Yes absolutely. I did read about boundaries. I struggle even know with saying things so sternly to him.
He is very good at doing that with me, yet I waffle. I will say things but not sternly, even though I mean them to be stern, so I dont think I always get my point across that well.
I will see him this evening after work. And we usually have pretty pleasant talks about our day, etc. He came home last night and ended up telling me all about something that had happened to him that day and I validated him. Although it wasnt about US, I said to him things like "That must be really frustrating that you have to keep dealing with that."
It is very hard to be distant when we are both home together with the baby. Our house is super small and im usually cooking dinner or doing something with the baby. This was my issue when we first separated. He would come over to see the baby every night and I would try to go out for a run or something but we would usually end up hanging out a little. But then he would pull away and say he wants to just spend time with her and that I would always try to talk about R.
So then I stopped doing that and things became more pleasant with us. It was really hard for me though. He would leave every night and I wouldnt hear from him and it was so depressing.
Then he started to order dinner for us when he would be over and then he said he wanted to stay the night a few nights a week to help with the baby more and then he stayed all the time. Then I kicked him out, he came back, I kicked him out. And now hes been back about a month and im here talking to you guys, hoping to finally do this right.
Why is everything so hard? It's not. I need to learn to grow, adapt and handle things the way they are. Things will be easy when I make them easy by learning and trying new skills. It takes effort to know myself, change for the better and working to become my best. The journey is what it is all about. Do the work, put in the time and handle it.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Well, thats a good question. I feel like I should be pulling away from him. But not in a cold way, just in a way where im not so in his face and right there.
Tomorrow evening I will be out for an appointment and the next I will be out with friends, so he will be home alone with the baby for the first time in a while. So maybe tonight I can just try to stay busy doing other things and just have pleasant small talk with him if he initiates it.
Its hard because we get into conversations and just like us just normal hanging out talking about random things. I dont know that he even knows what it is like to not have that, like I think that hit him a bit when I woudnt let him come to the huose for a few days 2 months ago. He was falling apart, and I dont know if that was because he didnt have me, or the combo of it all.
I guess I should just try to stay busy and talk if its initiated by him, right? I just do not want to come off angry or cold. That will do me NO good whatsoever, no one wants to be around someone who is angry and cold.
Praying someone is on here. We are home together now and he keeps getting on his phone, secretively as always. I am tempted to say to him again "If you are speaking with another woman, you can not live in this house."
But it is something I said to him yesterday, and i know it will cause a massive blow up. Please someone respond
stay busy and talk if its initiated by him, right? I just do not want to come off angry or cold. That will do me NO good whatsoever, no one wants to be around someone who is angry and cold.
Correct, Reward the good behavior. Hold your boundaries for the unacceptable. Boundaries have consequences if they are crossed.
Always think, How will this "NewKech" be more attractive than "OldKech".
As a woman, I am sure you want H to pursue you. He thinks he knows you. How will you surprise him?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Praying someone is on here. We are home together now and he keeps getting on his phone, secretively as always. I am tempted to say to him again "If you are speaking with another woman, you can not live in this house."
But it is something I said to him yesterday, and i know it will cause a massive blow up. Please someone respond
I am
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
My paranoia is at an all time high, but I also know him and I do think he is still speaking with someone. I just will never be able to prove it and if i repeat what I said to him just yesterday he is going to say again I will never get past it, etc. Do I give him time to prove himself from what he said yesterday about making more of an effort or do I just say something and let an argument happen.
