Ya I had a feeling he was seeing her, but proof of its certainty changes everything, because now I KNOW he is. And when he leaves here its where hes going most of the time Im sure and thats enough to make me absolutely sick.
I know I need to let go, detach, move on, let him go to get him back. Thats all I want. I would never date a man like him right now if I met him and saw him from this light. But I can only imagine what he is telling OW. As if hes just a hrd working man trying to leave his wife who is still in love with him and as if im making it hard for him to see our D or something when he knows thats absolutely not the case.
But i think sometimes he starts to believe his own BS. In doing what I did last night I would like to SHOW him I am only focused on him having a relationship with her at this time. I will do my best in that capacity but that I dont want to discuss our R. (which of course I do, but I want him to think I dont.)
Ugh. This is going to be a very long day. He should be here around 6ish and its like ive had 2 days of not seeing him and im excited to see him and sad about seeing him and heartbroken and so many things all at once. I hate this.
I know I need to let go, detach, move on, let him go to get him back. Thats all I want. I would never date a man like him right now if I met him and saw him from this light. But I can only imagine what he is telling OW. As if hes just a hrd working man trying to leave his wife who is still in love with him and as if im making it hard for him to see our D or something when he knows thats absolutely not the case.
You aren't dealing with a truthful, person with a basis in reality. Waywards lie just because. And they make their reality whatever fits their needs at the moment. Here is the thing: you know the truth. He doesn't.
Here is some more truth for you: legally he didn't have to move out. You could scream yell insist, etc, but he didn't have to leave. Leaving looks really bad for him in the courts eyes. He will go in and say whatever he can to try to persuade a court that he deserves 50/50 custody, but TRUTH will prove him wrong.
So don't worry about his lies. You know the TRUTH!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve. I definitely do know the truth. And I cant help but feel like deep down he does too. But I dont even know anymore
Do you think in time we can get back to where we were just 2 days ago, where it seemed like he felt remorse and wanted to to spend more time with me? Or am I grasping at straws. Today feels WAY harder than things have felt in a while
Last edited by Cadet; 09/13/1811:19 AM. Reason: combine posts
I think that is part of it also. I felt like I had the power for a little bit and now I feel like its gone. Even though in the big scheme of things, I do think I have some power, ever since finding out about OW I feel absolutely hopeless, like a little victim and he just feels sorry for me or something. I dont want that, nor do I have any reason to think that. If anything my words to him have been strong and assertive.
I dont know. today is definitely a down day. I hope I can feel some power soon.
Victimhood is one of DBing's biggest enemies. Really fight to not play the victim or feel like a victim. Victims are out of control of themselves. They have no power. You are in control. You have complete control and power over yourself. So use that control and power!
Keep GAL. Keep 180ing. Keep detaching. Keep reading the book and the resources here. I would read Cade'ts links every day!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Ya I will have to read them everyday. Any suggestions for putting a goal in place for my night, just to make it through without a breakdown while he is here. I just had one in the car. A few actually, im sure other drivers were looking at me like i was crazy.
Your suggestion for keeping a song in my heart has helped. When hes here I focus on a song and kind of do what I need to do. I am thinking when he gets here around 6ish I will leave and either go to the gym or to get a massage. stay out of the house for about an hour and a half, 2 hours. Then come home around the babys bedtime and tell him im getting into bed, which is his cue to leave.
I should be cordial correct?I go back and forth on if I should even say a word to him. But I feel like being cordial is my best bet. Any suggestions welcome
Friendly, but detached. He is the cashier at the store. You treat them with kindness but do not over share. Listen and validate. Do not get into telling him about your day, things going on, etc. Remember, and air of mystery is your friend.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
.... I am the type of person who likes to play my music loud and decorate the house for holidays, and do fun things and have people over and go out and do stuff...
These are the things to do. These are what DBing is about. Get out of your head.
Do you know this song: Five Finger Death Punch - The Bleeding
Quote
I remember when all the games began Remember every little lie And every last goodbye Promises you broke, words you choked on And I never walked away.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Okay I will do that. He gets very comfortable here, which I understand. And he will lay on the floor with us or just sit on the couch and he usually falls asleep with the baby on the couch. He might not be as comfortable tonight as this will be our first time seeing one another since I found out about OW. I wonder if he thinks I believe him when he says there is no one else. Or maybe he is ready to admit it now.
