WW- Equalzr's saga pt 2. WW's & MLC'er advice plz

[SteveLW]

Please do not respond to it. Again, no question, no need to answer.

Also, you are right on the money. This is about her appeasing her own guilt. Just blow it off and move forward.

180 here. She is expecting a response. Blow her mind by ignoring it.

[equalzr]

Thanks Steve. I think i blew it by replying thanks for the apology. That clearly wasnt meant for me, butshe was trying to make herself feel better. I dropped the ball and asked her something later thay day about her saying she "never meant for this to happen", which i disagreed with because she chose to have an A, she chose to keep it going, and has chosen the path we are on now. She told me if she could do it all over again she would change it, and i called b.s. (not in those words) even though i should have kept my mouth closed and avoided the convo. The text just really ended up frustrating me, because i realized it wasnt about me. I told her that she had numerous opportunities to do thimgs differently but still kept down the same path.

Today we had an argument that was about finances. We honestly dont argue much, and never did argue at all throughout the R. W wants to find ways to make me look bad in front of S, and this is the 2nd time she has intentionally done it. Luckily my S is able to see through her intentions for the most part. He has called her out on making me seem like i havent done things for my family, and she just gets defensive and yells at him and eventually blames me for something.

During the financial argument on the phone, she tells me she was just telling our S the truth/facts. I reacted poorly and respomded that i will begin telling truths/facts about what shes been doing and hung up the phone on her. She called back multiple times and i didnt answer. Obviously she is worried im going to spill her beans, but i truly have no intention of doing that. She has no clue how nice ive been throught this whole thing. I could have handled this much differently, and feel that i had the right to if i did.

WW/MLC'ers are truly a handful to deal with. I will do better this week.... GAL, no arguing, be happy!

[LANE777]

hey Equal..its good to vent on here. Its hard not to do or say things in the heat of the moment. Its good you can read between the lines and know what is BS. But you're right, should have avoided the convo. The text is frustrating, but it looks like she is thinking about it to text you something like that. Ive noticed silence is better than saying something to rile up the storm. My WW lives her life one day at a time with nothing in the far future. She plans about 2 to 3 week a head of time is all. She claims there is no OM now and hasn't had anything with anyone for a while. Of course I call BS.
But deep down we want to believe it for some odd reason. It must make us feel better or something.
You have a whole week a head of you. I also can see changes in you. Try not to let it get you too angry. I really still think you're in a better spot than you were 3 weeks ago. I like that you have activities planed for you and S.
Keep it up buddy.

[equalzr]

Thanks L!

I'm trying, Lord knows I am. Honestly i really don't get upset too often... or should i say i don't let it show often. This week ill move even further into doing more so than trying if you know what i mean.

[equalzr]

This week is our anniversary. Its a tough pill to swallow. I still cant understand how someone can have an A so easily, almost like heading to the store to get groceries. Ive done enough research that i know its par for the course, but to be void of remorse and for your conscience not to make you think twice will always baffle me. I couldnt handle the thought of being the one who ripped my famiy apart, and stabbed my spouse in the back repeatedly so i cant relate. Nothing from W other than just now realizing how much she has hurt me which is b.s. She didnt realize it during my many sleepless nights over the last 1.5 years? Or during any of the 20+ lbs i lost? Sad when an apology is really only to make you feel better and not the spouse your cheating on.

Ive read a couple of threads here today about self pity/being a victim and realize i have to get over being a victim. It took over a year to find out that wife put me down and scrutanized me so much because she was making herself feel better. Needless to say my confidence took a beating. I too got caught up in apologizing multiple times when the W would go to her reliable compaints about the past when she was really making herself feel better for having an A. I cant let this define the rest of my life no matter what happens. Its crazy how different emotions come in waves over me.

Im going to ramp up my GAL activities this week. Time to find financial aid for graduate degree, get in the gym every day time permitting, dive deeper into some reading im doing (motivational etc), and increase activities w/ S.

