I got home from my massage a bit ago and him and the baby were asleep on the couch. I showered quickly and then told him I would put her in her crib, his cue to leave.
He was literally going to walk out the door without even saying bye! I said “cya” in a nice tone and he goes “cya” all miserable and rude. I am so not understanding his way of thinking if he feels like he has any leg to stand on being rude and weird to me as if I’ve done something wrong. He’s trying to deflect because he KNOWS he’s the one doing something wrong (seeing someone) and he’s afraid I’ll bring it up and he wants to avoid it by being sad, playing the victim, and being on the defense.
Too bad I won’t be bringing it up. And yet again he showered here while I was gone. I have yet to tell him that’s not ok anymore. You guys are right, I don’t know what he’s rhinking or feeling and maybe neither does he, but I just feel like the pain I’m having to endure just keeps getting passed over because he doesn’t want to acknowledge anything he’s done wrong.
When I left for the massage I saw that his hamper and all the clothes I left outside for him on Sunday are all still in his truck. I think he’s feeling bad for himself bc he doesn’t have a steady home yet. But maybe if he stopped sleeping at some girls house he could take the time to find one of his own. Who knows. I’d die if he moved in with her.
Like I’ve said, mornings are the worst for me, so I really dread the morning time tomorrow, and most of the day to be honest. But I seem to be okay at night. I get to cuddle the baby and clear my head a bit. Day by Day, hour by hour
So, some new developments this morning and I am just as confused as ever.
I will write our text exchange below. I was doing okay and he pulled me in a bit, but im trying to have a mixture of sticking up for myself, while validating.
H:How is she sleeping W: Up last night for a bit then good H:ok H: whats your plans this weekend with our daughter W: Just plans Saturday during the day. W:is there a reason you're all of a sudden being like this towards me? H: ill take her off your hands during the night if thats ok H: No reason to discuss it W:Ok. That works Sat night H: Any personal [censored] doesnt need to come between me seeing her so i'd rather just keep my problems to myself. H: Like you said, we dont need to communicate for anything besides her W: Agreed. Just hope we can be nice to one another while communicating about her H: Im not being mean. I just dont have anything to say to you..Im upset thats all there is. H: Have a good day and ill be by later to spend time with her W: ok you too H: Bye H: I'd appreciate the stroller and car seat when you leave me alone with her W: ok H: We need to sit down and fill out dissolution of marriage H: Maybe next week W: ok H: Alright H: Keep your new shorts style to yourself please, that sh*t erks my nerves. H: Just a reminder I dont f*cking need H: At least until I dont have to be at your house when im seeing the baby H: Do whatever you want out with your friends just not in front of me W: Youre literally seeing someone else, please stop being like this towards me. I'll refrain from shorts around you. Have a good day. H: Im not seeing anybody, and you obviously are too H:8 years you never tried to look sexy for me, now???? It isnt for me, someones gotta be telling you too..F*CK THAT W: Or maybe its I just had a baby 6 months ago and feel really good and confident about my body H: Yea, like I said, 8 years and I never gave you confidence. Makes a man feel more insufficient. W: Im sorry if thats how it makes you feel. I didnt think of it that way. I will really refrain from the shorts around you H: Thanks
He is SO angry with me! BUT HE IS SEEING SOMEONE! What am I missing here? It makes no sense. And now he wants to fill out the divorce paperwork next week. What a start to the day.
We were getting along perfectly well before I called him out on the OW Saturday night. And now all of a sudden im this awful person hes so upset with?!
Sorry to hear that. Your H sounds off his rocker. You need to let him be, and let him get his sh#t together because it clearly isn't right now. Remember not to believe a word he says and only half of what he does. WAS say stupid things all the time.
However, I would urge you not to engage with him like that. Don't ask him why he is being like that. Just keep you responses, short, informational, and to the point. Most of your replies are like that and it is good. I wouldn't ask him any questions about his feelings or the R. That is a form of pursuit and puts pressure on him.
When he goes off on you about wearing shorts, just don't respond. Nothing in there warrants a response, and you don't want to let him know that you got worked up about it.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Ya, I know youre right, and at first I didnt respond to any of the shorts stuff, but then I felt like I am probably supposed to stick up for myself a bit. He is DATING someone, continues to deny it, and then has the audacity to get angry with me.
He seems confused right? Because he seems lost to me
kech, I would not have brought up how he is behaving. Let him sulk. I also wouldn't agree to change your dress for him.
Cheaters ALWAYS project. So many of the sitches here where the cheating WAS blames the LBS of seeing someone. And as I told you, they all lie an deny. Lying is easy for someone that is so morally bankrupt that the would sleep with someone else than their spouse who they are supposed to be committed to.
Remember......listen and validate. On texts, answer direct questions with as few words as possible. Yes or no get yes or no answers. Texts that are informational do not need a response.
He got what he wanted. He was being surly with you to invoke a response. You should not have given him the satisfaction.
No worries, just get back up on the DB horse. Oh, and next time you see him have your sexiest shorts possible on.
One other thing. Remember mysterious is your friend. As he gets more curious as to where you go and what you are doing the more he will try to be around. It is a first, very minor step towards potentially wanting to R. If he truly didn't care he wouldn't be accusing you of seeing someone, etc.
Last edited by Cadet; 09/13/1807:27 PM. Reason: combine posts
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve, I literally thought of you as I was responding and AS SOON as I said "is there a reason youre being this way towards me" I knew it was a mistake. So then I immediately went to short answers "ok", ignoring his general statements, even "ok" to his dissolution comment ugh.
Such nerve he has telling me how to dress when hes off with some other woman. Amazes me. And him saying the whole thing about not needing another reminder..I dont really know what he meant by that. maybe reminding him ive made all types of changes now that hes out the door or something..? Im not sure, but i didnt ask.
I see that he's reeling. But I hope he doesnt really just go through with a divorce in his angry state like this. I guess we will be crossing that discussion next week.
ugh.