loves me through the hard times and wont bail when things get rough A H that will fight for his family A H that doesnt have to be in the bar 7 days a week A H who is HONEST"
The more I do this, the more I see just how badly I am being treated by him. We get along very well right now, but I cannot believe this is the man I married. He was NEVER this way. Its 6:45pm on a Friday evening and I know I wont be seeing him at all this evening. I know he is down the street at the bar. This is so absurd. Im so sick of hurting and I feel like the last 3 weeks of doing the 180 is the only time I havent been hurting as bad as I was. I dont know if its because he comes home every night or what, but I know when I make him leave the house its SO MUCH HURT. I just cant bring myself to do that right now. But I also hate the life he is leading. He swears we are his first priority but his actions show the exact opposite. This is NOT HIM. I mean he would drop EVERYTHING a year ago to do something for one of my nieces or nephews and now we have a baby and I know if i needed him he would be here, but I cant believe it comes to that,. I cant believe I have to "NEED" him in order for him to be here before 2am. I dont want to argue with him, I dont want to be cold to him or cause drama, I just dont want any of this to be happening. UGH
