Since BD, she has really amped up the spending and it hasn't been ok with me. It has been a trigger point with her trying to say I'm too controlling of her. It's been her reason to start arguments with me. As far as spending for our S, I have become enemy #1 for trying to keep her son from opportunities. (He is my step son) this is not the case. I just worried about all the spending. .
This is not a black and white issue. You not being "ok" with the spending is not an objective standard. "She is spending more than we are bringing in", now that is an objective standard.
What are your financial expectations? Are you a tightwad? Do you expect that your savings will grow by $1000+ each month? Are you a person that isn't secure unless you have a large amount of money in a bank account for a rainy day?
In other words, are you expectations unrealistic?
Most people these days live paycheck to paycheck. I do not advocate that, and if that is your situation then maybe you need to have a financial sit down with her. But please do your homework. Sitting her down and saying "I am not ok with the spending because it makes me nervous and anxious" isn't going to cut it. A spreadsheet with "here is our income, here is our bills, here is our spending. The latter two add up to more than the first, and that is unsustainable" gets much more traction.
stryk, take it from me, I was a tightwad pre-BD. And it came across as controlling. It was a 180 I had to make or, quite frankly, I was going to end up divorced. So take an honest assessment of your financial situation and react to that. Reacting based on your emotions will almost always result in negative results. Use data. Use facts. Take your feelings, your nervousness, and your anxiety out of it.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/05/1804:13 PM. Reason: Start a new thread message
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well as I have read in several sites like this, WW start to think about their needs and focuses on herself specifically. That's were the self care and ego products of her spending sky rocketed.
I was never a tight wad. I like nice things as much as her but I'm a little more conscientious of the over all spending.
My thing is, she doesnt want to talk about R, divorce, separation, finances or anything.
We are going to a college this weekend for a visit. No talking about anything this weekend. Oh well this process has been going on for months.
I'll post again tonight when I get a chance.
Me 45 W 40 Step Son16 D 3 1/2 M 7 yrs Sept 1st yrs together 10 Living together 06/18/18 ILYBNILWY 8/21/18 W looking for housing.
What does everyone thing of Daughters duties. Bath time, getting ready in morning and stuff like that. I've been sharing these duties but have slowly let W do more of them. I feel like a dunce for not doing at least half the duties.
