Kech. No. I would just let it play out as you had in the first scenario. If he comes, he comes, if he doesn't, he doesn't. Don't get so wrapped up in his thoughts because even he doesn't know what he is thinking and doing therefore he has no idea what he is saying/texting. If you hang on his every word he will know. Trust me on this one. As a LBS I hung on every word, nuance, mood, whatever to get a "read" on my W. A lot of wasted time and energy. Your H wants to make sure you are still on the hook, the only way to show him you are not is to detach.
Work on you!
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
Just sad, thanks for the quick response. I won’t say anything more and just see if he shows. I know him so well. I knew immediately by things he said last night that he planned to skip tonight, he is so predictable with his lies and BS!!
He is ABSOLUTELY off with OW and knows he will not be able to be here by 8, or knows he is drinking too much and it will be obvious to me. He has had no intention of coming all day, I will be very surprised if he shows.
How do people get through this?! Knowing your H is making plans with OW and CHOOSING her over his family. How the he’ll do people get through that?! This is torture that he is putting me through and he doesn’t even know because he truly thinks I believe his lies! He thinks that i think he’s working!! And I KNOW HES NOT. I’m so disgusted with this person it is so sad my heart won’t let go.
Ready 2change, I would love to face my fears. But wow he is tearing my heart in 2 every single day!
The link takes you to page 50....Ya, there are 50 posts listed per page and 321 page..... Browse this wise mans advice..He guided many back to a reconciled marriage.
Here is a link to a wise man that got his wife back: Coach
Originally Posted by Coach
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I randomly picked one of his posts. Have you heard Steve tell you this:
Originally Posted by Coach
Your H controls you by getting upset. You trained him that for him to get his way all he has to do is get upset/sad/angry and you will get right in line. You will defer your own feelings to suck up to him. You are not responsible for his feelings.
When I return:
I hope to hear that you have spoken with several lawyers. I hope to hear less mention of H and his behavior. I hope to hear H is no longer welcome in you home. I hope to hear the you told MIL the name of OW and that there is no hope in save your marriage if H is involved with OW. I hope to hear that H is EXTREMELY angry that you told MIL the TRUTH about his behavior before he spins her lies as well.
I wish you well this week. My thoughts will be with you, and I will pray for you and your family during this most difficult time.
You can handle this.
HUGS
R2C
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Kech, I'm not going to lie. This [censored]. The only way for you to get some breathing room is to detach and not dwell on everything. R2C said a couple of posts ago about "The hard path is the easy path". The easy road is to allow him to dominate the space in your head all the time. The hard path is to detach, work on yourself, make yourself the spouse only a fool would leave and then if he comes back great, if not, you and your D will move on to the next chapter. I know this isn't what you want to hear, we all are here to save our MR. One of the first things I was told and have read that if you don't detach, you have an almost zero chance of saving your MR. You have to decide if you take the easy way or the hard way. Either way you will move forward.
M51 W44 T21 M18 D14 S11 BD date 9/17 W filed 02/18 W withdrew petition following week In house separation 03/18 In Limbo and DB'ing since 03/18 W is moving out by mid Nov 2018 A drawing up paperwork 11/18
Thank you R2c, I will look into those posts. Coach’s statement about H being mad to get what he wants, woah. That’s very interesting! I’m saving that. . I appreciate how much help you’ve provided me through this. Before I lose you for 10 days, what would your suggestion be if he texts me tonight to say he won’t be able to make it to see D?
Thank you R2c, I will look into those posts. Coach’s statement about H being mad to get what he wants, woah. That’s very interesting! I’m saving that. . I appreciate how much help you’ve provided me through this. Before I lose you for 10 days, what would your suggestion be if he texts me tonight to say he won’t be able to make it to see D?
Lots of choices:
1) Perfect
2)I am sorry to hear that.
3) OK
Save this one to say after he "Cancels" his obligations MULTIPLE TIMES: 4)When you say you want to spend time with daughter and continually make other things more of a priority in your life......
Or the best:
Wait until it is the time he is to be there: W:"Where are you? You said you would be here at X:XX" H:BLA BLA BLA texted you earlier W"O sorry, I didn't see that. I was busy"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Ok that last one is great too! Just wasn’t sure if no response is the best response or if I should say something. So disgusted with him right now making plans with OW and pretending he isn’t and trying to put his lack of parenting ON ME by having me say no. Which I’m not doing. He is such a fool. Such a fool.
