Quotes Found on DivorceBusting Forums (5)

[Ready2Change]

The Bridge

[Ready2Change]

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But knowledge is power. One of the best things I did in my sitch was talk to a lawyer. It did several things:

1) Gave me the knowledge I needed for what to expect, and what the process would be. With kids involved there is no such thing as a quick D. It is a long, drawn out process. He'll have to be fully engaged all along the way. Finding this out made me realize that she likely wouldn't follow through on any of that. Your H sounds very similar to my W in that regard.

2) It helped me get over the D stigma. Actually discussing it with the L gave me a sense of power and control. I couldn't stop her from Ding me, but I also didn't have to be a innocent bystander in it either. The L asked questions and set the expectations about how the EAs affected her case. Etc.

3) It hit her with a dose of reality! When I told her a couple of weeks later that I had talked to a lawyer, I saw her confidence just sag. She realized that this was not going to be painless, and she wasn't going to get off scot-free. Lots of her dirty laundry would come out (waywardness, EAs, business/financial problems, etc). Your H has a lot to worry about there as well, so once he finds out you talked to L he'll realize that the D is going to expose his warts. And he'll also realize that his hopes of getting 50/50 custody will be slim (he left the home, he spends copious times at the local bar, etc).

4) It made her realize that I was going to be okay, no matter what. WASs bank on the fact that the LBS wants to avoid D so bad that they will agree to almost anything as concessions to "play nice". Talking to a lawyer wakes them up to the fact that you have a backbone! And that while you still don't want a D, you will do what is necessary to be okay post the D.

Do not overlook the power of 1-4. It is profound. EVERY LBS that has been threatened with D should speak to a lawyer EARLY in their sitch. It alone can help turn your sitch around.

[Ready2Change]

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Sorry, but promises went out the window with OW. And be sure to mention that to him when he inevitably gets angry when he finds out you talked to a lawyer.

"We promised to keep lawyers out of this!"

"Yes, and we also took vows to forsake all others. I guess YOU get to pick and choose which promises we should adhere to?"

[Ready2Change]

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.... if a friend of mine was going through this I would tell her "success is the best revenge". Be confident, make him miss you, don't be available for him.....

[Ready2Change]

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ask yourself...how toxic do you feel your R was before bomb drop? Was everything blissful and happy then just all of a sudden BOOM?....As hard as it will be, look at yourself and your contribution to the sitch. Learn from it.

And very important...DO NOT MAKE ANY DECISION OR SAY ANYTHING WHEN YOU ARE EMOTIONAL!!! Such things NEVER end up good.

[Grace21]

Love this post! Thanks.

[BluWave]

A post written by joejoe1, who last I heard, was still piecing after his W returned to the M.

Feeding the GOOD WOLF is a concept that helped save me and my M. I started feeding myself with only positive things. If I turned on the news and it was negative I turned the channel. If I was listening to the radio and a negative song came on I found a uplifting and positive song. I listened to a lot of gospel.

I start going to church. I found a church that made me feel good to attend the people were very inviting and offered me a lot of opportunities to do things in the church I took them up on their offer. (While was at the church my W thought I was with someone else. On 3 nights out the week.) I would get dressed up nice and put on some smell good, say bye and say I will see you later ( I also asked if she had anything going on, I didnt want to be a A hole). I never told her where I was going, but I was always was pleasant with my interactions with her. Always feeding the positive, optimistic side of of life.

I have thrived and lived off of pessimism, so training myself to have an optimistic outlook during such a low point in my life was hard as hell. But I had to do it for myslef and boys. I was tired of living in the the misery.

I started and ended everyday reflecting on the good things about that day.

At the start it felt kind of fake, but after a while it became my mantra. I was living with a positive attitude. I would smile at every person I could, even my WW (its hards not to smile at someone that's smiling at you). When I went to public places and was in the check out lines, I would read the name tags of every person I interacted with, and when they finished I thanked them for their service.

I told everyone bye, hi, good morning, afternoon, evening and day, even my WW. I refused to leave my M and my W having the last memories of being an angry and a negative person.

I still never talk about the M, R, or said ILY. I stuck to Sandi Rules, and I detached with love the way AS preaches.

I start going about my life doing things I always wanted to do. I start meeting new people, they were uplifting. Like, one day I did a meetup.com hike. And while on the hike, I started talking to the guy who made the meet up. Come to find out he was a pastor at one of the biggest churches in my city. We ended up talking for a while at the end of the hike and he gave me comfort and great advice.

I started to open myself to the world and I stop looking at all the wrongs with my life and startes thanking GOD for all the good.(what a transformation for a man like me.)

I listened to videos on YouTube about optimistic and positive outlooks.

All these changes, a compilation of changes, I also 180ed a lot of my old bad habits, made my W curious and she wanted to see if they were for real, and they were, I stop making changes for her and did them for myself.

It took time and patients.

[Ready2Change]

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If it were me giving myself advice in your sitch. This is what I would suggest.

1) Find someone else to take care of the task that your H has repeatedly failed to do in a timely manner.
2) Get a consultation with an attorney to know exactly what you are up against from a legal standpoint.
3) Stick to a schedule for your D and limit your convos with your H to only your D.
4) During the exchanging of your D, have someone else in your place to be present. This will help limit your interactions with your H.
5) Consistently see your IC, which I am happy that you have an appointment today.
6) Fill your calendar with GAL activities.

I realize this is a tall task, but the inconsistencies in your interactions are causing your emotions to be all over the place. This will help you detach and be consistent.

[Ready2Change]

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His choice is you or not you. Your choice is to be happy no matter what, or to be miserable one way or the other.

PS: Burned, anyone can add good quotes here.

[Ready2Change]

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Do you really want to be married to someone who lies, cheats and treats you like crap? Someone who openly abandoned your and your baby. No! Absolutely not. It’s hard to see that because many of us hold on to the idea and the fantasy of marriage. I know I did and holding onto that fantasy left me stuck. I should have taken action, but I didn’t. Like you, there was nothing anybody could do that would make me be the one to initiate the divorce. Instead it just prolonged the hurt and games.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for divorce. I’m saying let go of the fantasy. It’s hurting you. The reality is you are currently married to a liar and cheater.

Don’t mean to be gruff. I wish someone drilled that into my skull when I was doing exactly what you are now.