well had a great time tonight with W, son, and two of our best friends. Played guitars at an event in the city.
All was well, until at the end of the night, W asked if I'd have a problem with her, my best friends W, and best friends W's sister going to the city tomorrow night for a bachelorette party, and spending the night. lol. Obviously I said that I find it pretty inappropriate. She got mad about not 'trusting' her (lol), and said this is a big reason why she's hesitant on working on our MR.
I mean, are you f'n kidding me? The balls on some people. Unreal
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
This was likely why she's been being nice. She knew this request was coming.
No, that's not possible. I mean, I don't doubt her setting me up for something, but this just came about last night. She hasn't talked to these people, and didn't even know the bachelorette till last night.
We talked on the way home. She made a point to repeat that she never definitively said she wants to work on the M yet. Also that me getting mad about this shows her that my recent changes may not be real, how not trusting her (on top of everything else) could be too much to overcome, etc.
I really don't think she's going to be flirting around with guys down there. Unlike my SIL and W's BFF, the girl she's going with tonight is entirely pro marriage and won't tolerate a second of inappropriate behavior from her.
But I do think what's going on is this: - she still isn't sure what she ultimately wants - when she leans towards working on the M, she says and does all the right things - when she wants to act like a single party girl, she uses the 'limbo' to do what she wants
What I find funny is last thursday I went for dinner for 2 hours, and she flipped out. Yet she sees no problem with overnight drinking binges in the heart of a big city. lol. Why even try to figure it out. Back to hardcore GALing and DBing
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
WWs want their cake and eat it too. Also don't fall for the "it just came up that night" thing. That's a common tactic. Of course you know more than I do but I don't put it past WWs to connive to that level.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
WWs want their cake and eat it too. Also don't fall for the "it just came up that night" thing. That's a common tactic. Of course you know more than I do but I don't put it past WWs to connive to that level.
I guarantee this did just come up last night. But I also guarantee that the cake eating is true.
This morning she said that she doesn't even want to go, and now my best friend is actually going to be the girls designated driver, so they won't be staying overnight. So while I don't think it's completely appropriate for her to be going due to our circumstance, the chances of anything 'bad' happening are low.
She just kept saying last night that working on us will be 'so much work', and she just doesn't know if it's worth it yet. I mean, isn't that a pretty good indication that it's time for me to move forward with divorce? She said her IC told her that she needs to be completely committed to reconciling, or at least 'fake it' in hopes that it'll work and she will commit eventually. lol, literally the same thing i told her last week. It's been 6 weeks. If she still doesn't even know if the M is worth saving, then what's the point?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
W asked if I'd have a problem with her, my best friends W, and best friends W's sister going to the city tomorrow night for a bachelorette party, and spending the night. lol. Obviously I said that I find it pretty inappropriate. She got mad about not 'trusting' her (lol), and said this is a big reason why she's hesitant on working on our MR.
This might be controversial but I think you should have said you hope she has a good time. It would have been a 180 for you to show you have changed. She is going with people you know who are married so just go along with it.
Many years ago my W (then GF) used a physiological trick on me. I'd occasionally go out for a night without her and she would give me some money to buy a drink (even-though I know she was secretly very jealous and worried). This made me think of her being nice when going out without her.
She just kept saying last night that working on us will be 'so much work', and she just doesn't know if it's worth it yet. I mean, isn't that a pretty good indication that it's time for me to move forward with divorce?
Hey T, remember to have the “believe nothing that they say and half...” button on the “on” position always.
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
So W down at a concert w my best friend and wife. I still dont think its appropriate, but my only reply to all her texts is 'have fun'. Damn i miss her tonite for some reason.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
W must have texted me 20 times last night from her concert/bachelorette 'party'. the only thing I kept replying was 'that's great, have fun!' The more I did that, the more she texted. I swear you guys, and George Costanza, are right on the money with doing the 'opposite'. lol
Last edited by Terapin; 09/02/1811:19 AM.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
