I dont know. I felt content with it while I started doing Sandi's rules, I was feeling better, and I felt like he would probably eventually come around.
But ever since writing on here I feel like a mess, like I need to kick him out in effort to try to get him back and its driving me crazy
This is so hard. I dont know what the right move to make is
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I have to remember this is not a sprint it's a marathon and most choice I think are the right ones aren't. When I am not sure what to do....do nothing. This process will make me do things that will seem completely opposite to what I instinctively want to do but if I slow down, the process will work and I will be such a better person for it.
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There are many methods to possibly accomplish the Herculean task of repairing my marriage. Many will have ideas on what I can do to accomplish this task. None are guaranteed to work, remember there are no guarantees. But if I fail to act, I am acting to fail and will achieve those results. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. So one piece of advice that will be common, do things differently from what I have done in the past.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I just had a talk with him. I told him that I feel like I am in this alone and I am sick of it. I said that I know he is in the bar 7 days a week and if thats how he wants to live his life then he should, and i'm not stopping him, but that Its not what I want. I said I want someone who wants to spend time with their family and someone I can talk to and rely on.
I said I know he doesnt want to work on our marriage right now and thats okay, but that if he is seeing someone else then he needs to leave. He said he isnt.
He promised to communicate with me better and said he will start to schedule times with me and tell me when he will be out and he will limit it to 1 night a week. He said he wants to do things with me and the baby but that he doesnt want me to take it like its romantic between him and I bc thats not where we are right now, and I said I understood that and I told him Im not even sure what I really want anymore as far as him and i go, but that I want to be respected and I would respect him in return.
I told him I am not trying to tell him what to do, that if he wants to be in the bar 7 days a week then thats fine and he can do that, but its just not the kind of partner I want. He said he knows he needs to make more of an effort and he will schedule things to do with us, etc. He made it like he works all the time so he cant ever do anything, and I said "You are in the bar every single night. Theres 7 days out of the week, you could easily say to me, hey lets go do something with the baby tonight,' but you never do."
He brought up how ill have plans and not tell him where im going and he doesnt pry so thats why he doesnt ever ask us to do anything. I told him 1 thing has nothing to do with the other.
He started to cry and said he was sorry and he will do better and make an effort. Then he texted me once he left saying he had to drop off some guys from work and then he was picking up money for me. I told him to do what he needed to do and take his time and he wrote back "sure". So clearly he is all of a sudden mad or something, when we just left fine I thought. But I guess im wrong.
I can ALREADY see how this will be turned on me. ALREADY. He will say im trying to control him and he needs to move out. I can see it coming from a mile away. And at that point I will just say do what you gotta do.
My current goal is to reconcile my marriage....Other goals are obviously to GAL and DETACH and do these things in an effort to bring him back, which I know doesnt work. They have to be for ME.
So those are good long term and general goals.
How about specific short term goals? What GAL would you like to do? When?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I can ALREADY see how this will be turned on me. ALREADY. He will say im trying to control him and he needs to move out. I can see it coming from a mile away. And at that point I will just say do what you gotta do.
No more mind reading. It does not help the sitch.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
