All things considered, I have not showed any signs of desperation to W. Even when I know her dating OM, I was able to vent and cry it out to my support group and journal my journey with you here.
I’m proud of myself. I am making progress. I don’t need anyone else to validate it for me because I know something is working. I’m becoming a better, stronger me for myself and D4.
Back for a bit. Here was the TL:DR version of session:
I've been DB for longer than 31 days (110 days). The process started on May 11 when I started to go out of my comfort zone and do things that I would enjoy. That was the day I went out and listened to music on my own late at night. It was rough going because W was on my mind CONSTANTLY. The process to GAL was slow but it gained steam as W didn't need to give me suggestions of GAL for me. I was able to find that stuff on my own. The arguments were getting fewer and further between but the real breakthrough came this past Monday when W finally told me her role in our split and we were able to identify our flaws that led to this breakdown.
DB coach says I'm ahead of where I should be. I need to GAL more. So while W is on vacation (likely with OM. She called me 5 times today. I answered once. She thought about giving me the contact number but never got it since her friend has it. I'm not going to bother asking for it, as much as I want it.).
DB coach said W is a WAW. She left because she felt there was no hope in me changing and M was not going to change, so she went to find it elsewhere. Said the changes I'm making and her acknowledging is now causing a battle in her mind...is my H really changing or will he go back to the man he was leading to our S? Hence the reason why I need to keep doing what I"m doing...Detaching, GAL, and...validating. Be the sweet man W fell in love with. I feel those traits coming back to me. What is it going to lead to? I don't know. But I do know that I'm an awesome dude and getting better regularly. Either W will recognize that, or some other lucky lady will.
W and OM vacation really bothering me. Two anxiety attacks last night. I ended up going on a two hour drive to get myself tired enough to get some sleep.
I can’t even imagine what the next 5 days are going to be like.
W and OM vacation really bothering me. Two anxiety attacks last night. I ended up going on a two hour drive to get myself tired enough to get some sleep.
I can’t even imagine what the next 5 days are going to be like.
Forget about it. YOU. ARE. AWESOME. Awesome means that she could release a porn video of her with 100 other guys, and the news would roll off your back like water off a duck! You have this. Nothing she does or says changes the fact that you are awesome.
Awesome guys control their own destiny and happiness. That is what we are...awesome guys.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It´s hard but you need to find something to keep your mind away from those thougths. Is your D staying with you now? Go out and do something with her. Don´t waste too much energy on negative feelings. Exercise, do some physical activity.
Hang in there
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
