this site has tons of great help from years ago hidden within it. I found this "nugget of wisdom" and thought it worth sharing again for myself and others:
LBS creed - I can handle anything thrown my way. I am responsible for my actions, thoughts and happiness. I will respect my WAS and let their problems be their problems. I am fun, confident, interesting and capable. I am attractive. I am interested in others well being. I choose to thrive regardless of my circumstance. I am a warrior.
Don't know about the whole "warrior" part, was reading some other old post where sandi mentioned us H's model ourselves like Rhett Butler. I'm going that way!
Well there probably is OM........and ultimately you have to save yourself. Your desire to be happy, confident, fun, attractive, etc. is all within your hands but you have to do the work. Some LBSers move on quicker than others but at some point in time everyone reaches the fuch this stage, they get tired of dwelling on their W, and they pick themselves up off the ground and start moving forward.
Good to see you updating, even if it isn't particularly great news. I feel like we are on similar journeys with early April BDs and Ws who have been resolute in their desire to end the MR. It [censored], and I feel for you on your second go-round and with a kid.
Ultimately, I think that our Ws resoluteness can help us with our detachment. I don't know how I would detach at all if I was constantly fielding calls/texts from the W. Speaking to her only once in the past 3 months has helped me detach greatly. It sounds like you are getting to a similar place. That also means that we have more time to focus on ourselves. I love your last post. I would love to get to that place. Putting in the work, introspection, and exhibiting patience to get there is the hard part.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Davide, no it is crap news but I would not be here if it was good!
I can only pray one day I get to that point. Feel like a pretty big pile o crap right now.
It is SO hard to move past someone you loved so much, I only hope God and the good folks here have mercy on me while I make the journey. It is full on terrible pain right now.
My best to you Davide...May God grant you grace, peace and comfort you through this terrible trial in your life. I will be praying for you...that is all some of us got.
Its strange how something as simple as W changing her name affects us. My S told me just the other day that W was changing her name. I imagine its a form of guilt and a constant reminder of the lbh that eats at them every time they see there own name. My W has not filed yet but to me it would make sense just to wait until then. Sense being the key word. I still receive emails from my W daily as she is the manager at my DD nursery with my surname.I find myself wondering when she will change that one because then all the other parents will know. I do want my W to change her name now though because she did have an A with AM and is still with him and i feel its just another sign of disrespect to me. Right now my W does not deserve to be apart of my awesome family name. I guess it’s just another sign to us that we re not detached yet. We will get there .
Keep going. Keep being strong . Keep being the amazing Ballast.
Me=32 W=29 R=12 yrs M=7 yrs BD 02/18/18 Dd=3 S=6 Other man confirmed 06/10/18
rawpain, yes it does. the change back is really a visual indicator of where they are. someone asked me if I thought she was trying to be hurtful, said honestly no idea. i mean you expect them to change back once the D is complete, but I guess perhaps the keyword is "expect". they can do as they please really. for me i just addressed the content of the message for that reason.
i'm very sorry to hear of your sitch and can understand why you would be wanting her to change her name. for me it was disappointing, but seeing it did help me to detach further. her rush to D I don't understand, but it is her life, her choice...all I can do is determine how I let it effect me.
my best to you rawpain, as you say we just have to keep on going and be the best we can be.
I don't believe they try to be hurtful on purpose, I think they are just so full blown into their selfishness that they will take down anyone in their path, anyone that attempts to stand in their way. I would not take any of it personally but it is very hard to detach, be objective, and continue to love from a distance. It's a tough balancing act for sure.
I think those individuals that rush to D already have a landing pad and have secured OM. My XW was pretty tight lipped while we were married but soon after the D was final I found out about OM and just the timeline alone tells me that they met while we were separated but still married. It also told me that she had been dating probably within 2 to 3 weeks after moving out of our house. I firmly believe she did not press forward with D until she found a man and was comfortable with him.
Hey B, sorry to see you are down in the dumps today. I feel your pain brother because there are moments and sometimes days that I go thru these emotions myself. I think it is at these time we need to address what we feel and then move on to something more positive- like ALL the things we should be thankful for. Just know my prayers are with you - Blessings!
M51 w50 T-20Yrs M-16Yrs S15- mad at W for not trying and giving up 1 Awesum dog BD 10/31/17 separate rooms 02/08/18 wife moved out 05/17/18
