When we first separated a few months ago he took all of his clothes and other things he would need.. Since he started staying here again Some of his clothes are here in the laundry room and also in the living room in a little plastic drawer he brought over a few weeks ago. Other than that there is quite a bit of his stuff around but nothing that’s ever been urgent for him to have. He didn’t take anything this weekend. He left here a little bit ago, I stayed busy while he was here.
I asked him a question about What I do if I drilled a hole too large in the wall, we both kind of laughed and he explained to me my options and then said he will take care of it for me tomorrow. I told him I was fine doing it but just wasn’t sure the best route. He said againthat he will handle all of it for me tomorrow. I HIGHLY doubt he will but I Just went on with my night.
Again we were pleasant but I stayed away as much as I could. I did laundry and asked if he could come tell me 10 minutes before he left so I could go let my brothers dog out before he left. He said “I was hoping to stay until the baby falls asleep” and I said that’s fine. Just give me a 10 mins heads up so I can go handle that.
I’m getting a little better communicating. Before I would say nothing and never be assertive, and I feel like I’m becoming stronger in a way. I hope at least
Almost. By the time I get the baby in bed and go to sleep myself I only get through a few pages before falling asleep. He just texted me asking my plans with the baby today. I informed him we don’t have any plans yet and he responded saying he’s working and was just curious.
Do I respond or no? I don’t want to be cold or mean. But I know sometimes I’m too nice also. I feel dumb, I should have said we were doing something but I was just being honest. Stupid me thought maybe he would want to do something with us.
Why would you respond? He didn't ask a question, there is no need to respond.
Can you get out of the house and do something with the baby? Go to a park, or visit a friend? Don't just sit around and wait for him, make your own plans, get your own life.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Kech, you need space from him for your own sanity. All your actions are still about him. You have to stay out of your house when he is around for the baby, this will help you keep interactions minimal and send a message through your actions. Until he cleans up his act he cannot just drop in to play dad as and when he pleases. Set up a clear schedule and stick to it. Get out while he is around if he lingers , go watch a movie or go to the gym or may be even finish up all your errands and grocery shopping. Just stay out of his way for now, the lesser the interactions fewer the mistakes. A year down the lane both of you are going to have severe regrets, you talk about it and R or you divorce. Keep your list short, automatically it makes his longer.
Thank you! When you say a year down the lane we will have severe regrets, what do you mean by that? Also, what do you mean by keep your list short?
We do need to set up a clear schedule, and I do need to leave when he is here. As soon as I try to set up a schedule he’s going to be really annoyed. I know that doesn’t matter, but he wants to be able to see her as much as possible and as soon as I take any nights away he’s going to get really angry. I’m trying to avoid custody talks right now bc that on top of all of this will really put me in a bad place emotionally.
Trying to stay assertive and give him times to be here by, etc, so he isn’t just showing up whenever he wants like he used to. Last night I went grocery shopping while he was at the house with her
