It’s hard when you love someone not to think about how what he says affects you and how what you say affects him.
I don’t suspect he’s expecting a reaction from you. Probably just going about his merry ol’ selfish way. Either way, there’s no way for you to know. So focus on what you can control. Seems like you’re already getting better at that.
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
I just came home to feed the baby. He’s being miserable towards me, weird. He just asked if I still have the printer here, I said yes, and he said next time he’s here he needs to print out some paperwork.
Meaning, the dissolution of marriage paperwork. I wonder how many more jabs he will get in today.
He’s seeiously being horrible to me and I don’t understand why. He was mad at me and then started being nicer and now all of a sudden today he wants to be this way again. He sent me a pic of him and the baby earlier, he was smiling, it was such a sweet pic. And then he said the thing about out of town, I said ok. And now it’s straight misery. I come home, he barely says 2 Words. I ask if she’s seemed hungry, he said she’s been asleep a lot and that he fed her sweet potatoes twice. I said ok I needed to either come feed her or pump so I can just pump.
So I get the pump and go to leave and say bye and he says “so you’re not going to feed her?” And I said oh! I can. And he says no it’s fine I’ll handle it. And I said no it’s ok I’ll feed her.
Took her into the bedroom to feed her. He says the printer thing. I said ok nicely. I finish feeding and he’s in the kitchen making himself food. I say to him the pic he sent earlier was cute. He nods and says nothing. I go put her down on the floor to play and I’m getting ready to leave and I ask if he has any time suggestions for me to be back, he nods his head no and I said “alrighty. Well y’all have fun” and I left. It’s like literally EVERYTHING I do pisses him off. I feed her, I don’t feed her, the clothes I wear, me leaving, me being there. I don’t even know anymore! What does he want from me?! I’ve given him all this freedom that he wanted and he acts like I’m the bad guy for not letting him live at our house. I let him see the baby whenever he wants and he treats me like crap. I’m pleasant, I’m polite, I’m not on his ass, I let him have his time with the baby without me in his hair. I make my own plans for those times.
I’m even about to have a divorce discussion with him this week when ITS NOT WHAT I WANT AT ALL! He thinks we can just sign paperwork and be done. I’m going to sit down with him and let him take the reigns and I’m going to see what he wants our next move to be and then I will decide how to react. Steve has said that anger means he still cares. And I agree with that. But it certainly makes this process miserable. You’d think he would be nice to me considering he knows he’s about to flip my world upside down yet again with this divorce discussion.
Do not bring up D. Make him do it. Likely he is trying to force your hand. Typical WAS behavior. Try to get to The LBS to do the dirty work. Then they can say you divorced them.
Let him bring it up. Let him print the papers. Put all the work on him. In the meantime get a lawyer.
Last edited by Steve85; 09/16/1808:14 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I’m definitely not bringing up divorce at all. He can take control of that whole discussion.
I just asked him if he minded when I get back if I work on a few things while he’s with the baby. He responded
H: sure H: I can leave H: this is your house
I responded: “ I just meant it would be nice to have an extra pair of hands while I work on a few orders.” (I have an Etsy shop and have some orders to get done). He responds
H: yea, it’s not work it’s a hobby
I didn’t respond. I don’t even know what his intention of saying that is. This is becoming ridiculous on his end.
Trying to give advice while my sitch deteriorates so take it with a grain of salt, pot calling the kettle black, etc.
This looks to me like an opportunity to define a boundary. I’m not good at those, so others should jump in and help out. But I think it would be something along the lines of, “H, when you call my work a hobby, I feel hurt. It does bring in some money, which helps our family. In the future I’d like for you to call it what I call it: work. If you can’t do that, I understand, but I will also have to ask you to leave the house.”
Maybe?
Edit: either that, or don’t take the bait and leave the room. He does seem like he’s baiting you.
Last edited by burned; 09/16/1809:13 PM. Reason: added
H: 35 W: 33 M: 11 T: 13
4/10/18: I discovered A and confronted ("BD1") 6/23/18: I moved out 8/31/18: MC ends ("BD2")
Burned. That would have been a good response but I never responded to him. I went and hung out with a friend and an hour later he texted me saying “why don’t you find somewhere else to stay tonight and I’ll stay with the baby”
Has he lost his mind?
I said “I’m on my way home it’s ok” and he said “I’m serious”.
I got home and was pleasant to him, he barely said anything and then left. I do NOT know what is going on with him but I do know the divorce convo is happening this week and he is in complete fight mode. It’s absurd.
Sounds good. He didn't deserve a response. He is trying to get you angry and fighting so he feels justified in his rush to D. Good on you for getting out of the house and GALing with a friend.
You handled the staying over convo well also. He is clearly trying to cake-eat and you just won't let him have any of that. When he tries to fight, just don't engage him. Validate when you can, but not when he is acting like that.
If he wants a D, you can't control it, but let him do the work.
W 34 Me 42 Married 7 years together 8 0 kids 1 beloved dog BD 4/6/2018 I moved out 4/7/2018 I moved back in alone 8/05/2018 I file 3/06/2019 D official 5/7/2019
Davide, thank you. He hasn’t brought up divorce in forever until last week when I called him out about OW. He’s denied it, but has been livid at me ever since and now wants us to sign dissolution of marriage paperwork. I told him throughout this last year that I do not want a divorce but that I will not stop him from going through with it or stand in his way at all.
Today his anger was literally through the roof. I cannot comprehend this!! He is SO upset with me and I don’t even know what I’ve done, and now he’s going into this divorce with such a horrible outlook of anger and the custody convo is going to just make things horrific. I cannot believe he is being this way! We promised each other this whole year if we ever got to this point we would always handle it together and do this right, and he’s being completely awful to me as if IM doing this to him!! I truthfully cannot wrap my head around this. I have not read about any LBS (yet) that’s WS becomes THIS angry towards them when they finally start to GAL, 180, etc.
I just don’t understand and I know I’m not going to and I’m not supposed to, but he’s about to make both our lives completely horrible even more than they already are just bc of this anger and pride or something. I feel like I’m in a bad movie. Like he wants reactions from me he isn’t getting so he’s going to make my life as horrible as possible in the meantime until our family completely crumbles. I will never understand this way of thinking.
