Have you read my threads? I go into the some of the MC sessions, especially the early ones.
But I can comment on all of this. One of the things I did was in my DBing I also incorporated some techniques from another anti-divorce expert that specializes in "reconnecting" and refocusing on love. His system is a lot different than DBing, but one of the things he advocates that I incorporated early on was talk charges and touch charges. While these can be viewed as a bit of pursuit, the fact is they are very subtle, and can slowly restart the reconnection process.
Google talk and touch charges. And at first this will all seem very forced. However, at this point that is just the nature of the beast.
As far as MC goes, I think I probably broke another DB rule in that I believe my W agreed to go at first to later be able to look back and say "see we tried MC". And this is where getting the right MC is so imperative. A good MC will be able to break through that barrier with the right homework assignments. And yes there will be some delving into your childhood especially in early sessions, but that is more to get context for the way that we are today. A lot of that had roots in childhood. So don't be put off by that, please embrace it. If you have the right MC then it will all make sense as you go to more sessions.
As far as how it went, the MC gave us reading to do. And she was very supportive of what we felt comfortable with and what we didn't. You mention date night, 2 months in my W wasn't at a date night place. I work from home of Fridays though so we started a weekly Friday lunch "date". (This has been on hold for the summer with our D out of school but we will start again next week.) I didn't even ask her as a date, I just simply started asking her if she would go to lunch with me each Friday and it developed into a ritual, and she came to look forward to it and enjoy it. Pursuit? Maybe, but look DBing is also about doing what works. And stopping whatever doesn't. In my sitch the talk and touch charges and the weekly lunch "date", as well as MC, worked. So maybe try some of that and see what works for you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
yeah i read your threads, but I've read about 100 others too, so I get them confused! lol.
I hate the idea of 'forcing' things, doing 'homework', etc. I always felt that it should come natural. But obviously what came natural wasn't working for us.
It would just be nice if she'd give at least some sign of affection or interest. I said I haven't touched her in 6 weeks, but she hasn't touched me in even longer than that. I guess it'll take a while for her 'walls' to come down, if they ever do at all
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Something else I thought of from our lunch yesterday. I'm not sure how or if to bring this up again. I should have nipped it right in the bud at the time.
So our really good friend is a mechanic and owns a garage. W's EA OM is his employee. We get all of our car repairs and service there.
W says yesterday that she's so afraid of everyone thinking she's a lying cheating whore, that she's been putting off getting her oil changed, cause people (and me) will think she's going there to see OM.
Now, there's at least 5 quickie-lube places within a 10 mile radius of us, and also at least 50 other mechanics. I should have said right away, 'i don't think it's appropriate at this time to go anywhere near that garage. There's tons of places to get your oil changed.' But I froze and didn't say anything.
Is this something I should address with her? She has to know it's not a good idea to go there, even if she has no feelings for this dweeb. But I also don't want to come across as 'controlling'.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Not really I guess. But if she would consider going there, shed either really be trusting herself, or its an excuse to see him. Thats what I dont know.
Im gonna tell her later ill take it somewhere saturday morning
Last edited by Terapin; 08/30/1804:24 PM.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I hope im not. Im down in the ciry, and people want us to play hete acoustic tomorrow. W says shed love to come, then went silent while i made babysitting plans
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
