Don't ask a WAS to decide anything, you decide for yourself what is best and take the appropriate action. Goals - Plan- Action. Think don't react (emotion). No matter what happens make your mind up to come out of this a wiser,stronger, healthier and better woman. Thrive don't survive. You can handle it.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Im stuck in the headspace of "I cant believe I have to PROTECT myself from my H in ANYWAY. He has always protected me."....
Dont take that statement as me being weak, I just am still very shocked by all of this happening and I really do not want to jump into lawyers and all of these things that I dont even want. I would like for us to be able to talk, but I understand if he is filing, I have to protect myself. I do know that and I will. This is just all a lot.
I am trying to be very confident and strong because I know I dont deserve what he is doing. I do know that. And I have had my suspicions about him seeing someone from one of the bars, considering the OW he took up with originally was a bartender, it seems like his MO for now.
I do not want to go down a rabbit hole of divorce, lawyers, custody, and him and I not even discuss what we truly want. Bc I know NEITHER of us wants it to go like this. Even if we do get divorced, I dont think he wants it to happen this way.
I havent heard from him at all since his text this morning asking if he was watching the baby and i said yes. The one time I kicked him out that I knew he was a mess, he texted me non stop. Now its like he is just angry and doesnt care. Really is an awful feeling.
Putting aside my fears of divorce and custody and all of that, how long could it take for us to live apart before he starts to really see what it is like to be without me? I am curious how I should move forward, fears aside, in continuing to DB and try to save this marriage somehow. Let him go to get him back as Steve said. I wonder if he will miss having us to come home to.
...how long could it take for us to live apart before he starts to really see what it is like to be without me?
I am hesitant on saying this, but some say 1 month for every year you have been together. That is a GENERAL rule of thumb. Everyone is on there own timeline.
I know you have lots of questions and everything is so new, but you have to trust in the process.
I think it is important for you to have a plan for tonight. That is the most important thing.
I hope you read my recommendation. Do you have any thoughts or questions?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
When I got home from work he was already at our house. He said nothing to me at all and was very cold. I did a few things around the house while he played with the baby and then I had to feed her so I did that and left and said I would be back in a little bit and he said nothing to me.
About 30 mins after I left he sent over a pic of her, which I replied nicely to, bc it was nice of him to do that.
That’s been it so far. I didn’t try to discuss anything with him or vice versa. I did ask him if he is still able to watch her tomorrow night and he nodded his head yes.
I’m sure when I get home tonight he won’t say much to me and will leave once I get there. Have to prepare myself for paperwork that I’m sure is to come in the coming days, but taking it minute by minute.
And if you’re right about the 1 month per year we were together, then I have 9 months until he possibly wakes up and misses me. Depressing but I am willing to fight for us. Do I continue GAL, 180 and sandi’s rules now that he is out of our home? I think those are the most attainable things for me right now.
He left a little while ago and has been texting me ever since, saying how he hates having to leave his daughter. Then saying he needs answers as to when he needs to be here tomorrow. Then asking what time I’ll be home so he can figure out his sleeping arrangements.
Then he said we need to discuss bills and that he will need to get his own place. I agreed and he said okay we will talk soon take it easy.. I said you too and then he dropped the bomb. He said he started applying for a divorce and thought I should know.
He said he appreciates me trying to fix our marriage but that there are too many character barriers. I made the mistake of saying “my heart has never hurt so much”
He responded saying “I’m sorry its already done” “I tried too but there was just too much evidence it wasn’t working” “Home doesn’t feel like home and Love doesn’t feel like being in love” “I’m glad you have her” (meaning our daughter) “Night” “Sorry there was no middle ground between the man you need and the man I wanna live as” “I shouldn't have been submissive during our relationship and maybe there could have been middle ground. For that Im truly sorry”
Those were all his texts, and I did not respond. I am broken completely. I cannot believe he said all of that. I don’t want his pity. I cannot believe he is going to go through with divorce. He has got to have OW.
He gets so worked up and texts me non stop. But he’s saying things that are killing me. This is awful. What are your thoughts