The bible verse someone else posted really hit home with me: "A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown,
    but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones."

Aint that the truth.

[equalzr]

Journaling...

Why does my W want to talk with me like things are normal when we are home together? Im ome wording every answer from now on. Our anniversary week is here and she's spending it with OM. She wants a D, so couldn't she leave me alone? I feel like she's trying to turn me into a friend. Ill pass. Im tired, worn down, and burying our R.

WW has some balls on her. Unfortunately im going to have to step up detatching efforts or going dark under same roof.

[equalzr]

Journaling...

In a conversation with my W the other day after she apologized by text for hurting "me", we talked about her apology for just a brief few minutes. She told me that she had prayed to God about what was hapening and thats where she was looking for answers. I asked her if she had received any word or signs from God about what she should be doing, to which she replied "not yet". I told her that i think she has received plenty...but maybe she just didnt receive the answer from God that she wants. Suprisingly, she answered "maybe so". Obviously WW doesnt care about anything other than herself, she wants what she wants and she wants it now.

Im watching her tear down what weve built over the years, brick by brick. The way weve raised our son with so much sacrifice by us both is out the window, our M being destroyed, the way my son respected his mother is gone, our S's educational foundation is now taking a backseat to WW's "me time".

I believe W is now using money we coud have used for important family expenses on a future trip with OM. It wouldnt surprise me because she had me take time off work so she could go on a family vacation which turned out to be a trip with OM while i was at home w/ S. Im so tired of hiding her secrets for her, and taking the high road is getting harfer and harder.

Im cutting communication down this week, and going darker. Im also going to stop doing all the housework, since W seems to be getting out of it in one way or another. My S told me she just lays on bed all day even when im gone. She basically spends her time at home textimg OM.

Any tips and/or advice is welcome. Nothing left to lose now, W has filed and is in full R with OM, so im all about me and my S. Improving our mental health and my physical as well is paramount.

[equalzr]

Well yesterday didnt go as well as i would have hoped. We had a smaller debate about finances and wife is being pretty stubborn about everything. She has made it a point to make things as difficult for me as possible. Shes definitely only concerned about herself at this point...of course right?

We still have a schedule for cooking for the fsmily which we split up duties on, or should i say that was the goal. I cook 3 nights and buy food another night or two out of the week. She is supposed to cook about 3 nights a week, which has become about once a week she actually cooks. The other nights have been reduced to frozen pizza night and figure it out on the fly night. W leaves almost every night to see OM, and must eat dinner with him on the nights she doesnt cook when she is supposed to be. I comfronted her about it after she left since S is at home. I told her it is pretty messed up to ditch cooking for your own S and family and then go eat with someone else. She replied that she was leaving more food for us. Yeah ok. S still asks do i know where mom went or when she will be home, and i can only tell him i have no clue. How a W and mother abandons her family is beyond me.

I hate that i said something to her about the whoe thing because im tryong to go darker, but ive been being used as far as housework goes. Shes been taking advantage of me for a while now on that front. Maybe she feels justified because she was the breadwinner for quite some time. I guess i should be her doormat on her way out the door in her mind.

On a side note, i went to the gym last night and got in a good workout. It felt great! Spent a little time with my S, read for a bit, and worked on business material for a while. W was gone into the nightime as usual. Im finally starting to truly change my feelings about her. I still love her deep down, but i despise who she has become, have lost all respect for her, and generally am repulsed by what shes doing.

[Ginger1]

I apologize, I did not read your whole sitch.

But my questions are:

1) why is she still in the house

2) why haven't you kicked her arse out?

[equalzr]

Seems she will be legally entitled to house because she bought it in her name years ago while we were still engaged. I was initially the breadwinner and she finished grad schooln got a great job and we switched roles. I became stay at home dad and worked part time, and she was the breadwinner.

If i had my way with that, she would have been out as soon as she started staying out all night and not telling anyone where she would be.