Suddenly, I feel exhausted. Steve, I'm still trying to do this the best I can. I hope it's still going as well as it seems to be, although I really don't know. Just trying to be as consistent as I can, and definitely standing my ground in words and actions, validating what she says, and trying to make good efforts.
He messaged her and told her that I was following him. She called me. I told her that no, I wasn't, and I explained what I was doing. Of course, I saw him again the next town over, and he was driving away from her place. I was going towards mine (we don't really live all that far away from each other).
But yeah. The urge to say something to him at the gas station was strong. I just walked past him and said nothing. But he did notice that I was looking at him hard. I went into the store, bought what I was there to buy, and then drove into another parking lot and sat there until he stopped watching me.
I definitely don't want to start more trouble. But I can honestly say that I wanted to. Badly. But I'm not going to go that route. I'm just going to leave it alone.
As tough as it is to fight off the urge its not worth the trouble. Believe me, i know its tough. I love freedom and being woth my S too much. Good job on you for fighting that urge off.
Together:20 years M:3 years Me:40 WW:40 S15 A suspected:5/17 AC:5/18 BD:8/18 WW in full blown R w/ OM Still under same roof
This isn't getting any easier. In fact, it's getting worse. I thought it was getting better.
She finally told me why she was crying when she called to ask me to move in. Because she had just told OM she couldn't see him anymore because she was going to move back in.
But I stuck to DB. And it had the opposite effect. And now she wants to be with him without any care to fix anything.
It always gets worse before it gets better. DBing isn't about "having an effect" on your WAS. It is about having an effect on you.
When she calls and wants to move back in....and you tell her to kick rocks....THAT is DBing working. You know what, you telling her that and REALLY MEANING IT will make her want you more. Counter-intuitive.
But when she wants to move back in, and you are open to it.....then suddenly she realizes that she can come back to you ANYTIME SHE WANTS. Guess what that does, that makes her run to OM.
I say this at least once a week if not more. If you are DBing to get her to change you will fail every time. If you are DBing to be able to move on with or without her, then you will always succeed. Note success here isn't that she comes back, but that you move on with or without her!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
She says "I miss what we had. But that's gone, and we can't go back, and there's no future with us."
I remember that the book said this was part of it. I just can't remember what to do now. I'm lost, and I need guidance.
What to do now is what you have been doing. Detach. GAL, 180. Be the best bm you can be. In other words, don't change anything.
You are in a very important spot bm. The WAW/WW has shown signs of wanting to R. Likely you got to eager to let her. Being eager to let her come back is the same a pursuit....and will usually send the WAW/WW running the other direction. Being unattainable has a better impact...but you have to mean it. Kind of like when you said "I am going forward either way." However, you have to SHOW that too. Seeing OM at the gas station and not even looking at him......that makes a bigger statement than staring him down. What was the purpose of going to the other parking lot?! It seems like you WERE following him. Even if you weren't, I would have got that impression if I were him.
Note even acknowledging if he was there was the way to DB....not staring him down.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
