Incoming III (The DB Journey gains steam?)

[Terapin]

Well if it were me, I'd like to drive over and beat the living [censored] out of OM. But something tells me that's not the appropriate plan of action...

[Phoenix9]

So just breathe and if she brings it up say “it was just a moment. It’s passed”?

[Phoenix9]

She didn't bring it up.

She did ask if I was ok afterwards. I simply said yes and just stared out the window on the drive home.

Something of concern...

She was borrowing my laptop and I noticed that I left my browser signed in...all of my bookmarks, the history of my browsing, everything...was in her field of view.

I went and calmly asked if she saw anything or clicked on anything like my bookmarks while she had it (she had it for months and all of my browsing history is on there. No porn or anything like that...just webpages on saving the marriage).

She denied it. I don't know if she is telling the truth or not, but something tells me she saw and she knows my intentions.

I don't know how to feel.

This feeling really stinks. I feel like I'm just in a holding pattern waiting for the plane to crash or to be guided to safety. I can't believe it's only been one month. How am I going to deal with several more of these?

Edit: and I’m also assuming she saw my alternative email that used to buy the DB/DR books. The mail app had both of those emails.

I don’t know what to do or feel at this point. She has to know my motives at this point.

[Phoenix9]

I'm reading the DR book...specifically the Last-Resort technique. One section jumped out at me:

Learn quickly to back off, shut up, and walk away when I want to speak out

I felt very strongly that I demonstrated this when I hesitated to speak about what's on my mind and told her that I don't want to talk about because it will be emotionally charged and only negativity has come out of it.

She said we should shelve it and I agreed. While I was still shaken (really shaken), I was proud that I did not succumb to my emotions and told her how I really felt. About what how OM is really affecting me, about what I did to cause her to see OM and even imply that W is going camping with OM this weekend.

None of it.

Onward to Day 29.

[Phoenix9]

My anxiety must be through the roof. The stuff I wrote has parts that do not mesh together well at all. Bad sentence structure and whatnot.

[Gordie]

Your w is with an OM

Why are you going on drives together

Why is she borrowing your laptop

Your actions say

I am okay with this situation

And then you get upset when she implies

She is okay with this situation too

One thing you wrote earlier

You want to tell her you know why she is doing what she is doing

That is so condescending

Please do not say that

I do not recommend the talk you want

You do not sound ready for that

I have a feeling your counselor is not a d b coach

Hard to mix and match approaches

[Phoenix9]

I’m seeing an MC by myself. He was the one who told me why I’m in the sitch I’m in.

The other is a NGS counselor. He is working with me to get my NGS cured.

The other stuff...is out of necessity.

Why is the talk condescending? Is it considered pursuit?

[Gordie]

As a man

Do not tell any woman

Particularly a woman with whom you are in conflict

You know why she is doing what she is doing

That is condescending

It is presumptuous

Do you have a d b coach

No idea how you can mix approaches

[Phoenix9]

I don’t. I can’t afford one.

Part of me wants to tell her because I do know what I did to cause this to fail.

The other part is to make her realize what she is doing is wrong (fruitless and useless I know).

MC calls db surrendering.

[ovrrnbw]

MC calls it surrendering, but wants you to pursue right? I did MC too by myself a long time. They want you to be emotionally honest and pursue the WW. That's up to you. Do you think it will work? Or do you think she'll just keep you as plan B longer and lose respect for you?