Clean Slate Pt. 2 (Advice on my Scenario Pt. 24)

[neffer]

How have you LBH's dropped your physical attraction?
I find that really keeps me hung up.
I have yet to see, or meet a woman i feel even compares to EXW as far as natural attraction and looks.

I set it in my head she was the love of my life, the only woman id ever be with again and is still in my mind so damn gorgeous.
How do you move past that?

Well O, it´s about choices now. Love is a feeling, but it is also a choice. It´s about seing reality and choosing what to do. It takes time, a lot of it sometimes.

Let me tell you about my ventures. Somedays I wake up thinking in OW. Back in my foggy days, she was meant to be the love of my life, and supposedly we were going to live happily ever after. She nurtured my confidence in getting my emotional intelligence, she indoctrinated me sometimes saying things like if I wasn´t happy then my son would never have a happy life. So I needed to be happy. But I couldn´t. I couldn´t cope with leaving my son or leaving my wife. So I had a choice to make. And I did it. So when I wape up with silly thoughts, I just ask myself if I am where I want to be.

MInd plays games with us. We just need to be confident of ourselves. I´m nearly 3 years free of OW. Fighting sex adiction and/or empowering my willingness (thank you Steve!) to stand my choice. 3 years! So you can see, it takes time...

Choose wisely O!

[JRuss]

There's no recipe for making a physical attraction go away. One day, you'll just see more of what's inside her than out, and you'll be glad you improved yourself and moved on. That you escaped a life with a woman who'd treat you the way she's treated you. You'll know you tried as hard as could be expected of anyone and that she didn't. You'll realize she's squandered years in which she could have developed as a human being and didn't, and it will turn you off.

I sense that you're frustrated with the pace at which you're healing. I don't blame you. Just realize it will happen, and bring your focus back to the now. The more you worry about the future, or fret about the past, the more unhappy you'll be in the only moment that matters: now.

How many days in a row have you meditated?

[TBSakaJ9]

[quote]There's no recipe for making a physical attraction go away. One day, you'll just see more of what's inside her than out, and you'll be glad you improved yourself and moved on. That you escaped a life with a woman who'd treat you the way she's treated you.[quote]

O this is very true..........when you feel yourself growing and becoming stronger emotionally, physically, and spiritually you will start to make the shift because when you look at her you will see she is still stuck in the same place she was before. You will see that she did not look deep inside herself to see why the MR failed and that she moved on, as is, and just replaced you with another person.

I highly doubt that my XW is exploring herself and looking deep within and making the necessary changes to be the best partner she can be in her next relationship.

[OrangeK]

O this is very true..........when you feel yourself growing and becoming stronger emotionally, physically, and spiritually you will start to make the shift because when you look at her you will see she is still stuck in the same place she was before. You will see that she did not look deep inside herself to see why the MR failed and that she moved on, as is, and just replaced you with another person.

Joseph, you are right. In fact i already see this happening.

I highly doubt that my XW is exploring herself and looking deep within and making the necessary changes to be the best partner she can be in her next relationship.

The silver lining in all of this, getting knocked prone in the dirt has caused me to really look at who I am as a man.
This event is turning a 29 year old boy into a 31 year old man.

[Vanilla]

Orange can I ask a favour?

In light of your experience would you check in on lost12 there appears to be an arrest set up.

Thanks

V

Absolutely.
I will read Her Sitch front to back and toss my $.02 in the wishing well ASAP.

Thank you

V

[OrangeK]

Orange can I ask a favour?

In light of your experience would you check in on lost12 there appears to be an arrest set up.

Thanks

V

Absolutely.
I will read Her Sitch front to back and toss my $.02 in the wishing well ASAP.

Thank you

V

Uhg., V. my heart bleeds for Lost12. What a mess.

Lost12. I feel for you, i really do. Im here if you need anything.

To see someone have their family torn apart is one awful thing.
To be arrested and have your whole character brought into question and destroyed by someone who once claimed to love you is deplorable. Its betrayal at the deepest.
Honestly, its truly a F**king cowards move.
"Oh, im such a lying cheating home-wrecking waste of air, i cannot even begin to digest the crap choices ive made, lets deflect the attention away from my horrid choices by fabricating a slandering false narative that will destroy the life of the mother/father of my children"
Judas had more courage than that.
Just my biased opinion.
Man that sh*t makes me mad.

[OrangeK]

Updates / Journal

Spent Thursday-Sunday with S3.
His behavior was a bit off all weekend, somewhat withdrawn and sometimes angry. I Think as he is devloping, and gaining more understanding and cognitive ability he is getting more frustrated with the situation. He voices his opinion a lot more freely now about being upset or made "because RedHome".
I am just trying to be patient and open with him.

I got him a new Bike over the weekend as he had outgrown his trike.
He loved it and did a great job on it.
Potty training clicked like a lightswitch 2 weeks ago and is going STRONG.
He is a smart, independent little guy. He will be OK, with some help from DaDa.
Just breaks my heart to see him go from happy to hurting just from seeing a certain toy or memory from RedHome.
How EXW doesnt see this and be heartbroken by it boggles my mind.

She continued with her "Super Bubbly" communication all weekend, even sending smiley emojis and other such pleasantries. Until she picked up S3.
As soon as she did, she sent one quick happy message about how S3 was excited and talkative about his new bike.
After that she reverted to short, 3 word questions/answers. Was probably just busy with S3, he might have been giving her a hard time, as his behavior was declining throughout the day Sunday.
I kept my communication to answers only, short but polite.
She asked how i had been doing bedtime in regards to underwear only vs. Diaper. I told her Undies Only.

I have begun to look at the layout of my daily time as Makia suggested. Meditating 3x Daily, gonna get back on a cleaner diet, that ive slacked on since moving in July. Same with Workouts.
Im wasting a lot of time on the couch. Putting the kybash on that.

[OrangeK]

Some minor drama about scheduling today. Went thru M.I.L. havent talked to STBXW since Sunday.

Game night tonight.

2 weeks to the day till D Day. 20 days from what would be 2nd anniversary.
Boy, a lot can change in 365 days.
D day will be 1 year to the day from the weekend she didnt come home to be with OM.

[JRuss]

It doesn't seem like it, but one day, these dates on the calendar will revert to being no more significant than any other. I had a wave of sadness the other day not because I missed my ex, but because it took me a full minute of thought even to recall what day our anniversary was (it's next month). And I never would have remembered what BD was if I didn't have it in my signature for this site. Now that I think of it, I think there's a typo -- it was actually the day before what I have there.

Stay in the now.

[OrangeK]

Jruss. How long since your D was final?