Just journaling here. Forum's had a lot of activity yesterday and today, so I feel guilty about posting stupid thoughts and feelings at all.
W just got back from being at/with SIL for the last day and a half. She called and texted sporadically to keep me updated. SIL had to be committed, so I can only imagine the emotions going on w/ W now. W and BIL spent 13 hours yesterday talking with doctors, psychs, social workers, etc. I just tried to be supportive as possible. I mean, it wasn't 'trying' for me, as I do seriously worry about SIL. We haven't talked since she's been home (I worked and she's napping now), but I do think we've bonded a bit over the sitch. Then again, it was also a distraction from our issues for a few days. Now that it's a least a little under control, our reality is going to be front and center again, and for some reason it's been scaring the hell out of me today.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Don't ever feel bad about posting even if it is "just" journaling. It can be quite helpful to get those things out and share them, even if just to vent.
Sorry to hear about the SIL. I hope she comes out okay. Remember, it's okay to validate, and I think your support in this situation is appropriate, but don't have any expectations that this changes anything. You're not doing it win your W back, you're doing it because it is the right thing to do.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Don't ever feel bad about posting even if it is "just" journaling. It can be quite helpful to get those things out and share them, even if just to vent.
Sorry to hear about the SIL. I hope she comes out okay. Remember, it's okay to validate, and I think your support in this situation is appropriate, but don't have any expectations that this changes anything. You're not doing it win your W back, you're doing it because it is the right thing to do.
Thanks. Yeah, just reading some of SILs text to W the other night gave me the creeps.
I really don't have any expectations. 4 or 5 weeks ago I doubt W would have even shared much of this with me, let alone come to me for support. I'm certainly not being supportive to win her back. Obviously I"m pretty close to her family, so this wasn't some act or ploy on my part. At the very most it may make her comfortable in opening up to me about things, which can be good, or put me in the 'friend zone'.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
I think AS is trying to say it’s not time to celebrate and time to double down on GAL.
Yes that's it. I mean it is OK to celebrate internally, just no high fives with W or anything. It's a baby step, it may mean something or it may not. Only time will tell. In the meantime stick to that DB'ing!
Originally Posted by Terapin
I just tried to be supportive as possible. I mean, it wasn't 'trying' for me, as I do seriously worry about SIL.
No that's good, this is the kind of stuff we mean when we say to be "the rock". You're the stability in the storm that is her life. Don't offer advice or anything, just listen and validate her emotions.
So W comes home from work today. I had ordered a pizza. She was on the phone with her sisters H, talking about sisters sitch. It was 5pm when she got off the phone and sat down on the opposite couch.
She began telling me the 'latest' with her sister. That eventually lead into her saying about how she knows we have our own things to work on, but it's been so crazy this last week that she can't even concentrate on us. I validated. She said talking to the girls at work today, that she told them she feels bad that we haven't talked much, and just when she was at the point of 'wanting to take steps to work on the M', this stuff with her sister happened. I just validated, and said her sisters welfare is more important that our problems right now. Which is very true.
She again brought up the 2 weddings and concert she has in october, and then said maybe we could find me a tix to the concert. Then asked if i had plans on either of the wedding dates. I just kept my cool and said it's prob too late to get a concert tix, but her and son will have a great time. Also told her I know I have something going on in October during one of those days, but i'll let her know. She then said she's excited for the concert her and I are going to in a few weeks.
We have been talking nonstop since 5pm. Well mostly her talking, me listening and validating. Wow.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
W and I took S8 to my uncles party/family reunion yesterday afternoon. Had a pretty good time. I know W had to be a little uncomfortable at first, being around my parents for the first time in over a month. But she hung in there pretty well. We then went to my brother and SILs, to hang out for a few hours. W and SIL could tell that I was a bit 'uneasy' about going there, since previous OM is crashing on a couch 3 houses down. At first I was real tempted to walk down there and 'have a talk' with him, but I let it go. The weird thing was, W seemingly had no problem with being there, and being so close. That kinda freaked me out the most. Either it was kind of a 'turn on' for her to be within 100 yards of him, or she had zero feeling about it. IDK, it just seemed a little weird to me.
Anyway, the night was good I guess. W even texted while there and said I looked cute in the shirt I was wearing. When we got home, I 'invited' her to sleep in our bed, but she again shrugged and went to the couch. Baby steps I guess?
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Yesterday was rough for W/us regarding her sister. I had a tough day at work and thinking about stupid crap, and W asked what's wrong. I just said I was tired. By evening, we were watching football and goofing around with our son. She asked him if he wants to go to a local festival, as well as some haunted houses this year.
I think I mentioned before that 3 years ago we bought a new house. when we moved in, son was 4 or 5, and afraid to sleep in his new bedroom. So out of convienence W slept with him in the living room. Plus, she's a night owl and I go to bed and wake up about 2 or 3 hours earlier than her, so sleeping separate during the week was just 'easier'. Then we got a new dog last year, who also got used to W sleeping in living room. Anyway, I never realized how important sleeping in the marital bed together is. Yes, I was an idiot, plus kinda liking the fact that 'hey, I've got the whole bed to myself!' So what started innocently as a way to soothe son/dog, became the norm. We haven't slept in the same bed, including weekends, for months. And twice I've 'invited' her to sleep with me in the last two weeks after we've had good evenings together. Both she refused.
Last night, around 1am, I woke up after yet another nightmare, and she was crawling into bed. I asked what she was doing, and she said 'I'd like to sleep in here tonight'.
I am not reading too much into any of this, nor getting overly excited. It seems every week she takes another small step towards getting closer with me. You guys were right on the money about being a 'marathon'. Regardless of what happens, being a normal family these past 2 weeks has been awesome.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
