WW- Equalzr's saga pt 2. WW's & MLC'er advice plz

[Ginger1]

why is she in the MBR? Take her stuff and toss it out! Make a statement. You are sharing a bed with a woman who is sharing a bed with the OM.

And is she out every night? Oh heck to the no! She needs to be home with your son. You split those days. She wants to go disappear 3 nights a week, fine. But you tell her then you get an equal amount of weeknights to be wherever you please, whether you are in your bed, or at a friend's house.

Splitting household duties? Nope. You do for you and your son. That's it. She doesn't feel like being a mother, that's on her. You continue to be a father and worry about just him and you. I would not ever have a meal on the table for her. Ever.

Time to get you cojones back, my friend! You'll feel so much better for it, it will be good for your son to see it, and she can get a dose of reality.

[ovrrnbw]

Yea Equalizer,

whatever you're doing for her needs to stop. She'll whine and say you're being hard on her and boohoo per WW. Oh well. You're are enabling her in the affair by still supporting her.

If your S asks where mom is, tell him to ask her. Don't cook for her. Don't support her. She doesn't want you, so you aren't going to try for her. If marriage is so easily set aside in her mind, then OK that's it. We're done, I'm not here for you anymore.

When you say stuff like you're "going dark" it just shows that you aren't committed yet to pulling the plug. If I can see it, she can see it. The longer you play Plan B, the worse she will treat you.

[equalzr]

Message received! Do i pull her laundry out of basket too, since all our laundry is combined? There are some things she does such as grocery shop etc so that will be 1 more thing for me to do.

As far as S goes, he tried asking last year because he obviously was use to the 3 of us being together. W told our S that she's grown, pays the bills, and hes a kid so its none of his business, and she basically yelled at him while doing it. Hes been scared to ask her about it since. She lashes out defensively quitreasily at anything that makes her look bad or questions her.

I still remember not quite a year into this whole ordeal, she was mad at me because i didnt give her advance warning i was going to a movie one night and it ruined her plans. She didnt care that she had done that to me pretty much 5 days a week for almost a year. Ive definitely been used throughout this...and do i feel stupid.

W still does motherly things for S, but hes not #1 on priority list anymore. That and she basically abandoned us when this first started, she was gone from afternoon til morning. That said, shes still the main bread winner, provides insurance etc, and definitely uses it to justify what she does.

Thanks for the advice everyone!

[Ginger1]

OMG, yes, you pull that laundry out of the basket!

So what, go grocery shopping!!! And only for what you and son want and need! She gives you a request, you do not get it! She can handle it. She chooses to engage in an affair, you are no longer a husband to her.

Dead serious about, "you can do whatever you choose with MON,WED, FRI, ect, I can do whatever I want TUE, THURS, SAT, and we alternate sunday night" I would even tell her this is how it will be when you guys aren't living under the same roof, so she better get used to it.

Don't take this crap anymore. Don't be a cuckold.

Women dig men who have respect for themselves. But really, you should do this for yourself.

[SteveLW]

I think you pulling your laundry out of hers and not doing her laundry would send a pretty strong message. When she mentions it say "I understand how you feel. However, giving you space means that I also need to stop doing the kinds of things that your H would normally do for you."

[equalzr]

I think you pulling your laundry out of hers and not doing her laundry would send a pretty strong message. When she mentions it say "I understand how you feel. However, giving you space means that I also need to stop doing the kinds of things that your H would normally do for you."

I get it. I started pulling things off the table since she filed for D a few weeks ago. She definitely tested the waters to see what she could still get me to do. I told her those are things husbands do and you've made it clear you don't want that.

[equalzr]

It probably looks like im a doormat type of guy, but i wasnt that way when this first started. I was an a hole to her quite a bit when she started going MIA, and rightfully so. She deserved every bit of it and now that i know what was actually happening i can say she deserved/deserves even more.

Thst said, there was a longer peiod of time where i was getting advice before finding db site, and that advice was to be patient, be a good husband, work on yourself, and dont give any ultimatums. These were all from christian sources so i followed along. Being a doormat is far from my personality. I think i was worried sbout pushing W away even further at one point so i will admit to that.

Sadly for the majority of the 1.5 years i was stuck being in nice guy mode and got played badly. I just didnt have anyone giving me advice that said otherwise unfortunately. As a result W built a long term R with OM and now it seems cemented and she wants out of M.

[equalzr]

W has taken it to the next level. Now shes trying to provoke arguments and any type of confrontation possible. I definitely think shes trying to provoke me so she can use it against me, she usually operates with an agenda. Im going to steer clear of her period. Very sad to see someone i was so close to make me out to be their enemy. How am i the bad guy again?

[equalzr]

So W saw her lawyer. Seems they think im not entitled to anything, short marriage (long engagement 12 or so years). She tells me that shes been being nice to me by letting me "stay in her house". Was she being nice to me by lying to me for a year and dating another man while we were married? Having a PA with same man? Telling me every fault i had through our entire relationship over the last year?

Sorry im once again venting because im p.o'd. Im in a bad situation. Partly my fault, and partly W's doing. W gets to leave M with OM, home, pension etc and i get to leave with much of nothing. Wish i would have known this before i agreed to live lifestyle W wanted for our family.

Seems like there is no getting away from this nightmare. Its there everyday and is suffocating.

[equalzr]

Journaling...

I was thinking that W has really been getting antagonisyic with me. It seems she almost is trying to pick fights and im not always good at steering clear of them when she does it either. I was trying to figure out why she has been this way, or what was goong on because we have never had this type of tension going on between us even through this sitch. Then it dawned on me that this coincided with her filing for divorce. Its almost like she has made it a point that she has animosity with me since she filed, or at least that she is making it so intentionally...almost like it had to be there if there is a D going on. I dont know if its because she was done once she filed and figured the hell with me after that or its her conscience or what???

I told her what she was doing isnt right(creating drama), and that she was better than that. Obviously she didnt respond well to that and she started to just get more fired up from it. I know i should have said as little as possible but it was in the heat of the moment and now i realize that i have to stay lazer focused on not falling into her traps.

Im guessing this is a common theme but W will play friendly when she wants/needs something or is trying to let me know she is "helping me" when she is getting ready to use me or get over on me in some sort of fashion in regard to D.

We are now getting ready to get into the thick of the D sitch, and ill take any advice i can get. I have sought legal advice, but i definitely am going to need more and id also like advice from my fellow db'ers. I believe my W would like it if i would just lesve with nothing and vanish into thin air. Im having a real tough time coping with the idea that i probably wont get to see my S everyday or have him under the same roof as me every night. Thats the worst part of this whole thing.