DB is counter intuitive T. But it takes time. Don´t get anxious. Relax, keep reading and posting. You must get her respect back. Believe nothing that she says. Read Over´s last post up here.
Have faith in yourself. Keep DBing. You have the strength. It will get better.
Thanks again Nef. I know it's counter intuitive. I'm just not sure it's having the desired effect of helping me, or helping our M.
I guess at the very least, a few weeks ago she was completely checked out, and didn't seem to have any feelings or emotions towards me. I don't think she ever hated me or was angry at me or anything, but she just didn't feel much of anything. Now she at least was mad at me, which is some form of caring/emotion.
Like I said, I know the 'game'. I just hate playing it.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
W's been sick all day and mostly sleeping. We've had some small talk. She said that October is going to be crazy because SHE has 2 weddings to go to, SHE has a work dinner (that I went w/ her the last few years), SHE has some benefit party one night, and her and S have that concert. Am I reading too much into her choice of the word 'she' instead of 'we'?
Little stuff like that still bothers me. I feel like I'm pretty much an afterthought in her future plans.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I am not pro at any of this my sitchsl started a mere 2 weeks ago, but my wife has been doing the same thing L. She'll say us sometimes and revert to me and I at others I personally wouldn't take it to seriously as I think it is yet another way for the WAS to get into our head to draw reactions and emotions.
I am not pro at any of this my sitchsl started a mere 2 weeks ago, but my wife has been doing the same thing L. She'll say us sometimes and revert to me and I at others I personally wouldn't take it to seriously as I think it is yet another way for the WAS to get into our head to draw reactions and emotions.
You're probably right. And maybe they're trying to get themselves used to speaking in 'separate' terms?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I'm trying man. Believe me, the last few R talks we had, she's the one that initiated them. And last night she was angry about it, cause I seem to be 'ignoring' the sitch (her words). Me not communicating and being emotionally available are her biggest complaints about our M. That's why it's still confusing to me in a way. Like I said earlier, for me, a 180 would be to initiate deep conversations, discuss feelings, etc. But I can't do them and detach/follow the rules at the same time.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
You can do whatever you want. I already addressed the communication issue with you earlier. What you do with the advice based on all of our experiences is up to you. But I think you'll be disappointed in the outcome if you become Mr. Deep Talker.
Anyway, DB rules are voluntary. Don't feel like you're obligated to follow them.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
You can do whatever you want. I already addressed the communication issue with you earlier. What you do with the advice based on all of our experiences is up to you. But I think you'll be disappointed in the outcome if you become Mr. Deep Talker.
Anyway, DB rules are voluntary. Don't feel like you're obligated to follow them.
lol. Don't worry, I'm not going to become Mr. Deep Talker. For starters, it's just not my nature. I know I need to be more 'open', but I'm not going to turn into some dweeb talking about my feelings all the time.
But, I do have a question. Although who knows what can/will happen in 4 days. She apparently has an IC appt tuesday. Would it be appropriate for me to ask how it went or anything like that?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Again, that's up to you. My advice is to let her bring it up. But look T these sitches are unique in their complexities. So if asking her how it went will work in your sitch then do it.
I'm my threads you'll see that I instituted talk charges and touch charges. That isn't strictly DBing and certainly wouldn't work in the vast majority of the sitches on this board, but did in my sitch.
Do what works. Stop what doesn't. All I suggest is to not proclaim something a failure because you don't want to do it. Be honest with yourself.
Last edited by Steve85; 08/25/1802:28 AM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Again, that's up to you. My advice is to let her bring it up. But look T these sitches are unique in their complexities. So if asking her how it went will work in your sitch then do it.
I'm my threads you'll see that I instituted talk charges and touch charges. That isn't strictly DBing and certainly wouldn't work in the vast majority of the sitches on this board, but did in my sitch.
Do what works. Stop what doesn't. All I suggest is to not proclaim something a failure because you don't want to do it. Be honest with yourself.
Steve, when you get a chance, can you post a link to your initial sitch? I'm still having trouble searching and finding specific things on here. I thought I stumbled across it once, but can't find it again!
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
