Yes, my W and I have been back together since May of 2014 and our M/R is more solid than pre-craziness. I had to own my part in the mess that I had to own, which was quite an awakening for me when someone pointed it out to me.
Regarding your H, it is difficult to apply rational thinking to an irrational person.
BTW, what a difference the word hell and help are in that one sentence. I shared info that I wouldn't have if the word would have been "help". All good.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Just had a complete meltdown by myself in the living room. Crying, yelling to the ceiling. First real meltdown in a while. Part of me wants him to have to see me cry. See what he’s doing to me. I feel like he has no idea.
But I know that’s not the right thing to do. But what if I pretend to have all this strength and he feels like he’s lost me anyway so he never tries and files for D and never knows how broken I am. Maybe he knows. Ugh.
This is your rock bottom. Nothing wrong with having a meltdown. It is actually a good and healthy release. He doesn't need to see you like this. It won't make a difference, right now. Probably cause a good argument that won't get you closer to your goal.
Kech, you are valuable. Anyone that is on these boards working to save their M/R has high character. Like I said yesterday keep doing the work and he will be fortunate to have an opportunity to be in your life. Be patient and trust the process.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Pain, I’m sorry for you as well. I will read over your posts if you have any and catch myself up on your sitch.
LITB, it feels really good to know you had success in this and that you guys are better for it. How long did it take to start working towards bettering your marriage? He isn’t even willing to at this point. He’s more afraid of what he’s missing out on outside the marriage than in the marriage.
I received a text from him tonight asking me not to watch football with the baby, because his team is playing and he wants her first time watching to be with him. I didn’t respond to this ridiculous text, as if my mind was on football. When I didn’t respond he texted again
H: please H: ok cool H: ok I see how this is going to be
Finally I responded and said “I was giving her a bath, please calm down. Football is nowhere on my mind. Have a good night”
H: don’t act like I’m a d*ck for bringing it up H: I’ve already missed out on firsts with her bc of you H: please I’m thinking about her right now getting ready to watch the game
I didn’t respond.these are ridiculous texts. And I know he will be angry tomorrow and send me a text demanding to see her because that’s what he does when he knows he is in the wrong, as he is, seeing another woman.
He isn’t even thinking about our M. Any suggestions on how to respond when he undoubtedly texts tomorrow asking to see her? I’m fine with him seeing her, I just don’t want to see him at all. I wish he would just leave me be for a few days.
I started making changes immediately after BD. My W committed to recon 18 months later, however she did not work on herself up to that point. We attended Retrouvaille about 4 months after we reconciled and the wheels fell off again a couple of months later.
During the second 18 month separation is when she began working on herself, unbeknownst to me. At that point, I was dating someone new and was pushing the D to get finalized. That is the short version, sparing you a lot of details.
Again, good job with the text exchanges. Your H is trying to bait you into an argument or temp check you at the very least. You don't need to act like he is being a d*ck. He clearly is being one.
Help us understand the arrangements on when he is spending time with your D. Does he only spend time with her at your place? I am guessing no visitation schedule? This will help us to help you with a response if he reaches out to you.
He is already feeling the affect of your boundary. He will act like a petulant child not getting his way. Stick to your guns
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Yes he only sees her here, he doesn’t have his own place yet. He has never taken her anywhere without me. Not really for any specific reason though, the 3 of us would do things together before bc he was living here, and he never had a reason to take her anywhere. He doesn’t have a car seat in his truck but I would not be opposed to let him take her. He hasn’t really asked.
But I know he will. He had asked to take her somewhere this past weekend and I said ok, but then all this happened and he said he was no longer coming and he was going out of town blah blah.
It is refreshing to hear you and your W have made things work after time apart. I think social media is a big downside to me, bc I can see OW and it’s killing me. Thinking I may need to delete for a little while to keep my sanity.
His texts are so ridiculous, I don’t understand what he’s thinking. It’s like he’s completely clueless to my pain. As if he’s the only one hurting bc he isn’t at our home with the baby. He prob wouldn’t be here if he lived here! And I didn’t ask for any of this to happen. 48 hours ago he was apologizing for everything and here we are with him placing all the blame on me.
Absurd. But yes, I assume I will get a text tomorrow saying he wants to come seeour D or he wants to pick her up and take her somewhere. Which will be very hard for me bc I don’t like when he gets all aggressive and demands to see her bc he’s angry with me. And he does it often and it makes me really upset. But I know he wants to see her and I’m not trying to keep her from him.
I just so badly wish I could have a few days from seeing him. I’d love him to just leave me be for a couple days. But regardless, any suggestions how I should handle that situation? Do I just respond yes. Or do I say “I really would like to not see you, so I’ll be leaving once you arrive.” That just feels stupid to say. I don’t know. The less the better I know
