Oh boy, W and God is testing me! W hasn't changed or undressed in front of me for sometime now. All of a sudden today she acts as if it's normal for her again. Then asked me a question before jumping in shower. Lord help me!
Wow, this reminds me of my sitch so much. I hadn't noticed that W hadn't changed in front of me in months. Once she started again, yes she seemed to be flaunting it. Maybe she was or wasn't, but just keep DBing. Likely she is feeling the lack of pressure and pursuit and is trying to entice you back into being in control.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Wow, this reminds me of my sitch so much. I hadn't noticed that W hadn't changed in front of me in months. Once she started again, yes she seemed to be flaunting it. Maybe she was or wasn't, but just keep DBing. Likely she is feeling the lack of pressure and pursuit and is trying to entice you back into being in control.[/quote]
I think it's the pursuit or lack of. In the beginning I would always be around when she got dressed, or was about to shower. You all know the puppy that follows everywhere. Now I do my own thing and am not normally around during those times.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
I don't know if she is trying to pull me back in. I don't think we are there. I know I need to detach more. Been going to sleep earlier. She doesn't like the routine being changed at all. I used to snore a lot but after losing 15 pounds it has stopped. I have an APP that records my snoring and I no longer snore nearly as much.
There aren't any local sporting events around here. I think I might try a store or something that is open later and just walk around.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
So I just bought the most vanilla Anniversary card I could find. It didn't say anything about the future, or continued love or anything. She will probably get me a gift card because she is more about the material stuff. I'm still debating whether to get a $20 gift card for something and holding it if she gets me one. I'll hold the card and gift card until she gives me something or I won't give them to her.
Tomorrow is football and another after party. Everyone there is my age and people I went to school with.
I plan on leaving the house tonight and going to walmart, lowes or home depot. Maybe Starbucks. Only things open after 9.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
I just read Ballast thread and I feel discouraged. So simular to my sitch.
Tonight D's friend is in hospital so I had to cook dinner early so he could eat and go see him. W & I set up a talk with another parent regarding S's college recruitment. We talked about visits to colleges. We know 1 of those visits it will be just her and S since there is a flight and taking D would be difficult. W wanted to get all the info from S regarding everything he has heard about certain colleges and wanted him to tell us both together. We discussed the different schools and where he might go. E talk so well about our S's future and his upcoming decision. We have planned on me going to some of the visits within driving distance. Deep down I know once he commits, she will put her plan for leaving into action. Just a gut feeling. We haven't talked about R, D or anything about us.
I found out she took tomorrow off and she didn't mention it. More secrecy on her part. Weird because she has been saving her days off for her trip and travelling for S's recruitment trips. Seems like a wasted day off and looks fishy. Trying to not let my mind wonder.
Tomorrow is football game and after party. It's going to be a long day.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Forehead palm slap moment. W did not take day off and only leaving work early to prepare for tonight's game. Still no contact or conversion other than S sitch. D and I are having a great time before bed and in the morning. I went to bed early and im enjoying the extra sleep and rest. W doesn't like my new schedule. I don't know if this even matters but she is no longer sleeping with her back to me all night. This is a totally new sleeping position for her.
Still haven't opened the book in several days. Can't find time alone. I know I'm still paying too much attention to W's behavior. Trying to stop.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Well if you are 100 pages in, then should have a good set of goals prepared that you are working on. How is that coming?
To me, saying something like "trying to stop....." is a cop-out. What does that mean? How are you holding yourself accountable to doing it? I see a lot of people saying that they "want to do" something but "it's hard" so they should get a break for slipping. That accountability should be on you to meet your own goals.
Setting your own long term direction and figuring out how to meet that is an essential challenge.
Stryk2, settle down and take a deep breath. None of these little clues from W mean anything right now, it's far too soon for her to be changing her mind. The change in sleep position and the undressing in front of you could be because you've been pulling back and relieving the pressure on her so she's starting to feel more relaxed. DO NOT misinterpret this as meaning anything has changed! I can't tell you how many times I've seen this play out-
LBS reads DR book, comes here, learns about pulling back and giving time and space. WAS starts to feel the pressure lift and gets more relaxed around LBS, shows minor affection and such. LBS breaks into pursuit mode, temperature checks WAS only to get BD'd all over again.
Don't be that guy! These are positive signs but she has a loooooong way to go before recon is on her radar.
Amo, thanks for the reminder. I'm going to go back to the goals and re-avaluate. Set goals again. You are absolutely correct.
AnotherStander,
I agree with your assessment. I'm OK with not pursuing at the moment. Of course I have moments. I appreciate the experience of everyone. I keep posting my thoughts good or bad for feedback like all of yours to keep me on track. Im am proud that i haven't temp checked or pursued recently. I am not sure of myself as far as what to do and not what to do as for taking care of my family and property. Seems like everything I do, I'm asking myself is this pursuit, am I doing this for her, for myself or family in general. I mean, I have to keep the house up, the kids fed and spend time with D.
Thanks again everyone.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
I just realized wife isn't putting her as much of her check into the joint account. How do I approach this? By not putting as much myself or asking her why? I'm guessing she is saving money but she could be paying hidden debt with her account.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
