Just for a little reassurance, which I know is bad to ask for. I can see the eye rolling now. But EVEN THOUGH my H has just started up a new relationship with ANOTHER woman, there is still somehow hope for my M?
In how he is acting sometimes i feel like he is so lost and uncertain and afraid to lose me, and then sometimes I think hes so detached I cant imagine getting him back.
Just for a little reassurance, which I know is bad to ask for. I can see the eye rolling now. But EVEN THOUGH my H has just started up a new relationship with ANOTHER woman, there is still somehow hope for my M?
In how he is acting sometimes i feel like he is so lost and uncertain and afraid to lose me, and then sometimes I think hes so detached I cant imagine getting him back.
Yes there is. But it will take:
a) time b) patience c) consistency in DBing
So dig in as this is a marathon, not a sprint.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Coming from you this means a lot. I think I will print it and read it every morning. I really hope you are right. I have time if he will allow it and I can be patient, and I will DB my a*s off. Hopefully I can continue having great support in here. My biggest issues come with his texts. I have a tendency to ignore, so if I dont respond to him immediately, he thinks thats what im doing and he gets annoyed and continues texting in anger.
When most of the time im really writing in here wondering how to respond. I do think i handled last night good though. When he texted repeatedly about not watching football with the baby. I eventually was able to respond and said "I was giving her a bath, please calm down. Football is not on my mind. Have a good night"
Hopefully that is DB approved. I am really liking reading DR, I like that it gives you specific steps to take. It is hard knowing that now he is for sure seeing someone else. Its very difficult to imagine I could do ANYTHING that would open his eyes at this point. But I know DB is for me, to change my actions and reactions. He was noticing, 100%.
His text to me yesterday morning was for me to let him know when he can see her, and I said another day would be better. Im a little nervous that if I dont reach out for him to see her, hes going to contact me tomorrow or something and start discussing his rights to her, etc. Which I want to avoid at all costs. Any suggestions?
Do I just wait it out? I just cant handle the topic of custody with him, it makes me really upset. So I try to avoid it
WHy am i so afraid of upsetting him?! I should tell him to SHOVE IT if he wants to bring that up. I keep being hurt by him OVER AND OVER and he wont acknowledge that and then will find ways to upset me, ie: divorce and custody.
no I dont want either of those things to be issues but I need to stop being afraid to upset him. I just dont know if Im supposed to reach out to him since he said to "let him know when he can see her" or just wait it out
Last edited by Cadet; 09/11/1812:27 PM. Reason: combine posts
Being faced with the possibility of divorce and dealing with custody suks. There is no doubt about that.
Let's talk about fear. I believe many LBS find themselves in a fog of fear at the beginning. Been there, done that. I made some costly mistakes operating like that.
What are you afraid of that is not already reality? For all intents and purposes, a legal divorce would not be any different than your current sitch. At the moment, he is emotionally divorced from you and is seeing someone else. Your only obligation to him, is to co-parent and come up with a schedule for seeing your D.
Most the time our fear is worse than reality and it can cause us to make regretful decisions.
If you are going to respond, send him the schedule. Sadly, you have to think from a legal standpoint right now. Demonstrate that you are fair. Like was previously mentioned to you, document everything.
You can say something like, "H, it is important to me that you spend time with D. I am proposing this schedule." Provide him the schedule. Then the ball is in his court. Something simple and to the point.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Ok thanks. I will do something like that. I just want to put it out there to him that I’m not keeping her away from him bc I’m angry and upset. I don’t want her in the middle in any way and I know he will make those accusations and that is my fear. Because he says things and then acts like because he says it they’re true. And it’s very frustrating and it makes me feel like crap
I sent telling him I’d like us to make a schedule for the eeek that works for both of us and to let me know when he is free to do so.
It’s been 20 mins and no response, which isn’t like him. This whole day isn’t like him to not reach out. Ughhh I feel sick. And I’m sure he’s just at the bar, of course my mind runs wild with where he is. But I get more scared he isn’t reaching out because he filed today or something.
I hate this.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/11/1812:28 PM. Reason: combine posts
Breath. You sent that message with expectations of him responding. Now you are disappointed. You'll have to work on not having expectations.
You sent it. Let it be for now. No big deal.
What are your plans for the evening?
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
He just responded “I miss her. I’ll come by tomorrow if it is allowed”
Why wouldn’t he come by tonight? He’s with OW. I know it and now I’m so disgusted all over again. I know that’s where he is. He is so gross. I’m tempted to tell him to come by now just because I know he will have to make up an excuse. What do you suggest?
He’s never going to hit rock bottom as long as he is OW there building his ego and making him feel good and giving him an emotional outlet. It’s like he will never even notice the loss of me as long as he has someone else there filling my spot. Isn’t that true?
You are doing well. Leave it alone for now. You are trying to control the situation.
I totally get that you want him to feel your pain. It isn't going to happen with you trying to get him to make excuses or lie.
Right now, you are on different paths. Take the high road.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
