DB / Detach- Will we ever piece it together

[ovrrnbw]

Did,

don't let yourself get into arguments with her. You are clearly too attached to her. Keep her at arm's length. And a late night phone convo b/c she's drunk? C'mon man, aren't you tired from all the fun you're having? You should be...

That would go so much further than anything else you're doing.

[Did]

Thanks guys. Ovr I have had my daughter a lot so tough to go out and have fun late night with a 8pm bedtime. But yea I understand I need to not talk to her / see her / be attached etc. Im on it.

[ovrrnbw]

Yea I know your daughter comes first. I was just saying you need to be getting a life, and if you're doing that regularly then you might be too tired to have a late night phone convo.

You're getting better at this so just keep trucking.

[Did]

Doesn’t feel like getting better just feels like too late. Earlier today I went to her house with D4 after school to get the dog. I sat apart from her for the most part relaxed stretched out. Did not try to get close and just let her have time with D4. Who she says she misses so much. She asked if I was ok a few times. I just smiled and said yes. She has told me I’m doing a great job with D4 a few times recently. D4 did not want to leave my side to be with W. Weird times. All I want is W to see it all and be like oh sh*t what a great guy who can support me have fun communicate a great dad. But I guess for her to see it and want it she has to lose it first. I get it. We want what we can’t have. So I’m out.

[Did]

Steve- Found this. I hate limbo. But this is good perspective.

I hated limbo. There were times I wanted to blow everything up because I hated limbo so much. Then a DB vet here told me that "limbo is the gift of time". Changed my whole perspective. You have to have patience. Let the process work, and stop doing things that hurt your sitch.

I am back to DBing. Not responding much. W had test for her job today said she thinks she failed... of course. I have been supportive and primary caretaker for D4 the last 10 days or so. But now trying to fully committed to DB / LRT.

W facetimes me just now. Which we have agreed to do 1x per day to talk to D4 around dinner or just before dinner time. Says oh did you get a haricut it looks really.... stops. Doesnt want to compliment me... kind of think bitc* is crazy. She mentions I dont do anything in response to my upcoming plans- work meetings, new business opportunities, alumni game tomorrow, to NY next week. Hawaii next month. I wanted to say well is that the life you want because my lifes great and getting better... but I held back.

I will not be paying support until W decides to talk and give clear decisive info on what she wants. She has said IDK for 15 months. If she wants to D we go to mediation and figure out support with attorney. If she wants to talk about R then we can have a positive interaction and I am willing to pay support if she chooses to work on our MR.

I am on the lease for her rental... may be open to paying just the rent which is $1000 less than Im paying now that would likely be child support.

Just a quick update. Off to the gym.

[Did]

W facetimes this morning, didnt answer called back an hour later. After D4 lost interest we talked a little. Shes feeling sick, time of month, cramps needs to workout cuz it helps her feel better. I wanted to help of course NGS, but mentioned having boundaries since were separated. She says she understands and I didnt need to come down but thinks we should help each other just to have a coparent relationship and that she always tries to be flexible. D4 wanted attention so we said we'd talk next week.

Need to discuss change in support.
D4 schedule consistency, potentially getting babysitter.

Id like to discuss if she wants to spend time together but Im not going to ask any of those questions. If she wants to shell say so, right?

The unfortunate fact is I still love her. And Im not as detached as Id like to be. Going to try to talk to her less, see her less until she chooses to talk. Not going to push it.

[SteveLW]

I am on the lease for her rental... may be open to paying just the rent which is $1000 less than Im paying now that would likely be child support.

Bad decisions have a way of coming back to haunt you. You SHOULD NOT have cosigned for her lease. Terrible decision. So unless you want to ruin your credit, yep, you'll have to cover her rent. SMH

[Did]

She has great credit also. And money from our house sale so she would likely pay her rent anyway.

[LITB]

She has great credit also. And money from our house sale so she would likely pay her rent anyway.

Not quite understanding why you would need to be on her lease if she has great credit and money.

Did....why do you think you did it?

[Did]

When she was looking for rentals our house hadn’t sold yet. We hadn’t split finances yet. I also was trying to buy time at that point we had done mediation and were going to divorce. When she moved and I started paying her support she relaxed and we were able to get along. Getting free money makes it pretty easy I guess. I talked to the landlord about getting off the lease... I may be able to do that because she now has money. But still 0 income.

Had an alumni game back at college last night where W and I both went to school. Other guys kids on the sideline, wives there showing fam pictures and stuff. Tough.

Have been barely talking to W. Miss her a lot. I’ve been thinking about hypothetical futures too much. Haven’t been showing her any of that side. Damn it’s hard.

W has recently started to compliment me on hair / looks but catches herself. Has hung out when picking up D4. Maybe like picnic analogy. Maybe I should tell her I have to go and not be available when she picks up.

Want her to see me as the guy she’d be a fool to leave. Going to keep at it. Thanks for support