if the stress is too much, you don't have to involve yourself with her other than your child. Only you can decide how much is enough for you.
If you can't take it and pull back, she will respond. Whether or not it saves the marriage or brings it to the head on divorce is unknown. Or you keep going as is.
Sorry things are so tough right now.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
I'm doing good. I know it. And I see encouraging signs from W. I just hit a major dip for the last three days. It happens many weekends W is out.
I keep hoping and praying that it comes to an end soon because nothing lasts forever...I'm trying to keep my head up because others have been able to overcome as well.
I approach in a friendly manner some days and pull back other days. No pursuit for a month and a half and she has already started to open up. I just need to remember to be patient and know that any decision I make has to come of sound mind, which I am nowhere near right now. I have sound mind moments and I'm slowly getting more of them as this goes on, but I'm nowhere near where I ideally need to be.
Just finished a nearly two hour call where I stood up to...my abusive father. He tried to call me a coward for breaking down about my sitch, I countered and told him that I will cry because it hurts and I WILL get stronger. He said I was weak and subservient to W when he visited, I countered that it was a choice I made because I wanted to help out. He said that I was forced to change my D4, I countered HARD by saying that due to the traumatic circumstances of my D4’s birth and her intestinal problems I was eternally grateful to get the chance to change her and clean up her poop. D4 could have died due to intestinal issues.
He threw punch after punch. He blamed my W for this sitch, and I countered saying I had a role in it as well. Six times. He tried to bait me a 7th time and I told him that I was done talking about it.
I have never spoke to him like...a man like this before. And I went toe to toe with him. My abusive father. And I stood up to him. Repeatedly.
This is a major accomplishment.
I busted my abusive relationship with my father. I stood up to him. Like a man.
Roller coaster drop seems to have stopped and leveled out. I was able to keep it together yesterday and capped it off with my life-changing call to my abusive father. I'm still feeling good about my interaction with him. I feel like I established and enforced my boundaries after 30+ years of allowing him to abuse me and me being submissive so that I cannot be hurt any further by him.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Dinner with W and D4 tonight (as of right now. W can change her mind...50% and whatnot). I'm assuming the answer should be "no" unless she brings it up, but should I bring up the conversation and breakthrough I had from my conversation with my father last night? Is that considered pursuit?
Had a good family dinner with the W and D4. Talked about my conversation with my father. She still seethes with rage and told me that he’s not invited to our house. I agreed. She goes on talking about how we’re good parents and that she worked two jobs and takes care of the house. I told her that I told my dad that as well. Then talked about plans for the fall...snow driving, my hopes for a raise next month, and other non-Relationship stuff. Briefly talked about where she stays when she is in the city (near OM). She said that I’m assuming things of where she stays (pursuit? Don’t think I did good there).
She’s going to pack my clothes for my weekend away. I didn’t ask.
Pursued a little when I told her about an addicting app that I was on for three years was deleted off my phone. Felt proud to tell her that.
Not a bad evening.
Would like some feedback, though. I know I’m doing the right things but I just want to continue my strat and continue to be a better me while longing and hoping for R.
