Thanks ovrrnbw, good idea about the squats, push-ups or sit-ups. That should help!
I think he’s prob told a few close friends the version he’s made up in his head. But prob not about first OW and all that. Who knows. It’s a new day and hopefully a good one
I do journal. I was a creative writing major in college so writing has always been a good outlet for me. I set goals while reading DR the other night. She said to write down short term goals, but it was more for your marriage goals. The goals I’ve set for myself are to stay off social media to keep myself from looking at OW, don’t snoop, don’t drive by the bars he frequents. These are all goals I have succeeded at so far.
Some other goals are trying to stop thought when him and OW pop in my mind. It’s hard. I do my best with that but it’s not always successful. I’d like to start GaL a little better, but it’s kind of tough since we haven’t really told people. I’m still doing a lot on my own, but not doing as much with my friends as I normally would be if H and I were in a good place. But I am really soul searching with my free time, reading a lot.
I need to set some more goals for myself, I have a lot of things I have to do and I need to make sure I’m doing the things I need to do and not just thinking about his time. We will see. One day at a time!! Taking a breather from over thinking, it’s been such an emotional time. Hoping if I just chill out for a few days and not think too much I can regroup and keep pushing forward with this.
Glad to hear that you journal and are good at it. I know it help me a lot.
Have you researched thought stop techniques?
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Having a really rough morning, Im working, my mind is busy, but my stomach is just in absolute knots. He basically has always texted me every morning to see how the baby slept, etc. But he hasnt done that the last few days and seems to be pulling away so much. Hasnt texted really at all throughout the day or anything. I am sure this is quite normal for a sitch like this, but I just dont get why HE is pulling away so much now.
I know its prob a normal progression of separation, Ive just been so used to him texting in the morning, for it to just all of a sudden stop feels really crappy, and of course makes me wonder what hes doing that he doesnt text anymore in the mornings, blah blah blah.,
Im sure you will all be so excited when I detach, not just because it will be so great for me, but bc I wont be venting on here about something as minute as him not texting anymore.
Just feels like our communication has almost stopped in a way. I guess me saying "lets only communicate about the baby" was a double edged sword.
kech, you seem to rise and fall on everything he does or doesn't do. So I want to share something again that you've probably already heard:
It always get worse before it gets better.
So brace yourself for it. This a necessary part of the process. I think he is going to get to the point where you will not hear from him for a long time. Days for sure, weeks likely, and maybe even months. So you need to buck up and prepare for it.
The reason I say that if it happens it is a necessary part of the process is that right now he is using your D as an excuse to be around you and present what he want to present. He will get to a point where he thinks he is ready to move on with OW, and will pull back. This is the necessary part: he has to do this to realize that he misses you and D. And being a family. He will get to a point where he will have to make a choice to continue to move forward with OW, or come back to his family.
None of us know what he will choose. However, it will be important for you to give him that time and space to figure it out. You will be tempted to reach out to him. You will be tempted to say things like "I can't believe you don't want to see your own child!" You will be tempted to snoop (drive by the bar, ask other people about him, stalk him on FB). None of that will do anything but hurt your sitch.
As another anti-divorce expert says the walkaway spouse will come back WHEN they want to come back. You have to remain patient and give them the time and space to want to come back. Think of the John and Mary story.
Anyway, there is a high likelihood that he will continue to pull away before he can ever decide to come back. You need to be prepared for it. If not texting you every morning sends you spiraling imagine what days, weeks, or even months of no contact will do to you. Brace yourself.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thank you. Wow I really need to prepare because I cannot IMAGINE. I remember when BD and ILYBNILWY happened, he went back to work out of town (before I knew about OW) and a few days later was the first time we went 24 hours with no texts or calls from him, and it felt like I was going to die. I was pregnant also so hormones were doing a number on me at the time, but it was SO hard. It only happened a few times. I can still think of days right now that we dont talk and they stand out because it is so unusual for us to at least not have one text about daughter. Monday I didnt hear from him at all and it killed me. I cant even fathom weeks or months.
I have a long way to go thats for sure. Him pulling away hurts so bad, but I hope you are right, it gets worse before it gets better. Im saving what you wrote to me, it gives me a little kick in the a*s somehow.
As another anti-divorce expert says the walkaway spouse will come back WHEN they want to come back. You have to remain patient and give them the time and space to want to come back. Think of the John and Mary story. .
Im sure I have read it, but can you remind me of the John & Mary story?
