Hey BM, you are in an anger cycle against W. It’s logical to have hard feelings but you need to DB as many of us have tried to tell you. Avoid R talks. I know you were manipulated to have that last one but if that happens keep talk short and to the point. If it’s not related to your S then try not to have it.
Keep on detaching, don’t push away confronting her. You did well getting some boundaries securing your S sake.
Go and read again what AS and Steve have posted. You need to be consistent when DB.
Sending you a hug and hoping you have a nice weekend BM
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
One thing though that does stick out...in the middle of all of her ranting, she would sometimes make a comment, stop, and apologize for the comment saying "that was unfair, I'm sorry" or something like that.
I don't want to read into it. But it's definitely her normal reaction whenever she says something she knows she didn't mean. It's rare, but it happens more and more.
I don't get it. Why would anyone with so much hate, animosity, and without any concern for someone's feelings feel bad about anything they say at all? Why would they want to be rid of me, but still worry about what I say? None of that makes sense. I know the WW thing doesn't make sense, but this is just absolutely hell.
Yesterday, I deactivated my FB for a while. I'm tired of every time her feelings get hurt that it turns into my fault.
Literally everything that upsets her is because of me, according to her.
It's exhausting to say the least. So I'm just going to take a break from saying anything at all.
I got word from W's aunt yesterday that W's grandmother is going into hospice today. Her family has always treated me like their own, and I love them all very much. So this is going to be a difficult time.
Another one of the things that have been stressing me out is that my daughter from my 1st M has been very sick. They live too far away for me to be able to be there, and that's always difficult (also something W likes to bring up...that I don't see them enough so I can't say she's a bad parent because it's hypocritical). She is a type 1 diabetic, and also just had to have her thyroid checked because of swelling, they didn't find cancer, but they found early polyps that can cause cancer. I have been keeping up with them frequently (since going to see them isn't something I can afford to do at all, I at least try to stay connected with them). I had told W a few weeks ago that she was going to get tested for that, and W had no response at all to it. None.
It seems that W has absolutely nothing except anger and hate towards me. At least, that's what she says. We did finally come to the conclusion that her main point of contention was that she would say that she was upset about something, and instead of fixing it, I would just get sad and sulk about it. So I get that, I was too passive.
She likes to bring up random things to try to make me feel bad. She brought up "her" cat that I had to get rid of after she moved out and left it behind (it kept attacking S, and I told her to come get it). To her, this is me not caring about her or how she feels, or the well-being of the cat.
Now she says that she actually tried to leave when she was pregnant with S. She had jumped out of the car and ran down the road. She said that was her trying to leave me. The sad part is that I remember what that was about...we were talking about pregnancy changes, and I stated something about how hormones affect women during pregnancy (not being flippant, but stating a medical fact) and that for some reason caused her to start hating me. Because I "ruined the magic of pregnancy", and since I had older kids she felt that I was "bringing up the sex life" of me and my first W. I wasn't at all, so I have always felt like this was a drastic overreaction that she's chosen never to let go of.
W seems to think that anyone who says/does ANYTHING that upsets her is trying to hurt her. She's also insanely co-dependent (doesn't need anyone, but can have sex with whoever she wants).
It's a lot of bs. I'm tired. Yesterday, I just wanted to give up totally on everything.
I'm going to pull back and just not talk to her. Which, of course, she also has a problem with. Yesterday she said "you have these cycles, you try being nice, and when I don't come back, you turn mean (as in, I put my foot down about my boundaries), then you feel bad and get quiet, then it starts over again, and it's annoying."
She did admit that the problems we had in the M were all fixable. But she says "the problems we have now since I left can't be fixed" and that had I "respected that the R was over when I left we wouldn't have these problems."
I still disagree.
I'm still a mess about it all. She seems to actually believe that nothing is her fault, and still wants to manufacture things to blame me for.
I know, that's what WW do. But it's exhausting. And honestly, it hurts like hell.
S is here now playing with his toys till W gets off work. I've spent a little time today packing up some of her belongings so that she can take them with her when she picks him up. I let her know I had them, of course she was offended because she's in the middle of being evicted from her apartment. She asked if I could hold on to them for a week or two. I politely said "I'm just tired of looking at them."
Today is hard. While cleaning I found some cards and wedding pics.
When W picked S up, I had the things bagged up by the door. She came in and played with S for a couple of minutes. I told her "I have some of your stuff ready for you. Please take it with you."
W - "I'm in the middle of an eviction, dude."
M - "I know. But I'm tired of seeing it all of the time. Please take it."
W - "Well, you can just look at it for another week or so."
Why can't this be easier? She knows it hurts me to see her things. I know she's in the process of moving, but I really can't do anything about her situation. It's not my problem to fix.
Take her things and stick them in a storage area out of sight.
bm, sometimes LBSs play this game: "I want to engage you over something so I am going to make your stuff at my house an issue. However, I am not going to get it out of my sight, I am just going to continue to use it to remind myself of you, and complain about it every chance I get."
Don't play that game. Your not seeing her stuff isn't up to her, it is up to you. Stick it bags and boxes. Then put in an unused room, an attic, a storage area, the basement. ANYWHERE out of your sight.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
