I think W and I went full two weeks with almost no contact and maybe 5 minutes total of seeing her. Full detachment to another room and stopped doing anything for her, food shopping, laundry, etc. Only contact was texts regarding son. Then yesterday in the middle of the night she lost her mind, by the morning she said she hated me then loved me, then by the afternoon wanted to talk and get into therapy for herself. You will never truly know what they want until you give them space and let them live like they are on their own.. but you must take care of yourself, for your self confidence but also to show her that you will be ok moving on.
I'm nowhere near out of the woods because mine is a real nutjob but I have seen the techniques if used correctly are effective.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
I'm going to see what I can do tonight after D goes to sleep around 9. I have no idea what. Nothing open other than bars. I don't go to bars because of what I do. I see my customers in bars. Lol
I don't want to just drive around. I'll have to think of something. I like my man cave! Lol
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
You know I'm having trouble being up beat around W. I've just been keeping busy. Today W and D came home and of course that's the best part of my day. D always runs to give me a big hug and kiss then tells me about her day. She snitches on all her friends at daycare. Easy to be upbeat and happy.
W and I normally trade either a hello or comment on D's stories. I continue to work in garage. W comes out to ask if I want her to get oven ready for frozen pizzas since I didn't start dinner tonight. I just reply "whatever you want". I come in to take care of D and put pizzas in oven. W has to go to sports meeting. She grabs her stuff and announces that she is leaving and waits for me to say goodbye. I reply "ok". She sighs and leaves.
I would hate to look fake by being upbeat when it's out of place. Maybe I should have validated?
W got herself super busy before BD with S's activities and now it's getting hard for her to be a board member of all of them. At least once a week she has meetings or has homework for them.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
What are you referring to when you say "maybe I should have validated"?
It's OK to be upbeat, why don't you think about 5 things in your life that are great (you're still sucking wind, you have a daughter who loves you, your belly is full, you sleep on a bed every night, etc) and be upbeat about the things you do have.
[censored] from W to have all that stuff to do but it's what she asked for.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Well I guess I've learned from work to show no emotion when I'm in a stressful situation, disgusted from what I'm investigating and so on. So at home around W, I go into monotone attitude I guess. I show no emotion in fear of faking upbeat, or showing my underlying concern about R.
I'll try the thinking of the upbeat stuff tonight. I guess I fake it at work right now anyways.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
I’d recommend watching “The Happiness Advantage” TED talk by shawn achor.
Also, I wonder if instead of “whatever you want”, you have a plan of attack ready for dinner and the night for D. You were home first and locked yourself away in the “man cave” without really a plan. How can you be more active/involved?
I will watch it tonight. As far as a plan of attack, I normally cook dinner every night. I forgot about the sports meeting tonight and was going at my own pace to get started with dinner. D and I blew bubbles and played with play dough. It's bath time now then W should be home to put her to bed. I'm trying to figure out what do do for GAL beside man cave.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Oh boy, W and God is testing me! W hasn't changed or undressed in front of me for sometime now. All of a sudden today she acts as if it's normal for her again. Then asked me a question before jumping in shower. Lord help me!
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
Baby steps my brother, and trust me they will test you to pull you back in. Do what you got to do but do not initiate anything. I know it’s hard but believe me they want control. I have slept with my wife in the middle of full detachment. That will tell you something, that they are still hanging on while sorting out what’s in their head. Have to have zero expectations if that happens because they will turn right back to cold as ice.
As far as what to do, yes I have just gotten in the car and driven, doesn’t have to be to a bar. I would look for local sport events, walk through a store, mall or something and window shop. Not all the time just when things were difficult in the beginning. Will help take your mind off things and I looked around at other people and how they were just carrying on with their lives and they might have bigger problems than me.
I also found reading which I despised to be helpful, especially on the topic at hand. These forums and research on these situations have helped me cope and take steps to better my life. You won’t ever be able to tell your W what she should be doing but I know I can change how I live my life. One of my best resources have been friends and family, hopefully you have some people that can help you in your journey.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
