I did some accounting. Looks like every dime we make is spent. CC's are for extra so we are just adding to the pile of debt every month. Scary to see on paper. I printed the budget out for her to see. Is that a mistake?
I think she has a small part of her paycheck that she keeps for other CC's I dont know about.
We literally spend what we make each month. If we split up, I have no idea how that divides up. Only 2 CC's are in both our names. I have 4 in my name and I have no idea how many she has in her name. Under mine there is about 3k. Under here name I'm guessing about 30-40k.
What do i do here? Wait? If we try and work things out get a hold of the expenses? If we S how do I figure what I will be paying?
Any ideas?
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
I did some accounting. Looks like every dime we make is spent. CC's are for extra so we are just adding to the pile of debt every month. Scary to see on paper. I printed the budget out for her to see. Is that a mistake?
I think she has a small part of her paycheck that she keeps for other CC's I dont know about.
We literally spend what we make each month. If we split up, I have no idea how that divides up. Only 2 CC's are in both our names. I have 4 in my name and I have no idea how many she has in her name. Under mine there is about 3k. Under here name I'm guessing about 30-40k.
What do i do here? Wait? If we try and work things out get a hold of the expenses? If we S how do I figure what I will be paying?
Any ideas?
I wish I could give you some advice, but I found out I'm basically in the same position as you. I'll be looking forward to hearing from the experts
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Yes the CC charges are to her cards. She buys clothes, and all her feel good stuff like makeup, hair do's, kids clothes, and her lunches.
I told W the other day that we need to sit down and look at all the CC debt. She said ok, but then said that it's her debt that she'd have to take with her if we separate. So at least I got that going for me...
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
We haven't said ILY's in a few days. Man that is hard.
It could be so much worse.
Let me offer some perspective: my WW stays with another man 6-7 nights a week. Last time I talked to her I pursued a bit and she told me she still "has love for me". Barf. And barf at myself for trying to plead with a cheater and stooping so low.
Your wife had an emotional affair right? Seems like a WW to me. Maybe you got lucky and found out before things got too serious.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Yes the CC charges are to her cards. She buys clothes, and all her feel good stuff like makeup, hair do's, kids clothes, and her lunches.
I told W the other day that we need to sit down and look at all the CC debt. She said ok, but then said that it's her debt that she'd have to take with her if we separate. So at least I got that going for me...
Im pretty sure this is not true. Or at least not necessarily true. I would guess that it varies by state. But the way I understand, the stuff that you make and spend while you are married is considered joint regardless of the "location" of the money. Now, if she brought 10K of debt INTO the marriage, then that could possibly be hers still. But if she goes on a trip right now, you are still liable for half.
As to the original question, it may be a good idea to consider a financial separation if she is not interested in working out a budget with you. I will say that I, like you, put together a complete budget with my income and my ex's income and all of my expectations for our expenses to show how difficult it would have been for her to separate on her own. It just added to her resolve to show me that she could do it and didnt need me. You dont want her to stay out of obligation or out of a fear of finacial issues anyway.
Knowledge is power. So keep your cards close to your vest. BUT, it is a good time to discuss what a reasonable budgeting plan looks like. Maybe just lineup the income and the expenses. Whether the rest goes to savings or personal expenditures or whatever should be up for discussion. But figure out a way to make it so you arent living on nothing and then half to give over half of what is yours later anyway.
So I get home from work and put my phone on the charger. Well, on my wife's iPad, I see a meme on her alerts from a facebook divorce life coach about being strong for your kids after divorce. It's like the BD all over again. Anxiety started immediately. To the garage I go until W & D come home. Try to spend some time with D and GAL after she goes to bed. Uh this crap blows.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
I think she had an EA. Thats the conclusion i jumped to anyway. Her soroity reunion trip is a few months away still. I try not to think about it. The last time she went to her reunion, we had just started dating. She called and texted from it all the time.
This time we have D so I don't know how she will be in contact. Whenever either of us goes on a trip we always call at D's bedtime to say goodnight. We shall see if we are even together at that time. I'm slipping. Really want to pursue but trying to be strong. They will be home in a few minutes. Stay strong I keep telling myself. Hoping the book will help me but haven't had time to read!
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
