Yes it's common b/c progress is made slowly, and sometimes you go backwards and then forwards again. Don't get caught up too much on measuring it, just keep working.
What have you done that was really fun lately? You sound like you need to cut loose.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
Yes it's common b/c progress is made slowly, and sometimes you go backwards and then forwards again. Don't get caught up too much on measuring it, just keep working.
What have you done that was really fun lately? You sound like you need to cut loose.
Dude...I went to friggin' Canada last weekend...by myself. It was awesome! But lonely.
GAL lately has revolved around either hanging out doing stuff by myself or with my D4. Othewise, I have been lifting and working on my physical health.
Hitting a depression dip. Different roller coaster feeling and I'm losing hope. I'm feeling that even though other parts of my life are getting better my relationship sitch is not good. It's mirroring the struggles I went through before I met W and I'm very sad at the possibility of history repeating itself. I hate to say that being in an R is a major thing for me, because everyone will tell me that "it happens when you least expect it" and "work on yourself", etc. So I'm working on that. I'm GAL. I'm trying not to pursue. I'm going to need to 180, even when it comes to DBing. For the last 8 weeks, W has been mostly contacting me. The 180 part feels that I need to contact W from time to time. Just to say "hi" or what have you.
I don't know. I just know that I'm hitting a different type of low. The thought of having to endure this awful cycle for years depresses me further. Everything has an end, even this sitch.
I just don't know when that will be. I hope things get better and resolved sooner rather than later, but the more I go through this, the more questions I have than answers.
It's really not helping me that my loneliness revolves around my physical needs. I feel ashamed admitting as much, but I also cannot hold back my true feelings. This stinks and I am admitting that to you.
I´m sorry you are feeling this way. You know, cycles can also move up or down so anyway it´s up to you where you are going to be standing. You can be on the up, surfing them or down there, getting drowned.
I love surfing, do you?
WW H(me): 53 W: 48 T: 27 M: 22 S: 18 Piecing since 03/2016 Saw the light in the storm
I´m sorry you are feeling this way. You know, cycles can also move up or down so anyway it´s up to you where you are going to be standing. You can be on the up, surfing them or down there, getting drowned.
I love surfing, do you?
Nope.
But I get the analogy. I just never thought I would have to encounter the same awful waves again. I thought this was past me. And it's not. It's back and it's just as awful as I remembered it.
Full-on retreat. W tried to call twice. I did not pick up. The fact that we talk for a minute or two then hangup is just sad. I don't want to do that anymore. Texted finances.
Texted business and finances some more with W. Had to cancel one October trip due to finances. W suggested I go and see my friend. Told her that I will not go when friend and her spouse are working on their marriage. Clarified that I do not want to borrow their problems and bring it back to our house. I told her that I will plan on something. W acknowledged it. She made more small chat. I answered. Talked more about finances and discussed sitting down and ironing out our needs vs. wants. No acknowledgements. Just received pictures of D4 in dress for a class.
I tried to show that I was not depressed or sad through my texts, just busy. Change from what I used to do because I'm realizing that being and acting pitiful and "Woe is me" is not attractive. That being said, it's something I have to think about doing/not doing, so I'm still learning and growing.
Going to lift tonight and plan on reading a bedtime story to D4. Other than that...I have no clue what I'm doing tonight. I may study, I may edit my pictures from my recent trip, but I don't have plans with anyone tonight. Meetup is suggesting divorce/separation support groups. So...that's a no go.
Even sitting idle is torture. I know that I can't expect growth and progress daily and regularly, but I still long for my desired resolution while I continue to work on GAL, 180, and Detaching. My loneliness is making it really hard...and desperate. And that's not good.
