Husband Cheated, left, trying DB 2

[Ready2Change]

I will take your advice, ignore what he says, and continue dressing however makes me feel good.

This is DBing.

[Ready2Change]

I feel very good about where I am body wise, and I am showing off more than I used to. Wearing tighter clothes, shorts, but also knowing I look good and exuding confidence, because every other aspect of my life feels like its falling apart.

And so is this!

[Ready2Change]

.... I posted a picture on fb and made a quick comment about how 6 months post partum I am almost where I would like to be and feeling strong and that I have a cute running partner (had a pic of the baby).Many people commented and complimented me and it felt really nice to get that boost and stay motivated. ...

As well as this

[kech]

Okay so he just got to our house. I didn’t realize he was there and I was breastfeeding the baby in the tv room. When he walked in I quickly covered up, which I normally would not do in front of him, and said I didn’t realize he was there.

He immediately went into the bathroom and washed his face or something and then came back out, the baby smiled at him, and he walked away with her and I realized he was crying. He kept hiding his face from me and went into her nursery. I remained upbeat, as if I didn’t notice. Not sure if that’s what I am supposed to do but my only other option is to ask if he’s okay, to which he would say yes and be annoyed most likely so my 180 is to say nothing about it. I continued doing what I was doing in the kitchen and then said I was going to head out.

His eyes were swollen from crying and still watering, so I kissed the baby goodbye and said I’d be home around 8:15, is that cool? He shook his head ya, almost annoyed and that was it.

I’m SO confused yet again. Just last night he’s thanking me for all of this and how I’m handling it and then today he seems annoyed, sad, borderline mad at me. I do not get it. I feel like the sadness comes from him seeing the baby and realizing he’s missing out, but why does he seem so frustrated with me all of a sudden? He’s literally like a rollercoaster of emotions Around us but will then leave and go to OW bc these are HIS choices. Why am I getting the brunt of it bc HE chose to entertain other women? What’s with the crying? Is this him trying to bait me to feel bad for him? I don’t.

[Ready2Change]

...and he walked away with her and I realized he was crying. He kept hiding his face from me and went into her nursery. I remained upbeat, as if I didn’t notice. Not sure if that’s what I am supposed to do but my only other option is to ask if he’s okay, to which he would say yes and be annoyed most likely so my 180 is to say nothing about it...

I believe you did the right thing by being consistent in your 180.



I wish you had a strong DB woman here to chime in.

[kech]

I do too. I’d love to get advice from Bluwave but I don’t know that she’s still on the boards.

Any idea what’s up with the emotions? How can he be so emotional like he’s going through so much hurt when IM THE ONE finding out about OW? He’s deflecting, and he’s feeling bad for himself, and the minute he leaves our house he will be fine I’m sure. Out of site out of mind.

I just can’t fathom how he is acting annoyed with me, crying, and I’m upbeat, when he’s literally seeing someone else and has made all of this happen. What in the world is his mindset

[kech]

How has he turned this like he’s some victim here? That’s how he’s acting and that’s how he wants me to treat him. Like he’s some victim not getting to live in the same home with his child, when HES SEEING SOMEONE ELSE. This is manipulation at its finest. His emotions may be genuine but my God he has NO CLUE how my heartbreak feels. Wow

[Dtrmned]

Hey Kech,
Still a newbie here and I do follow what is going on. You have some strong support on here.
Here is what I think:
You cannot worry, think, contemplate, mind read, or anything of the sort on what your H is thinking or doing right now. He may be just fine when he leaves, or he may be just miserable as well. Who knows, and I've read this a few times and I have been told this many times on here:

It does not matter!

The longer you dwell on him, the longer this will take. You concentrate on you and your new baby! Be the BEST Kech you can be. Your H sees nothing but happiness and you at your best. Keep doing your GAL, this is good because it keeps your mind off of your situation. If you read through mine, you can see I was dwelling on everything that was happening, everything that might/could happen and there were those imaginary things in my head that were happening only in my head that I was worried about. You know what it changed: Absolutely Nothing!

I still have bad days. Sometimes many bad days in a row. But I can feel myself detaching and not worrying so much. There will always be things while you are in this state that will set you off onto the emotional roller coaster. When the real ones come, be prepared. Don't show any negative reactions. Take a breath. If you need to get out of the situation as quickly as you can, regroup and then respond (if a response if even needed, sometimes the best response is to do nothing. VERY hard for us LBS to do but this needs to become your "goto" response. Nothing).

Keep your head high, show him what he is giving up! Be the lighthouse.

As with everyone on here, I wish you the best.

[kech]

Justsad, thanks so much for the support. I know you’re right. It’s so hard to not wonder where the h*ll his head is when I’m barely making it through the day I’m so sad and then he comes in the house like he’s some victim of all of this. HE CHOSE ALL OF THIS.

It’s absurd. But I will continue being the lighthouse, continue faking that I’m at my best because I’m absolutely at my worst.

[LITB]

Hey Kech,

You have gotten some amazing advice.....and you did a great job tonight utilizing you DB'ing skills.

I know it is difficult not to wonder what he is thinking, but all the mind reading in the world will not provide you with any answers. The truth is, nobody knows what he is thinking, including himself.