ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
For those curious for an update I did get a text from WAW about 8 days ago, The Thursday before last. She apparently needed to borrow $40. So I told her I couldn't give it to her until the next day. She thanked me and she asked if I wanted her to come my way. I told her we could meet wherever but I had a lot to do since it was my only day off and it would have to be later in the day. She asked why don't I come to her place anytime after 6. I agreed. So I stopped by and dropped it off to her but left after about 20 minutes.
She also texted me a few days later on my birthday wishing me a happy one. I thanked her.
That's about it. I've been super busy so I haven't had time to post here but it's just more of the same crap with her. She did mention that she is not dating anymore until next year. Not sure why she wanted to share that but somehow it came up at one point. So yeah I don't expect many updates to come...there clearly won't be an R and I am so bored with her. I'm kind of into a new lady too...but taking it slow. Also got a text from Mary out of the blue just telling me she was watching my favorite movie and was frustrated because she "couldn't get my voice out of her head." Whatever, these women are nuts. Then again maybe I am.
In any event, I know many of you who are suffering with your bomb drops being recent were hoping for a happy ending here but I'm sorry to say it's not going to happen. Believe me, I wish I hadn't failed for you all but I can't make her see light.
I leave you all for now with this classic Eagles lyric that always reminds me of her...
"Just remember this my girl, when you look up in the sky; you can see the stars and still not see the light."
Last edited by ItHurts; 09/09/1803:02 AM. Reason: Corrected a sentence
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
IH, hmm. This has been a puzzling one.I still think maybe one more last direct approach might show you that she really was interested in R. Do you typically let the woman be the aggressor? Maybe you've already answered that question.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hey Steve, Actually yes I typically do make the women chase me. Even WAW herself pursued me when we first got together back in 1996. We were just acquaintances at that time but she came up to me one night and said "Can I ask you something? Do you find me attractive at all?! You never pay any attention to me!" Then from there the rest is history. I do this because I feel if a girl, who instinctively wants a man to be the pursuer, resorts to pursuing you then she must be serious. There's far less chance of her being a game player. Mary also pursued me. it's just a way for me to let the trash take itself out to the curb. Now as far as WAW goes, I still plan to seize every chance I can to get her to go on a date...but right now I'm seeing a lady informally too. I'm sure WAW will contact me again and I must say since money was a big factor in the demise of our marriage...it felt great for her to "need" me for a loan...in spite of this obsession she has with proving her ability to be independent to herself.
Last edited by ItHurts; 09/10/1804:21 PM. Reason: typo
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Okay...I see the reasons you state for letting yourself be pursued, but is there more to it than that underneath? Do you fear rejection?
What would be so bad about calling WAW up tonight and saying: "Look, I know we've had some good times recently, but I have to be honest, I am not interested in friendship. I never stopped being attracted to you and loving you. And I would like a chance to show you that I've changed and could make a new R with you work so much better than our first one did. So what do you say, will you date me and give me one last chance?"
I doubt you will do this since you haven't up to this point, but trust me, life is too short to sit back and wait. GO FOR IT. (Unless you really like this new gal.)
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I trust that you know her and your instincts are correct. Do what feels right to you. We are in no position to tell you what you should do. You know as well as any of us that have been at this for years that this journey is a very long, bumpy, and unpredictable one! There are always unknowns and yet things can change on a dime, but we cannot make them happen.This involves knowing when and what to let go of. Life will unfold as it will.
I believe that when we let go of asserting control, then we create freedom, and that is ultimately what love is.
Good luck with this other lady!
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
No Steve, I'm not really in fear of rejection. Mainly because if my divorce, which let's face it, is the ultimate form of rejection, didn't ruin me for life...some girl saying no to a date isn't going to ruffle my feathers. It's mainly for the reason I stated...if a woman goes against her instincts and chases...she must really want what she's purusing. This saves me the aggravation of wasting my time. So no, I don't fear rejection because as I said, I've survived the ultimate form of rejection with my divorce that was totally unexpected. As far as me coming out and point blank asking her as you suggest...I see no need to. She left me so I don't feel like she should enjoy the luxury of me pursuing her...she needs to chase me or forget it. I don't need her, I merely want her. So if she never does then so be it. I take things as they come. I'm not desperate to get back with her...I guess that's why I am kind of carefree about it all. Yes I like this new lady enough to see her fairly often but nothing serious. Just having fun and enjoying her company.
Hi Blu, yes knowing her like I do I always sense there's something going on inside her regarding me. Meaning I don't believe she's at total peace with us just being friends. An example of this is her feeling the need to always mention that she's not dating anyone. Okay great but why would I care if I'm just your pal? It makes no sense. She obviously wants to make it clear that she's staying single for a few months. Plus remember, she would have to eat A LOT of crow with A LOT of people if she ever got back with me. That also likely plays a role in this whole thing. But yes, I make my decisions based on my instincts regarding her and how she thinks. I just have consistently had this sense when I'm with her that she is not as content with us being just friends forever. Hard to explain but it is almost like she has to control herself from saying or doing things that she wants to do. Like she can't give in without sacrificing her desire to prove to herself that she can survive on her own.
Last edited by ItHurts; 09/10/1807:03 PM.
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
Thanks for the update ItHurts. You know I agree with your rationale here. I could see some version of what Steve said in some circumstances. For example, if she at some point asked why you've been less responsive you could say something like "After spending some time with you I know I still have a special place in my heart for you and I can even picture the two of us together. I'm not sure if that's truly possible for me or not because, like you, I would never want to return to the relationship we had before. But either way it was enough for me to discover that while it was nice to reconnect and catch up, a friendship alone with you won't really work for me."
The key would be that you're not saying you're all in, just that you were open to exploring things. Because I think that's true. Frankly if I were you I wouldn't jump back into bed with her, I'd need to be given a reason to think her "I do" would mean more this time than the last time, because who needs to go through a repeat?!?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Thanks Zues. Yeah she's just going to have to be the one to do the footwork here. I'm certainly not doing it under any circumstances. As far as updates go, my ex mother-in-law texted me last week and asked if I was available and willing to help her with some computer issues she's having. So I went over there yesterday and had coffee with her and fixed her PC. Today WAW texted to thank me early this afternoon. I replied with no problem. She continued the convo but I was at work and had to give quick answers with my last being "glad your Mom is happy." Then about 20 minutes ago she texted again..."Yes she was. Hey what's your weekend look like? I'm thinking of doing a fire pit." I haven't replied yet as I'm still debating if I even want to or not. "
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
