Why pursue? Why tell her about changes? Let her find out and see for herself. You telling her shows her that you're sucking up and trying to get her back. Why would she come back to you when she already knows you're there waiting in the wings?
I am a big fan of yours and your progress, but quit chasing the woman who doesn't want you. Let her feel a loss, she certainly didn't mind putting you through hell.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
You need to detach some more, you need to detach in fact. Remember DB is for you, expect nothing and act as if you expect nothing. Be some misterious, GAL, as Over says, she must feel some kind of loss. You are waiting for some short term signals, just don’t. Let her go if you want her back. Be strong pain!
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
I know nef/ovr, I'm still working on that part. I don't know if it's going slower than usual or if the progress I'm making is normal. I'm on Day 46/127 of DBing, so I don't really know where other DBing folks would be at this point. I feel like I'm a little behind, seeing as how I'm making the changes for myself and seeing/feeling those changes. I'm mostly doing it for myself, but I am longing for W to notice as well (according to DB coach, nothing wrong with longing for this). I can see how I'm trying to force her to take notice, which isn't detaching.
I guess I'm getting a little impatient when in reality I know that I'm still deep and working on getting to true detachment.
Still, I can't help but think of the strong signs she continues to give. Her walls are still up, and I guess I'm temp-checking her in a way. So I should stop that as well?
Still, I can't help but think of the strong signs she continues to give. Her walls are still up, and I guess I'm temp-checking her in a way. So I should stop that as well?
YES
WASs/WSs have a sixth sense for telling if you are making changes for real, or if you are just doing it to manipulate them. So do the former and not the latter. How? By making the changes for yourself! Make sure you are sticking to your changes when someone can see you and when they can't! Real change is change you make when no one else is looking. It is just like if you were an alcoholic. Stopping drinking in front of others isn't sobriety. Stopping drinking ALL THE TIME is sobriety.
So be consistent,
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Still, I can't help but think of the strong signs she continues to give. Her walls are still up, and I guess I'm temp-checking her in a way. So I should stop that as well?
YES
WASs/WSs have a sixth sense for telling if you are making changes for real, or if you are just doing it to manipulate them. So do the former and not the latter. How? By making the changes for yourself! Make sure you are sticking to your changes when someone can see you and when they can't! Real change is change you make when no one else is looking. It is just like if you were an alcoholic. Stopping drinking in front of others isn't sobriety. Stopping drinking ALL THE TIME is sobriety.
So be consistent,
I'm proud to say that I'm behaving like this to everyone, Steve. The changes are taking hold and I'm feeling them. I feel like a new person each day and I'm loving myself more and more. I know this is not an act because I'm not acting. If I were acting, I wouldn't feel as great as I do now. Many people are seeing and acknowledging changes, without having me ask them. I just need to keep up my good work.
Still, I can't help but think of the strong signs she continues to give. Her walls are still up, and I guess I'm temp-checking her in a way. So I should stop that as well?
YES
WASs/WSs have a sixth sense for telling if you are making changes for real, or if you are just doing it to manipulate them. So do the former and not the latter. How? By making the changes for yourself! Make sure you are sticking to your changes when someone can see you and when they can't! Real change is change you make when no one else is looking. It is just like if you were an alcoholic. Stopping drinking in front of others isn't sobriety. Stopping drinking ALL THE TIME is sobriety.
So be consistent,
I'm proud to say that I'm behaving like this to everyone, Steve. The changes are taking hold and I'm feeling them. I feel like a new person each day and I'm loving myself more and more. I know this is not an act because I'm not acting. If I were acting, I wouldn't feel as great as I do now. Many people are seeing and acknowledging changes, without having me ask them. I just need to keep up my good work.
Awesome! CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
