MLC or WAW?

[ovrrnbw]

No, my spouse never tried that. She is a brat and knows that they know the truth. Since they know the truth, and subsequently haven't coddled her, she knows they are not safe to talk to.

Usually the WW's all want to be told what they doing is "OK", "right", or that "they deserve it". Then they pick their audience accordingly.

[EZdozit]

My SIL is the one person on my side of the family that would take an a subjective view as W would always confide in her regarding our family dynamics. The thing W fails to realize is how close this has brought me with SIL.

I know this path to possibly get to R is going to have a lot of twists and turns.

You are right, they take justification anywhere they can find it and avoid anyone that will tell them otherwise like the plague.

[EZdozit]

Journaling:

Yesterday I had quite of bit of interaction with W, as I dropped S6 off at her place. I had my IC apt in the afternoon and had my son stay with my mom for roughly an hour. I had texted W that I would drop S off at 5:30 b/c I lead my support group on Monday nights and it's very important to me. W clapped back that she needed him dropped off at 6 b/c she wanted to go to a Zumba class. I held my ground and she relented. (progress). Fast forward to the afternoon, W sends text that she wants S6 to be dropped off at 4:30 so she can go to a later class. I reply that we were at my Mom's house and couldn't get S to her place by that time. She then sends a passive aggressive text which I didn't respond to.

Right before I leave my mom's house, S got stung by a bee...which was a huge concern b/c he has severe allergic reactions and may been required to go to ER. Luckily some Benadryl did the trick, but W called immediately when I texted that S was stung and acted like we were H&W of old.

I get my son dropped off earlier then she originally requested...but now she has no plans to do anything and just wants to get school supplies w/S. During interaction, she was cordial and didn't show any coldness.

Last night, I was handling some bills and I received a couple of medical bills that I had to ask W question about so texted her. She replied immediately and said she would pay for the expense and sends me a kiss emoji..


Long and short, I'm realizing that I'm having a really tough time with Detaching.

I've been reading NMMNG and do believe I have some of those tendencies.

Working to get back my masculinity....but its a process.

[EZdozit]

Journaling:

My Mom called yesterday evening and informed me that W didn’t bring S6 over to her house yesterday as S threw a fit saying how he needed “mommy time”. W ended up taking S to work with her.

My mom then read me the text exchanges btwn W and her. W claimed that my travel for work were impacting S in a negative way and that she was blaming me for S6 irrational behavior. Yet she is the one that has farmed S out to anyone that could take him during her time.

My job requires 50% travel and I’ve been behind the last year in the fact that I stayed close to home the last year so W could be with her dying M in hospital and to make sure S maintained a normal schedule. So work has put pressure for me to get out more frequently.,,rightfully so.

So far, W hasn’t been to flexible in handling our custody agreement and won’t take any accountability for her choices that have impacted S.

For the 1st time my mom stated that’s she felt W was in LaLa land and being completely selfish and focused only on herself. It’s crazy to me how W has turned everything around to make it my fault. I know it’s MLC...but W can appear and act completely normal around others, but won’t consider listening to anyone that won’t agree with her.

Patience, Patience, patience...

Any one have suggestions on how to handle?

[EZdozit]

Journaling:

Left for work trip yesterday morning..W had S6 try to FaceTime me in the morning while I was getting on plane so I missed call. Got another FaceTime call around noon while I was in a lunch meeting so let it pass again. W then texts me that S has attempted to FaceTime me several times and I wasn’t available, says they would try again around 5.

W then texts me that she has made arrangements for S to stay at friends house for next 2 days as she had to take him to work with her 2 days in a row. I did t respond or react to any of these texts.

W and S call in late afternoon while she was taking S to friends home in my neighborhood. Call was over car speaker so S & my talk W could also listen and interject. Call lasted almost 45 minutes where W and I were just making small talk about how things have been going with work, sale of our house, S activities, etc.

While I did enjoy talking to W as if it was old times, I was a bit hesitant. And sure enough, towards the end W says she realized S swim suit and gear were at my house. W then asks if it would be ok to stop by and pick up as S started to complain and react that he didn’t want to have to wear another kids suit. I was reluctant, but realized I was out on the spot with S in background. I didn’t agree to allow her in, but also didn’t make a stand like I should have. So W went to my house and got swimsuit and possibly several other items that I won’t know until I get back in town.

Frustrated that she wrapped me around the axle and used S to manipulate the situation. I haven’t addressed my concerns to her yet, but do feel like I need to reaffirm my boundaries and expectations.

Does anyone reading this have advice if I should approach with a firm fist or should I let it lay?

I feel as if I just hosed myself on progress that I had made in not being a doormat...

[SteveLW]

Does anyone reading this have advice if I should approach with a firm fist or should I let it lay?

This is an easy one:

1) Change the locks.
2) Don't give her a key.

Then when she says "S wants his so-and-so, can I go to your house and get it?" "You can say, you can't get in, it will have to wait until I am back."

[EZdozit]

Journaling:

Got back from my work trip on Friday evening and went to gym to enjoy and good workout. The following morning I go to pick up my son and had essentially no dialogue with W as I keep my focus on S6 to get his things and leave as quickly as I can.

I ask S how his week went and how his first day of 1st grade at his new school went. He tells me it was ok but he missed his old school. (W moved him into new school district right after BD and I was in such a fog I allowed it to happen....did everything she said in effort to get her to come back). S then tells me he went over to my house again and W had picked up a few other items at marital home while also taking some of his toys he wanted as they “dropped into the neighborhood”to play with one of his friends.

I text W that on Sunday when she comes to pick up S I expect her to leave both her house and mail keys with me. W reply’s that she doesn’t have either which is a fabrication.

It’s amazing some of the stories MLC tell themselves.

[KitCat]

Change the locks.

Hire someone or in reality its a trip to Lowe's and about 30min of your time. Even if you have never done a single household repair in your life this is a super easy place to start. Buy a recognized brand like Kwikset, go to their website and watch a quick video.

Problem solved.

Keep moving forward and don't be afraid to set your boundaries.

[EZdozit]

Journaling,

So a ton has changed with my sitch. On Teusday I get a call from my boss, HR is on phone with him and says due to business troubles, they are making a reduction in workforce and I am being termed.

[EZdozit]

Journaling:

So with my recent termination, my sitch has elevated to new levels. I’m still living in marital home and have been actively trying to sell it since May. Have made price reductions 4 times now. I was transparent with W about my job sitch and she provided me with some choice comments about how it impacts her, her child support payments, etc. with no respect, compassion, or concern to me.

In the 2 week’s since, W has been in constant contact w/me about items concerning house, S academic performance and poor behavior in his new school,etc. I’ve maintained S6 is lashing out due to all the changes in his world, W flat out denies our separation has a thing to do with it. S6 is in IC.

W has also used S to manipulate schedule and situations to better her needs. Last week was bad, as I went to pick him up on Friday as it was my weekend. s6 sees me at aftercare and immediately becomes upset saying that W had plans to take him to friends house. I tell son that’s our weekend together and he throws a fit in front of teachers, kids, etc. I feel horrible as we walk out, but know it was W fault for this reaction.