Thank you thank you thank you. You have no idea what a hell this is.
Weather is HOT here but storms daily in the afternoon this time of year. We got home a bit ago from the baptism and the baby is napping at the moment and I plan to work on some projects I have going if I can bring myself to do it. If I can manage to not picture him with her, I can get moving.
I appreciate you saying if I continue the path I am on, he will regret it. I felt like that’s where he was headed and then I found out about this and clearly things have changed a bit now.
I will really try to have a productive day if I can. Just feeling like every day is going to get harder instead of easier now.
I believe I will hear from him tomorrow wanting to see our daughter. Any suggestions for how I should handle that at that point? Ready2change always suggests I prepare my responses ahead of time and I’d like to be ready. As I know his demeanor is going to become angry soon since he is already on the defense and he wants to assert himself as her father, if that makes sense.
I want to text him and ask him how he could do this to me. I want to ask him if he’s going to continue this relationship with OW. I want to tell him he’s disgusting and I never want to see him again.
None of which I will do or say, but I am really struggling. He doesn’t seem remorseful at all about this. He’s done nothing but deny it and then reach out today as if last night didn’t happen and he didn’t say he was leaving town or any of that. He just came and got his stuff like nothing. He is literally killing me.
I have a baby to take care of all day and he has no remorse for what he’s doing in his life. As if he can deny it and that makes it okay. I think I dread even MORE the day he admits to it and informs me he is going to continue seeing her.
I don’t know how anyone gets past this. The OW prior to this, thinks trickles out over time and he kept promising not to speak to her. He was also living here then. I asked him to leave ONE WEEK AGO and he goes and gets in a relationship. I’m so blown away at how he must act with these girls, as if I don’t exist to him. How is this possible? I’m to the point where I know we need to divorce because I can’t imagine ever getting past this. But the thought of us not working through this makes me want to curl up in a ball. I feel so sick it’s crzy. I’m venting I’m sorry. I don’t want to bring this to anyone else because I already know what friends and family will say and I’m not ready for that.
His favorite football team plays tonight and I’m sure he will be at the bar SHE works at watching the game. Howwwwww is this the man I married, created a family with, shared my heart and soul with. How has he forgotten me and who I am and how much he loved me.
I know her name and no she isn’t married. She works at the bar he goes to, as I suspected. And she has a young daughter. And the little group of friends he has formed that don’t know me and don’t know his real friends, seem to all hang out with the 2 of them, as if he isn’t married. I haven’t spoken to anyone or anything, just from what I’ve seen.
I’m laying here with my daughter and my stomach is just in complete knots. I know he was struggling these last few days, spending as much time here as he could. Was that because he was feeling even more guilt because of what he was doing? I can’t imagine it now, being able to save my M. When I told him last night that I wasn’t playing his games (in regards to him telling me to contact whoever I think OW is and ask them if they’re seeing him. He kept saying “ask her! If I was seeing someone would I tell you to ask her!?”
And I said I’m not playing your games. You know, I know, and you’ve most likely informed her that you’ve told me to contact her. I know everything I need to know. You and I are only parents now, the only connection we have is our daughter”
He responded saying “you acting innocent is BS. It’s not game playing, we just need to go to court”
And I responded saying “agreed. Do what you need to do, have a good night”
And that’s when he said he has the dissolution paperwork and that he wasn’t with anyone and that I’ve been dressing sexy all of a sudden and oozing sexiness blah blah blah and that I’ve genuinely changed For the better and will truly make someone happy.
He clearly aslready had the paperwork. I wish he felt bad about this. Part of me is certain he does and is hiding it by denying it and part of me feels like he’s just going to embrace his life and OW now and own up to it and go forward with divorce and live this new life
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I was just feeling the same when my husband went out "on a walk" in the pouring rain with his phone. It is hard to stop thinking about what they are doing. We have to keep ourselves busy. I hope you finished one of your projects. Getting creative helps. I went on a long run this morning and will now have to get some work done. Hang in there.
Thank you thank you thank you. You have no idea what a hell this is.
Hey Kech....believe it or not, I have lived through that hell. It took me 13 months from BD to confirm my W was in a relationship with another man. Before that, I was ordered by a judge to put our children on a flight to be with her 1100 miles away from me. I lived a whole school year away from my kids, visiting them as often as I could.
Here is the thing, you can look at this as a hell, or as an opportunity to catapult yourself into a much better life. I truly believe that we can learn more from one storm, than 1000 days of sunshine. I have found that many people are motivated to change, when they are faced with loss. Be it, the loss of a job, the loss of a relationship or the death of a loved one. We have choices.
Now, try to limit how much time you spend wondering why your H is thinking or doing. Yes, I know.....easier said than done. Every minute spent on him, is a minute you can invest in yourself. Besides, at the end of the day, his choices are his cross to bear. He might not even remember any of the craziness. I know my W doesn't remember or chooses not to remember the craziness she demonstrated. It really doesn't matter, because we don't live in that time anymore.
Keep working on processing these feelings. Go take your emotions out in some way.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Litb, I’m sorry, I meant to write “you have no idea what a help this is”, but hell works as well.
Are you and your W back together now after DBing? I can’t imagine going without the kids for a year, I’m so sorry you went through that. That’s strength. Sometimes I feel super strong and sometimes I feel like I’m about to break down.
The BD was almost a year ago and I found out about OW 3 months later.
And now yes, we haven’t been working on our marriage, but we were living together up until a week ago and clearly he just still continued doing as he pleases. And now for him to say IM NOT INNOCENT somehow bc I’ve been dressing sexier? It’s funny that he hasn’t even thought of the fact that when all this started I was smack dab in the middle of pregnancy. Women’s bodies go through SO MUCH. Since I had the baby in February, I have lost around 50 pounds, because that’s what happens when you have a baby, and go through all this s***. So me dressing different is bc i was pregnant and now I’m no longer not and now I can fit into a lot of things. And my body has changed completely and I’m proud of it! I’m confident about it and instead of thinking about it like that, he’s seeing it as a jab to him.
How’s is he thinking still ALL ABOUT HIMSELF?! I find out he’s seeing someone and he rants about how sad his life is right now and how it’s so hard and he just has to get away and he has nobody but the baby. NOT ONCE even thinking to himself, wow, my wife having to see that I’m dating someone else AGAIN must be REALLY HARD FOR HER. She’s been being such a great mom and going through all this and I just put her through more hurt.
But of course he wouldn’t think like that. It blows my mind!! He was feeling guilty and apologizing for “everything” 48 hours ago, but now that I’ve called him out on what I know, he’s no longer sorry, he just feels bad for himself. I feel like I’m in an alternate universe.
I hope you’re right. I hope he comes around, regrets all of this, puts in the work and doesn’t even remember how crazy he’s Been.
Just had a complete meltdown by myself in the living room. Crying, yelling to the ceiling. First real meltdown in a while. Part of me wants him to have to see me cry. See what he’s doing to me. I feel like he has no idea.
But I know that’s not the right thing to do. But what if I pretend to have all this strength and he feels like he’s lost me anyway so he never tries and files for D and never knows how broken I am. Maybe he knows. Ugh.
