Kech, here is the thing. He is moody because his life suchs right now. So he is going to swing emotionally. Being surly and mean was getting him no where. He probably took note of that and decided a different approach. Or he was pleasant because he wanted to find out if you had told your family.
I wrote a post two days ago in someone else's thread (I'll try to find it) on why it is best NOT to tell anyone about your sitch (meaning anyone that you both know). So I think you handled this properly.
Also, I am sure the "pay off my own truck and get my own place" thing was bait, to see how'd you'd react. You did pretty well. though I agree saying that about an OW was probably the wrong thing. Even if he lives separate from her doesn't mean she won't be there most of the time, especially when he'd have the baby there. So it is kind of a fruitless fight to have. If and when that time comes, I am sorry to tell you, there will be little you can do about any of that anyway. Unless the OW is a convicted child molester there isn't much you can say even if he did live with her.
Well done overall.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve! Glad to know you think I handled it ok. He may think him getting his own place would upset me but it doesn’t. I don’t think! I guess I will soon find out how I feel about it. No control there. But I definitely didn’t let on that it affected me in anyway.
I know us living apart right now is necessary regardless so that’s all I can control. He continues to make it clear he is staying at his best friends house, and his mentioning it so often is what makes me pretty certain he is lying. But, his choice! Trying to stop-thought when it comes to OW and just get through my days focused on other things.
I noticed you said he is moody because his life suchs right now. I hope you are right about that, because in my head all I feel is like his life is pretty great right now with OW. It helps to think its not all rainbows and butterflies.
I noticed you said he is moody because his life suchs right now. I hope you are right about that, because in my head all I feel is like his life is pretty great right now with OW. It helps to think its not all rainbows and butterflies.
yep, just talked to burned about the same thing.
Let's see:
1) He has no permanent place to live. 2) He is trying to juggle OW with D and LBW. 3) He is facing the prospect of D, and all of the time and cost and energy that entails. 4) He has to face telling his family, and you telling your family.
There is a lot of reasons his life is very far less than perfect right now. Remember, I believe you are dealing with a wayward here. Waywards what their cake and eat it too. They want to project the image to others of marital bliss, while going off and doing what they want to do (party, drink, and have As). You kicking him out took his cake away.
I wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
This is very true. I sure wish he would wake up and see all the things we are missing out on experiencing TOGETHER with our new baby. Its so crazy, and he just has NO idea how much fun we could be having. A*shole.
When I was in my early 20s, a friend of mine dated 2 girls at once. And even juggled a third for a short time. I remember some of us guys hanging out with him one time. We all were telling him how he was our hero and how he was living every guy's dream at having multiple GFs.
I'll never forget his response:
"You guys have no idea how exhausting this is. And how mentally and emotionally draining it is. You are always trying to keep them both happy, you have to field questions about where you were when you were with the other one, and you live in fear of them finding out about each other. It isn't the dream you all seem to think it is."
I've told that story to many people over the years that were contemplating a similar arrangement. Trust me, the pressures he is facing are not something one wishes for.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks for that. I have told him I do already know about OW, even though he denies it. And I havent brought it up since then. So I think hes under the impression he has pulled the wool over my eyes, but he hasnt. I am aware of what he is doing, I just dont say anything. He is crazy to have OW right under the nose of our friends and family. Makes me think he could care less, but then he lies and denies it. Who knows.
Question about this subject, I brought up knowing about the OW last Saturday, when I first found out. like I said he denied it and may think he has me fooled. Do I continue bringing up OW so he is aware I dont believe his crap, or do I not bring it up at all? Im thinking I dont bring it up at all, as I am not supposed to be worrying about her. Just curious if I let him think hes got me fooled or what.
He brought up how he was supposed to go out of town this weekend with some friends (he named one of the friends, its the group of friends I dont know well, but since he has talked about them before I know who they are. I assume OW would be involved since she is in that group of bar rats) and he said he decided not to so he can save money and get some work done around our house. (which he calls my house now) I wanted to say to him "Oh fun, you and your girl were going to go somewhere IVE ALWAYS SAID I WANTED TO GO." But instead I stayed quiet and just said oh cool.
