I see so many sob stories here about WAS and so many folks falling into the trap. Some of you have no hope, your spouse is going to leave you no matter what. If that's the case it doesn't matter, write it off and GAL, because you are powerless to change it. If you can change it great, good for you, catch it early on, do your best, that's all you can do. If you can't do that get out and live folks, live your life, make the best of it, because it's short. Let your WAS smother in their affairs, and they will. Let them seek that short term gratification, then stick their heads over the fence and realize the grass isn't greener. GAL and live people, you deserve it, disconnect, it's not easy, but you can. And when you can let go you will be free, and you will have your life, and love it, and embrace it, and live. My advice to all of you.
Wife is back for the most part, so in love right now, things are great. Counseling has been good I will keep going. Work hard folks it will pay off. I might have saved my marriage.
I have merged your two threads together. Your original thread had 40 postings and we ask that posters to keep to one thread until you have reached the 100 posting/reply limit. You can change the subject line in your thread at any time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Wife is back for the most part, so in love right now, things are great. Counseling has been good I will keep going. Work hard folks it will pay off. I might have saved my marriage.
Congratulations Paul. That sounds like things are on the right track. One thing I have been reminding myself since we moved into full blown R in late March early April is that the work is NOT done.
In fact, I have had to be DILIGENT in maintaining my 180s. A couple of weeks ago I had something come up at home that used to make me anxious, and therefore lash out. I had to take deep breaths and keep repeating to myself "180. 180. 180." The point is that the work doesn't stop with R. Please remember this Paul. You should keep on working! Keep a healthy level of detachment (look up self differentiation in marriage). Keep GAL (most spouses find a busy, active partner to be attractive), and definitely cement any 180s firmly for the future.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well I want to say thus far I am succeeding folks. My wife is back for the most part, she has cut her EA off to my knowledge and we are tighter than we have ever been. For those who have little faith in what you have learned here trust me it works stick to the program, GAL, work on yourself. Can I guarantee it 100% no I cannot, but it's worked for me thus far, things are a still bit rocky but as far as my marriage it's way better than it ever was I am so in love with my wife and I believe she feels the same. The key for me right now is not to back slide I will keep working ahead and make the best of my new chance.
Great news Paul! Yes you are right, you need to focus on staying the course and not backsliding. This has been my biggest focus through R and piecing. Making sure the 180s I instituted are permanent.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Paul, congrats! Proceed with caution though. If you fall back into old habits you will find yourself in the same spot. DB'ing is for life. Stick with your 180's. Do some soul-searching about what worked to rebuild things and what didn't work, and keep doing what is working.
Just as a warning to other LBS's reading this, a few months is a blazing fast turnaround but if you go back and read the first couple of pages, a couple of us did comment that it seemed like Paul's W was not a full-blown WAS yet. So he may have gotten lucky and caught things early enough to turn it around before she went full BD. Timing helps a lot, unfortunately most of us don't have a clue until the hour is late.
Just as a warning to other LBS's reading this, a few months is a blazing fast turnaround but if you go back and read the first couple of pages, a couple of us did comment that it seemed like Paul's W was not a full-blown WAS yet. So he may have gotten lucky and caught things early enough to turn it around before she went full BD. Timing helps a lot, unfortunately most of us don't have a clue until the hour is late.
This is so true! I think a good indicator is who initiates BD. In my sitch, which turned around quickly (which is atypical), I initiated BD because I could tell something wasn't quite right. Snooped, found messages between her and OM, and took action.
If she had initiated BD she would have been much further down the path to WAS/WW status.
LBSs, listen to AS here. Most sitched take MONTHS, and even YEARS. Patience is a must.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Just as a warning to other LBS's reading this, a few months is a blazing fast turnaround but if you go back and read the first couple of pages, a couple of us did comment that it seemed like Paul's W was not a full-blown WAS yet. So he may have gotten lucky and caught things early enough to turn it around before she went full BD. Timing helps a lot, unfortunately most of us don't have a clue until the hour is late.
Very true I think my WAW wanted to scare me into coming around, and she did, yes I am lucky in some ways I may have had a better chance than some, but what I learned here did work and I hope it works for all of you.
